The Letter

Chapter 5: Beautiful

A/N: I made a few slight changes to how this song came about to fit the story :)

It's been a few days since mine and Abby's date. It went pretty good I thought. She was still answering my texts and I was even growing the balls to call her more. I also noticed she wasn't just dropping our conversations anymore, all of which seemed to be positive steps. 

Today however, I was taking the first steps to start recording. I had never been in a booth sober before. So everything, as it had been up to now, would be a learning process. I brought Denaun Porter as my emotional support, but Dre was the one who would be doing most of the work. 

I had been toying with some shit I had written when I was in rehab. It seemed like a long shot, but it was the most decent thing I had written back then. Everything else sucked. 

When I went into the studio, Dre was already fucking around with some beats. I suddenly got nervous as hell.

"'Aye man. How are you?" Dre greeted me. I nodded. I almost felt as nervous as I did the first time I met him. In a way, this was the first time.

"C'mon,  Em, no need to be so quiet. You got this." he said. I nodded again. I hoped he was right.

"Aye, so I uh, got these lyrics from about a year ago. I wanna use 'em for the album." I handed them to Dre, my hands shaking. He took them from me and skimmed them. Then looked up at me.

"This ain't bad Em. It aint bad at all. Is this all you got?" I nodded again. "You got any ideas what you want the beat to sound like? I got some stuff already prepared but I know how you can be sometimes." He nudged me, he was playing, obviously. But I did kind of have an idea.

"You don't mind?" I knew this was a dumb question, Dre never minded. 

"Nah man. Go for it."

I sat down in front of all the equipment and it was like muscle memory kicked in. I just started messing with shit just to see how it sounded and in what seemed like no time I had the beat all done. 

When I was done I turned to Dre, who was standing in the corner talking with Denaun.

"I'm sure you'll wanna polish it up like you do. Just make sure it don't change too much." Dre nodded, and I walked over to Denaun while he did whatever he needed to do to my beat.

"Aye man, see, you got it." Denaun said, elbowing me. I smiled. I had to admit it felt pretty fucking good to do that again. It had been so long, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to so easily. My phone started ringing and when I looked down I smiled when I saw it was Abby.

"Oohh, who's Abby?" Denaun asked laughing.

"It's a girl man. Don't worry about it." I said, walking into another room to answer the phone.

"Abby. Hey." I said.

"Marshall, hey. I just wanted to see how it was going." I confided in Abby how nervous I was to do this again. She was there to give me the encouragement I needed. 

"Oh, it's um, going. I think I just made a beat successfully. Dre is touching it up, but I think I pretty much got it."

"That's great." she said. I heard her talking to her mom. It was muffled, almost as if she had covered the speaker so I couldn't hear. 

"Abby? Everything okay?" I asked, she came back on the line. 

"Yeah, Marshall. I'm fine. Just talking to mom. So like I said, I just wanted to see how it was going. Get back in there and knock 'em dead okay?"

Before I could respond I heard the line click, so I knew she had hung up. I wasn't sure what to make of that. I was beginning to feel like she was hiding something from me. Then Denaun stuck his head out from the studio. 

"Em! C'mon man. Dre's ready for you to get in the booth!"

"Aiight. I'm comin'!" He stuck his head back in and I pulled the lyric sheet from my pocket and read over it again. Then I turned and walked back into the room with Denaun and Dre.

"Em," Dre said, "You ready to lay this down?" I nodded. He opened to door to the booth and I stepped inside. He closed the door behind me and I stood in front of the mic with my lyric sheet which I smoothed out onto the stand in front of me. I put the headphones on and looked up at Dre who was looking to me, waiting for my signal. I nodded and the beat started.

"I'm just so fuckin' depressed/I just can't seem to get out this slump..."

I laid the whole first verse perfectly in one take. When I was done Dre stopped the beat and I stepped out of the booth. We listened back to everything I just did and I couldn't believe I had actually done it. Abby instantly popped into my head. I couldn't wait to tell her because of how happy I knew she would be.

Dre's hand on my shoulder snapped me out of my thoughts. "You did it man! How did that feel?" He asked me, taking a step back.

"Good man. It felt really fucking good. Ya know? I think I wanna write another verse for this. Do you think you can just put that beat on loop for a bit?"

"Yeah, of course." Dre said. He stepped over to the computer and looped up the beat for me. I realized I wanted the last verse to be for her. I wanted this last verse to tell Abby everything I may not be able to say out loud. Things about my past, and my kids. Everything. Maybe it would help her understand me. 

I was just about finished writing it when Dre tapped me on the shoulder. "I hate to break this up when were really just getting started, but I need to run home. D you can help him finish this up or whatever right?" Denanun nodded. I thanked Dre for everything and he left.

Denaun and I hung around the studio and finished the verses. I still wasn't sure what I was going to call it. But I had a pretty good start. I can't even begin to explain how fulfilled I felt. I was back at doing what I loved and it felt so good. I felt useful. And I just knew good things were coming for me.