Things I should Say To You (Jenlisa Edition) - Complete

CHAPTER 1 - Waking up without you

Life was always supposed to be fair to you. It gave you the meaning of something, love life and happiness but at the same time it will take it away. I was happy once, living my life with my only love, Lisa. She was a cheerful person, never stop with her jokes. Greeted me with a kiss every single day and never failed to tell me how much she loves me. Not always though, she will say it slowly when we had our fights but gave me tons of kisses when we made up.

She was my life, my strength to move on. She was the reason why I worked hard to have what we had. Her smiles, her laughs were the only thing that I need daily. The way she moved her hips when she wants to tease me. The way she pout when she lost in not so important arguments. Everything about her completes me.

It was all in the past, she left me not only for days or years but for good. Why must you leave me in your peaceful sleep baby? You keep on telling me how you love me, how you will not make me suffer. You even told me to move on when you are not around. I remember you getting a hard punch on your shoulder when you talked about your death. I don't like it! Never will and never do but still you choose to leave me here. Alone. Empty. Nothing. Yes you leave me with a lot of things for me to survive the world but I can survive without it, I just want you. Why don't you get it Lisa?! Why do you leave me?

I woke up in an empty bed, coldness wrapping my body as I can see the person beside me is no longer there to spoon me or to hug me in the morning. No more good morning kisses, no more morning breath for her to suffer. Without realizing, tears streamed down my cheeks remembering how you always hug me in the morning...

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<Flashback>

"Good Morning Nini! I love seeing you sleep but you need to wake up now baby" I opened my eyes slowly to the morning light because that's what Lisa loved to do, she will open the curtain and let the morning sun came in. It's healthy she said but I don't buy it. "Lili, close the curtain, it's too bright, I want to sleep more please" My raspy voice can be heard slowly and I can hear she chuckles. Sweet voice indeed and I know she will not let it go.

"Come on Nini, are you tired of what we had last night?" I could not see her properly yet but I know she smirks looking at me. She jumped back on the bed and starts giving me kisses all over my face. She hugged me and whisper right into my ear. "Do you want more Nini?" I opened my eyes wide looking at her. She was rough last night but I love it. Yes we had sex because I initiate it but knowing her horny side, she will never decline me.

She laughs and continue kissing me. "I'm just kidding baby, I love you so much, sorry for being rough yesterday but I know you love that wild side of me" She winks and I pout at her. She looked worried suddenly and hugged me. "Is it hurt Nini? I'm so sorry, It will not happen again okay?" Lisa is always worried about me, she hates when she hurt me and I know her weakness. I suddenly push her over and straddle her hips. She was surprise by my action and kept her mouth open.

"Hurt? I want more because it's wild and I love it Lili" I smile seductively to her and I can hear her breathing hitch with my words. I started to rock my hips and she moaned a little bit. Then I leaned down to her face and move my hand around her waist and start tickling her. "But we need to wake up Lili, we got work!" I laughed and run from her to go to the toilet. I can hear she shout "Such a teaser" and she laugh too.

<End of Flashback>

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I miss you Lili, where is my hug now Lili? I hugged myself in the morning knowing there will be nobody hugging me anymore. It's been a year since you left me and there is not a single day I forget about you. I still miss your kisses. I still miss you smell. I used your shampoo now even though sometimes it does not suite me but I want you to always wrap yourself around me.

I stand up to open the curtain just like you love. The morning sun has been my best friend for the past years. I felt you smile beside me whenever I drag open the curtain and I can feel you smile beside me. I know you are there Lili, but why am I feeling empty? Are you really there or I'm just insane? I am not right? When nobody answered me, I make my way to the bathroom.

You used to take shower with me in the morning. You used to wash my hair and dry my hair every morning Lili. Why you suddenly left me alone to do that? Do you not love me anymore when you sleep and never want to wake up? I can remember how I screamed that day and called the ambulance. I even called Jisoo and Chaeng to tell about your condition. I remembered how hard I cried when the doctor announced your death that day. There is nothing wrong with you? How can you die suddenly in your sleep baby? Did I do something until you need to leave me alone? I am sorry Lili, please comeback!

My tears and the water pouring down from the shower are no longer strangers to each other. They are one and they are friends now. You are no longer my shower buddy Lisa, the tears are. Once I'm done with my shower, as usual drying hair is essential before my work. You used to do this for and now I need to be the one doing it.

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<Flashback>

"Let me dry your hair Nini" She said it to me while kissing my cheek. We got married almost 5 years now but she never failed to give me kisses every time she dried my hair. I let her do it while nodding and she smile. She sings while doing it because she knows I cannot hear it well because of the sound of the hairdryer. I smiled and she kissed my cheeks again.

Both of us wrapped our self in our towel while doing our make-up. Everyday chores and Lisa never fails to compliment me. "You look stunning as usual Nini, can I be in your pocket?" I laugh it out loud because it is the same word that she kept on saying.

As usual we get our self ready and I will cook us simple breakfast. She loves whatever I cook so even a simple toast should satisfy her.

"I'll see you in the evening Nini? Don't forget to message me when you reach office okay? Let Chaeng knows that I miss her too. We should meet on the weekend!" She pecked my lips and we both went down to our parking space side by side going to our office. She works as a Service Desk in Telecommunication Company because why not, she loves to talk. I worked as IT Analyst in one of the oil and gas company.

She waved at me and blow me kisses before driving. What a whipped wife she is. I smiled and wave back.

<End of Flashback>

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I was eating my breakfast but I have no mood for it. So I cleaned it. My eyes are swollen again. I know Chaeng will ask me again later but I will just ignore her away again. For the past 1 year without you Lisa, I did not go out from the house. I stayed in our home feeling your scent everywhere. It's losing the touch but I will make sure to use your favourite candle at night and your favourite cologne. This makes me feel you in my life. I cannot do this alone Lisa. I miss you so much.

I went down to our parking space, your car is there. No one drive it though. I will heat up the engine every 3 days and fill in the petrol when needed. You used to remind me to always fill in my petrol but end up you will be the one who did that. I always forget but you don't mind. You are there to complete it. Now I remember what you asked me to do. I am a good wife right Lisa? Will you come back? I learn my lesson. Still nothing, I looked down and walk to my car and drive to work.

Every morning, I wished I reply all your Love words. I know I love you but I am not someone who said it out loud but I wished you heard it enough before you go. I should say "I love you too Lisa" .....