Pieces [ONC 2020 LONGLIST]

As just as fair

The morning passed in a blur. Half dead, I pressed through projects until a red-flagged email popped up on my desk top. Mr. Klingston wanted to talk...

I dragged my feet to his corner-office, and plopped into the chair. What happened next isn't worth recalling. Chide remarks about performance and disappointment. He shook his head and looked away. I was dismissed.

"And—Mr. Hale..." He added.

I turned my ear toward him. He waited until I turned all the way back around, forcing me to squint at the wall of windows behind him and the bright sunlight.

"Do take a shower," he finally said.

A crooked smile tugged on the corner of lips.

"Of course," I said and gently closed the door behind me.

A couple eyes glanced at me as I did the walk of shame back to my cubicle. I didn't care. My mind was caught on his words. "You were the first choice for the promotion...We will start looking at other options..." Other options. Like they have other options. But I have to admit, if my top coder dropped to the bottom tier I'd look elsewhere too. I'd want someone mentally stable running my company, not the inconsistent, empty shell of a man that I'd become.

I logged off my computer and shut it down for the weekend. Pulling the desk drawer open, I grabbed the snack bar I'd brought as my lunch, yanked my jacket from the back of my chair, and made my way to the elevator. I get to keep my job, for now, but I'd been sent home early.

Like a horde of wasps I could almost hear my coworker's unasked questions whizz through the air. But no one, not even Thresh or Mary, stopped me or dared to voice them.

Back in my trashed apartment I sat in my shower. The water streamed over my face like a rushing river, forcing me to cover my nose so I could still breathe. Everything I'd clung to so I could have a happy life with Kasey was crumbling. I'd gone into programing because I got a rush designing code. It was like creating a language or a piece of art. But the thing that got me through the tedious conference calls and undeserved reprimands was knowing I was building my life with Kasey.

My salary was enough to afford her dream house and more. She could pursue her projects and never worry about bills. I worked extra to make room for her dreams because that was my dream.

What drug me to work now? To protect my mind from being wiped? That was hardly a fear. Part of me wanted to forget. Whispers of what I might have done wouldn't haunt me anymore. Yet a slightly larger part wanted to remember everything, wanted to find the truth.

The water shifted from hot, to warm, to cold but I sat in my artificial rainstorm until goosebumps formed on my arms. I dried off, shaved my face, and threw on a pair of jeans and a black, long-sleeve shirt. Laying on my bed, my fingers traced the hardened vinyl of the black mask. It had ridges for the nose, eyebrows, cheeks, and lips, and holes for the eyes and nostrils. The mouth was slightly open, but the mask was completely void of any expression or memorable features.

I fell asleep.

"Ain't no mountain hiiiigh enough..." the song for my alarm blared. I tossed on my side and reached for my phone and—

"Kasey?" I whispered.

She was there, shimmering like an angel lying in my bed. She stared at me with a carefree smile. Light radiated from her body.

"Sen!" Her voice layered on top of itself like ripples on water. She playfully punched my shoulder, "You fell asleep during my favorite movie."

"Kasey, I love you. Please don't leave me." I reached for her face but my palm passed through her.