Aw frick man-- So you guys know if you read the last one that my older ex has been online more and more right? wEll nOw i hAvE a nEw Ex aNd wE dONt tAlK At aLL- so basically what happened was that we were doing pretty great together for a couple months but then once January came around she started acting weird. She started neglecting me more and more.
First she would leave for a few hours (which I'm fine with because I know people get busy all the time). Then she started rarely talking to me and would leave our convos randomly which I again thought was because she was busy with irl stuff but NOPE- we were both invited to a group chat but I didn't join(I could still see what was going on in it though) yet she did and whenever she stopped texting back all i had to do was look at that group chat and there she was,, t e x t i n g.
This happened every single day so i decided to test something out. I wanted to see if she even actually cared about me or remembered that I was still there (stupid I know). So I didnt text her that day. I waited and waited and waited for half of the day or more. I even left her little hints to remind her that I was there like checking her profile because she could see I looked therefore hinting that I was online and wanted attention. She never texted me. Ever. Only when I finally texted her because I couldn't take it anymore was when she responded- I was honestly kinda hurt that she needed a notification from my text to remind her that I was existent and something she needed to give attention to. Ngl, I cried almost every night because I felt as though I was just an unimportant, heavy burden to her and it didn't help that she was also becoming really close with this other girl during this time. I felt worthless. I tried to figure out what it was that the other girl had that I didn't.
Eventually with a boost of confidence from my friends I talked about it with her finally even though I really didn't want to because I knew it would ruin her mood. And it did. She eventually felt better that night and we said goodnight when she promised she was going to bed that night as I watched her go offline. A bit later I got back online because I felt uneasy and wanted to make sure she was offline and okay. When I got online I looked at her profile only to see that she was back online so I asked her if she was okay and she replied with an oops..im sorry. I asked why she was sorry only to realize what happened. She lied to me so she could text everyone else even though she had said goodnight to me so quickly.. I didn't respond and left for the night because my eyes were already swelling up with so many tears I could barely see the keyboard. After going offline I texted with my friends and cried as I told them what happened. I felt so confused, upset, and mad at myself for not being able to do a simple thing like help someone I really loved help sleep. I was so tired from crying that I fell asleep during the convo. Each night would go on like this until I had the confidence to yet again have a talk with her. Everything was back to normal for maybe a day,, or half a day but the she went back to neglecting me like usual.
Once February came around I was really excited and hopeful because since my birthday and Valentines Day were coming up, I thought she'd finally change again. The night before my birthday she sent me a bunch of voice notes of her singing sweet songs to me because she knew how much I loved and adored the sound of her voice. Then she came up with the brilliant idea of calling each other and so we got on a call and talked for hours until 11pm came around and she was sleepy so I let her sleep but oh man, those hours were like heaven for me. It was so cutely awkward in the beginning but then we soon got comfortable and enjoyed the rest of it. I slept peacefully that night with no tears in what seems like forever.
The day of my birthday though was a different story. She woke up and we said our good mornings to each other but then I brought up how funny it was that I had the same birthday as one of her favorite characters which sent her into realization that she had to make a birthday present to post of her favorite character. Then she remembered she had to give me a present too which I tried to tell her was okay, just her being there and texting was enough but she insisted since she had been teasing at it for a couple weeks during the times she texted back.
I waited the whole day for her. No present, none of her presence.
I was kinda really upset about it since not only was most of my family out of town, leaving me behind with my aunt and cousin for it, but now my girlfriend wasn't even spending time with me. My slowly crumbling self actually hinted at it which made her feel kinda bad which made me feel really bad- Still, my desperate self waited for Valentines Day only to never even have her ask to be my Valentine nor text me except about twice which I was waiting for and dreaming of for sooo long. My friends could all tell something wasn't going well that day so they all tried to make it better for me by making jokes, including me in things, bringing presents for everyone, one of my friends and I even became each other's buddytines which I thought was really sweet.
Soon, I continued my tear-filled nights and two of my friends, who had been with me throughout the entire thing and helping me get through it all, told me to break up with her. To break up with her because obviously me waiting around on her to finally realize what she was doing to me and change was really just tearing me down more and more everyday. I wasn't sure how to do it though so one of them told me to just write out my feelings through the entire thing. To write out every single little detail of the hurt she made me go through. Every thought in my head. I did as told and came back with a giant paragraph I called "This Is Where I say Goodbye" and explained every single thing. I sent it to her and she tells me a few hours later that I never even checked up on her to see if she was okay which is a complete lie because I asked that every single day when she would respond to me finally. Then she proceeded to leave the chat without giving me a chance to respond.
It was great ranting but unfortunately that's all the rant energy I have for today. And typing energy because there's currently 1264 words on the word count qwq- Bye for now peeps on the other side on the screen-!
