Blended

A Bitter Timeout

Namjoon pressed his face against his mattress, feeling extremely guilty for his outburst. He could still hear Taehyung and Yoongi down the hall. Apparently Yoongi was still holding the baby to having to sit at the table from the sounds of Taehyung's temper tantrum, he knew he hadn't helped. Anytime he fights with Yoongi about the elder holding Taehyung to his rules, Tae's behavior got worse. He knew Tae viewed him like a big brother when he was little, honestly when he wasn't in little space too. He always saw him as on his side and it gave him more confidence to try to get his way. In the moment Namjoon always felt like he was in the right for his but afterward, he was racked with guilt, realizing how much harder he's made his hyung's life.

And he knew he was making it harder for Taehyung too. The poor boy was begging for boundaries and consistency and when Yoongi was trying to provide it, Namjoon would swoop in and sabotage it. This only led to Taehyung continuing to act up searching for those boundaries until he got himself in trouble. Which from the sounds he was hearing is exactly what happened.

Namjoon just felt guilty. He was so jealous that Taehyung could slip as easily as he does and the anger isn't even necessarily focused on Taehyung himself. Most of Namjoon's anger was towards himself or taken out on Yoongi. Namjoon felt guilty about that too.

Yoongi had always been so good to him. He always helped him out since the day he'd met the other boy and when it became obvious something was going wrong Yoongi had been right there trying to help. It had taken years for Namjoon to admit he was a little and get tested, it wasn't until he had a breakdown that Yoongi finally convinced him to go to the doctors. It was also then that Yoongi found out Namjoon hadn't even been to the doctor since he was fifteen in order to avoid being tested. The man hadn't been very happy with his younger friend.

Namjoon remembered how Yoongi sat him down after the appointment and told him off for neglecting his health like that. Namjoon had never felt smaller and had wanted to slip so bad. And Yoongi had noticed, tried his best to be calm and ease him gently into his headspace, and God Namjoon wanted to. But instead, he'd lashed out, threw a tantrum and called Yoongi horrible names. And still, Yoongi had been so good to him, acknowledging how frustrated he must be and being so understanding. He'd taken all the verbal abuse and hits and kicks.

Namjoon knew if that had been Taehyung throwing that fit Yoongi would have spanked him. But Yoongi and Taehyung had talked about his headspace, placed boundaries, and agreed upon rules. Yoongi would never do anything to Namjoon non-consensually and Namjoon knew he was taking advantage of it. When he got in that headspace where he hadn't quite slipped but wasn't quite big either he wanted someone to pay for how he was feeling, but he also didn't want to face consequences for it. And as guilty as it made big Namjoon he also wasn't too keen on having to face consequences either.

He'd gotten used to it. Being able to act how he pleased and not be held accountable. Both little him and big him were a bit selfish, he supposed. It wasn't just that though. He saw Yoongi as a brother, he always had. It was hard for him to view him as a caregiver or someone with authority when they'd always been equals. It was part of why he felt so comfortable undermining him when it came to Taehyung. He knew it wasn't fair of him but when he was stuck in that half little, half big state it was so easy to side with the younger and he'd always had a huge soft spot for the boy. Just seeing him tear up upset him and had Namjoon turning on Yoongi in an instant, even when Yoongi was merely enforcing their agreed-upon rules.

But now, as Namjoon hid his face in his pillow, he could see that it was wrong. And his actions were making it worse. Taehyung always took his interference as an invitation to act out and he could hear the boy downstairs getting himself into even more trouble. It was disrupting their schedule, their rules, their everything. And Namjoon felt so guilty...just apparently not enough to stop.

It had gotten to the point where Yoongi had even tried sending Namjoon to his room a few times, though that just ended in a bigger fit. Namjoon screaming that Yoongi just wanted to control him and ignoring Yoongi's desperate explanations that it wasn't fair to interfere with Taehyung's headspace and wellbeing. It almost always ended in Namjoon slamming the door in Yoongi's face.

And Namjoon could tell he was hurting the other, could tell how tired his hyung was. Not only from being the caregiver to a hyperactive little and a stubborn almost little but he was also the sole breadwinner at this point. Another thing Namjoon felt bad for. Taehyung was a little, he wasn't allowed to work and when Namjoon had finally been tested he knew it was only a matter of time before he couldn't work either. That time only being shortened as his mental state deteriorated from his refusal to slip. At this point, his headspace was too volatile to work so Yoongi was taking the brunt of it. Luckily the man could work from home (God knows Namjoon wouldn't be a good babysitter for Tae at the moment) but the state of unrest at their apartment was putting more and more of a strain on the oldest. Namjoon knew they were struggling and he knew Yoongi was worried about keeping their apartment.

Something had to give.