HER LAST WISH

Part 18

“Doctor, I don’t want this baby.”
I had two reasons for taking this decision. Soon after being born, the child would be motherless for the rest of its life. Or, it could be infected with HIV too.
“I can understand.” I knew that it was not an everyday situation for him so chose to explain it to him.
“I just don’t want my baby to come into this world with a terminal disease and in turn suffer his or her entire life.”
“Vijay, I can understand your concern, but Astha’s pregnancy report says that she has been pregnant for more than three months. We cannot do an abortion now. If we do, we’ll only end up risking Astha’s life because Astha’s CD4 count
is less than 400 and it will only reduce with time.”
“Doctor, what are the chances of the baby being infected from the mother?”
“Honestly, there is a fifty percent chance.”
I went numb again. The doctor continued, “A few cases have been observed wherein patients have delivered a healthy child.” His words clearly indicated that
he hadn’t handled such a case before.
“Doctor, I don’t want to have this baby. Should I consult a gynaecologist? I do not have the strength to see another one of my own die in front of me.”
“Why are you only thinking negatively, Vijay? There is also a fifty percent chance that the baby is totally healthy. ”
“What about the remaining fifty percent, doctor? It is okay for a doctor to look at the positive, but impossible for a would-be-father to even dream.”
“I agree with you.” He said with modesty. “I suggest that you consult a gynaecologist too.”
“Do you know anyone who has handled a similar case before, and who will be ready to help me?”
“Yes, I know one. By the way, I have already discussed Astha’s reports with her. If you want, you can also consult Dr Rachna.”
“So in her previous case, was the delivery successful?” I had to be sure.
“No, that was not a successful birth. The child had died… but she is a good doctor.”
I began thinking.
“Dr Rachna will keep the secret, you don’t worry.” Dr. Raza’s words broke me free of my trance.
“Which one?”
“She will not tell Astha about the disease.” I had forgotten any such thing.
“How are you so sure that she would help me?” I asked.
He heaved a deep sigh and said, “Because she is my wife.”
Why did Astha keep the news of her pregnancy hidden from me? Was she not aware? But how can a lady be unaware of her own pregnancy? Is this baby even
mine?
It seemed like a movie with an invisible villain. I wished for it to be a three-hour movie where everything would be back to normal after stepping out of the
theatre. However, my biggest worry was the climax of this movie. One problem had not even ended, and the second one had cropped up .
Whenever I am confused, there is one door I knock on. I headed towards Noida.
“Papa, I have some news for you.”
“What is it? Good or bad?” Whenever someone asks this question, be sure that
they are ready for the worse.
“I am not sure. I haven’t classified it as yet.”
“Okay. Tell me. I am up for anything.”
“Papa, Astha is pregnant.”
“Oh!” I was unsure whether his exclamation was with happiness or shock.
“Why do you say that Astha is pregnant? It is not just her who is going to have the baby, you are going to be a father too!”
I followed this with a detailed description of my tetea-tete with Dr Raza.
“Are you happy, Papa?” I said while ignoring his remark. I was not mature enough to digest the fact that he hadn’t congratulated me yet.
“No, I am not happy. And I do have a doubt,” he said.
He looked at me with love and said, “Don’t get me wrong, but are you sure this baby is yours? Given that she is an HIV patient and you have been travelling
much in the past. What if it turns out that you don’t know her completely?”
The same doubt had culminated in my mind a few minutes back, but I couldn’t accept anyone doubting my darling’s character. I sighed and said, “Papa, Astha
has been pregnant for about three months and it has been six months since we got married.”
He looked at me aghast. I said with tears in my eyes, “Even if by any chance what you are saying is true, it is a child growing in my wife’s womb. That is enough for me to call it my own. ”
Papa hugged me as silence prevailed in the room. Both of us needed this hug.
For the first time I felt like I wasn’t alone after all. I sensed that he was on the verge of breaking down too. We freed ourselves from the hug. I saw respect in his eyes after a really long time.
“Vijay, it is high time that you inform Astha about her condition. She is in need of complete care now. She will anyway get to know the truth with the frequent visits to the doctor and while being treated. In fact, the more you delay
informing her, it will only be dangerous for her…and now for the baby too.”
“Papa, I will be okay if it is revealed to her naturally. I want to avoid confronting her myself.”
“What nonsense is this, Vijay?”
“I don’t have the courage to tell her. I have already faced the worst and am sure I can face this too.”
My father was silent. He thought for a few seconds before saying, “You have gone through the worst.”
I purchased half a kilo of rasgullas from a nearby sweet shop and stood outside my house. The door was only a metre away from me, but I found it difficult to take those steps. I didn’t want to tell her the good news with tears in my eyes. I
pulled out my shades and wore them for quite a different reason.
With a heavy heart, I rang the doorbell.
“Why are you wearing shades?” she asked concerned as I walked into the house.
“Something has gone into my eye and it is hurting. Anyway, I have some good news for you,” I said beaming .
“Really? Good news?” She didn’t seem as excited and cheerful as she used to be on the prospect of hearing some good news. She didn’t even notice the packet
of sweets.
“Here, take this,” I said while handing over the packet of rasgullas to her. “I got your favourite sweet.” She took the packet from me and headed straight to the kitchen.
Should I tell her that she has been diagnosed with HIV? How will she react if I tell her the good news, which won’t be good anymore once she is aware of her
condition? I couldn’t decide. After a few minutes, Astha stepped out of the kitchen and filled my mouth with one full rasgulla.
“Hey, let me tell you the good news first.”
“Remove these shades first,” she removed the goggles from my eyes. “Astha, you are pregnant.”
“That’s not fair! How did you get to know?”
What a reaction! I had expected her to be excited, but this was the opposite.
“Your reports were due today. Dr Raza called me up and informed me of this great news!”
“My dear husband, I have known this for the last thirty days. I learnt of it when you were in Goa. I had planned to surprise you and was on the lookout for the right occasion.” Saying this, she hugged me emotionally. She had tears in her eyes. I was about to cry too, but couldn’t afford to be weak in her presence.
However, I couldn’t decode the reason for her tears.
“I love you, my dear soon-to-be-mom.” I hugged her tighter and closer.
“I always wanted to be a good mother. You cannot imagine how satiated I am.” She sobbed and continued to bury herself in my arms while tears trickled
down my face.I concluded I will not reval the truth.