Starlight (Muke)

one.

I'm watching our old home videos like some cliche middle-aged woman in a Hallmark movie, surrounded by dvds that we burned in hopes of saving memories. All captured with his old, but ever-so-impossible to forget, 2010 Canon.

"Mikey, say something for the camera!" My knees are pressed to my face and I have earbuds in my ear. I pull them out and smile the biggest cheesiest smile can muster.

"Something for the camera!" I say overenthusiastically. Luke plops down next to me after a bunch of movement and blockage on the screen.

"This is Michael" he says looking up at me. I could've kissed him, the way he looked at me was so perfect. "And camera? I wub him."

I nudge him a little. "Shut up, Luke, you're such a dork" I say laughing like a little girl. He touches our noses together, the camera faltering. "But you love me, anyway." He says, the goofiest smile spread across his face.  "Always" I say. Then I put my hand over the lense, kissing him. He drops the camera and for the moment, it's completely forgotten and ever-so-pointless, lying on the floor of the room.

The clip stops and the dvd continues to play the next one.

"Hey, camera, Luke's ill" A happy giggling pink haired Michael says. You can hear Luke in the background protesting. "No, Michael, shut up! Please!" I giggle my hand over my mouth. "Lukey-Pookie has mono! I don't want to catch it, too, he looks like crap." The camera pans over to a weak looking Luke who is pale as his bedsheets and shining with sweat. He folds his arms and glares at the camera.

I need a beer. Beer is good. Beer numbs emotion. I pause the dvd and find a mostly drunken out of bottle of cheap store brand stuff lying on the floor. I drink the remainder of the bottle; It's disgusting and I'm underage, but I'm just past the point where I even give a shit.

I'm about to press play on the video again when there's a light knock on the door. I put down the bottle and the remote and wipe my mouth wondering who in their right mind would be coming to see me. If it's one of the guys, I prepare to say the usual, the phrases I figure will become the truth if I repeat them enough. It's okay. No really, I don't miss him that much. The house is a mess still, you can come when it's cleaned up again. Or if it goes the other way I'm ready to say, I swear, it wasn't my freaking fault. If I could've saved him I would have. I wish i was me instead. They never believe me, but it's usually that's enough to keep them away until the next time. If it's my mother, I'm ready to pretend I'm not home, I'm ready to stay silent until she gives up and leaves. That's all she's good for anyway; giving up, leaving, or watching people go.

I step over the flannels and band t-shirts lying all over the floor displaying, or at least I tell myself that it displays, some type of art in a weird punk rock way. Really it's a mess, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it when a large majority of them are his. Picking them up and putting them away would be like cleaning all the remnants of him from the house.

I look out the peephole and I feel my stomach clench. Bloody hell. Why him? It's Ashton, his half brother. He hasn't spoken to me in months and just thinking about what he could want makes me just about throw up the wannabe beer I just downed, and I feel slightly light headed. I turn to play ghost and just pretend I'm not home when suddenly I hear a voice saying my name. The voice is in the house. I turn around, and Ashton is inside with the door open behind him. I forgot to lock the door.

"It smells like somebody died in here, Michael." He says wrinkling his nose.

"Get. Out." I say. "Now."

He shakes head of brunette curls. It's times like these  wonder if Ashton was even half of Luke's brother. They're so different it's frightening. "Michael we're worried about you." He says softly taking in the hot mess of a room. I laugh coldly. My laugh matches my heart, empty, void of all emotion and cold.

"Who? You and your coven? Worried. After you accused me of killing the love of my freaking life, you're worried?"

He shrugs, not knowing what to say to that I guess. "More or less, yes. And judging by the mess and the stench, we should be."

I can't believe the nerve. It makes my blood boil. "I told you to get out. I don't want you here, and don't come back."

He sighs deeply. "If you change your mind, then our door is open. It always is."

He walks out and begins to leave. I step just out of the doorframe and yell after him, "You sure weren't saying that when you called me a killer and slammed that same door in my face when you knew I had nowhere else to go." He stops in his tracks and I wait for him to turn around. But he doesn't he just starts to walk away again, leaving me in the messy house with the stench of dirty clothes and stale beer.

I need more, but I know even an ocean of the stuff won't wash this pain away. I just drink to pretend.

I go back to the couch with the intention of watching more of our videos, but that night, his words, everything is clouding my sight swimming like coy fish in the deep dark abyss of my mind.

****

"Mikey, I'm scared, please"

A hand reaching out for mine. scared blue eyes bobbing in tears.

I'm choking on tears caught in my throat, as I clutch his hand refusing to let any tears fall from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Luke, please just hold on, I'm so sorry." I whisper.

"I love you, Michael" He says voice strained

"I know, babe, I love you too."

"I love you"

"I know, Lukey"

"I love you"

"Luke I-"

"I love you"

****

My hands are yanking at my blood red hair, they're clammy and some of the dye rubs off onto my hand like berry stains. I let out a shaky breath. I swear I hope there's not any possibility that Luke can see me like this.

I need a walk. I head out into the cold, wearing nothing but his you complete me(ss) shirt and jeans, my bare feet and arms stinging in the cold air.

I don't know where I'm going, but I know It'll be somewhere bringing me to him. There's never a place that isn't.

I know its short but I sort of did that one purpose. Another one soon though! Vote Add and Comment!

Love you, Blue xx