The Podcast

The room flashed up with blinding light, the camera shifted. He's awake. 'Up and at em compadre! We got a show to run!' the man slinked forward, grinning ear to ear. His shirt had 4 bloodstains on the sleeves, and a large stain down the front, the trousers worn and torn with a few holes covered in clingfilm. He grappled the tripod and moved the camera close enough that it would be harder for the audience to see the person. It added to the 'prank' façade.

The small light in the corner glowed red, his microphone making a small beep to signify it working, and the show began.

'hello all you *goreious* bastards! Jonah here, with a new episode of cook it fresh!' with that, he made his signiture hand gesture, a butchers knife above his head, and a thumbs up by his side, his grin all the sam, 'Today's sponsor is green dishcloth so stick around til the mid of the podcast for that!' for a brief moment, his smile flickered, but he regained his focus towards the camera, holding his victim steady.

'today we will be making a nice juicy classic steak and fries. All you'll need is a good slab of meat to cut, and some sweet potato. If you want you can use regular potato, but that's dull and so are you.' He put on a small serious face, but immediately started laughing, keeping his persona in front of his person, 'first, we'll preheat the oven to 230 degrees Celsius or gas mark 8, for that good crisp, and prepare the meat.' He finally leant down to the person laying on his meat counter, whispering in his video voice, 'That means you!' before turning the camera up slightly and grabbing his meat cleaver. There was a slight mumbling shriek.

*CRUNCH*

He wiped a small patch of blood off his forehead. 'As I was saying,' pointing the camera down and beginning to dice out a small part of the right hip of his victim, 'today's sponsor is green dishcloth, a really handy app to get your ingredients to yours without the hassle of going outside!' as he pulled out a still warm portion of the flesh, he gave a small finger guns on his right hand and a wink, 'and with the code "COOKIT1" you get your first order free! So visit greendishcloth.com for your free meal!' he finally had the slab on the oiled tray to his left, and began to say his next sentence, when a moan came from the table. The man had opened his eyes bloodshot, and was still breathing. A small shade of grey crept across his face as the cleaver began to crash down countless times. Making the same impact as before. The life finally escaped his troubled body, and he slept eternally.

The blogger brushed his sides with his hands, wiping the blood from them with a huff and a sigh. 'anyway, we have our meat now, and the oven should be nice and *a-spicy*' he held his hand high up in the pinched way Italians are stereotypically known to do. Grabbing the tray, he gently thrust it into the scorching oven, closing the door and turning the timer for only 5 minutes. 'now I know what you're saying, "But JONAAAaaAH, won't it be RAW??" and to that I say, yes! But only until we put it in the pan for tossin'!' he leant against the table, staring into the lifeless eyes of his victim. His smile crept up his face once again, a motivation to get the job done.

*BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.*

Holding up the pan, Jonah leans across the counter top, dirtying his t-shirt even more. 'as you can see, I've seasoned the pan with paprika, salt, pepper and just a *teeny* bit of sugar. For the fat of the meat, frequent viewers will understand.' He winked at the camera once again, turning back to grab the tray. Flipping the meat onto the sizzling pan, he showed off the fat on the tray. 'you can already see how fatty human flesh is, so any excess is more than enough, and that is too much fat.' He didn't even bother to hide the body any more, as he left the pan cooking, he lifted up the body, moving it to the industrial freezer in the back. The pan started to really pick up the smoke, the fat beggining to slightly caramelise on the steak.

'mmmm just smell that...' he tilted his head up and brought in the fumes. He intoxicated himself on the smells of the searing meat.

Bringing the pan back down to a simmer, he chopped the sweet potato fast and chunky. 'you know,' he began, still chopping, 'some people skin these before cooking, but the skin is the best bit, cause its got all the fibre and actual useful stuff.' He finished chopping and chucked them onto the tray, still coated with fat. 'it adds more flavour to these dull chips,' he mentioned, throwing the tray in for another 10 minutes. 'this time, we're turning the heat down to 170 Celsius, or gas mark 4,' turning the knob back round.

The final product was released from the now boiling tray, the fat seared to it and stuck fast. The chips fell off onto the now bloodied plate, the steak tossed on haphazardly. 'now that's what I'm talking about! And for the greenery,' he grabbed a head of lettuce, ripping of 5 leaves and splitting them across the plate. 'bon appetit!' he kissed his finger tips, beginning to rip into the steak with his knife, tearing off pieces and covering them with lettuce. He chewed, and swallowed as viscerally as he could. 'oh yeah... That's that good shit.' He sighed, satisfactorily.

'well, that's it for the podcast ladies and gentlemen. This has been cook it fresh with your only host, Jonah, and remember, ***don't be the food, cook it!**'

The recording light fell silent. His face drew down to a small smirk, and finally left. He stood over the food, the steaks juices drizzling onto the chips. Tentatively, he took the plate to his front room, turning on the news, bringing down his voice to a low whisper.

'sorry about that mate, but it had to be done, you'd started to think too hard about the show, and so I had to make you part of it.'

His smile crawled back across his face, as he took another bite of the steak.