“Hoy, Dwain!”
Mukhang hindi niya ako narinig dahil tulala pa din siya hanggang ngayon. Pansin ko lately, madalas siyang tulala. Minsan ko pa siyang naabutan na tila may kinakausap pero wala naman siyang kausap na iba. Ganito ba talaga kalaki ang pinagbago niya? Parang hindi ko na makita yung bestfriend ko sa kaniya. Madalas na parang wala na yung Dwain na nakilala ko. Sabagay, apat na taon akong wala sa tabi niya. Apat na taong walang komunikasyon. Maski ni-hi or hello, wala. Apat na taong walang reply sa bawat pangungumusta ko sa kaniya through social media. Pero, 'di bale, past is past. I'll just look at the brighter side, at least finally kasama ko na siya ngayon living on the same roof.
“Dwain,” I called her name... twice, thrice...
Nung hinawakan ko siya sa balikat ay tumingin siya sa 'kin at saka binanggit ang pangalan ko, “Miller.”
“What's wrong? May problema ba?” Umupo ako sa sofa sa tabi niya. “You know, Dwain, you can open up. I'm willing to lend my ears to you. Like always. So, so, so... what's bothering you?”
“Please don't ever leave me alone. Please stay,” she said looking directly into my eyes with a serious expression on her face, and out of a sudden, her lips curved into a smile.
Naguluhan man ay tumango lamang ako rito at gaya niya'y isang matamis na ngiti ang kumurba sa aking mga labi.
“Kain na tayo,” pag-iiba nito ng usapan at saka tumayo at naglakad patungong kusina.
Okay. That was a bit weird. Tamayo na lamang din ako at sumunod sa kaniya.
———
Tinignan ko si Dwain na natutulog na sa kaniyang kama. Payapa ang itsura nito't tila walang anumang problemang iniinda. Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya kanina. Of course, I won't leave you, Dwain. Whatever happens, I will stay.
Days, weeks, and months had passed. Dwain was getting weirder and weirder. Laging lutang at wala sa sarili. Laging din nitong kausap ang hangin. Kailangan ko pa siyang kalabitin para lang mapansin niya ang presensiya ko. She was like having a daydream. She was daydreaming most of the time and it was bothering me.
———
Kinabukasan ay maghapon kong hindi nakita si Dwain. Hindi ko rin siya nakita sa school. Pinuntahan ko siya kaninang lunch break sa kanilang roon pero wala siya. Nagtanong ako sa mga kaklase nito at ang sabi'y nag-excuse raw kaninang magc-cr pero hindi na bumalik ulit sa klase.
I glanced at my wristwatch. Past 7 PM na ngunit wala pa rin siya dito sa kitaan namin tuwing pagkatapos ng klase. Usually, bago mag-7 ay nandito na siya. Ngayon lamang nangyari ang ganitong hindi niya pagsipot agad sa kitaan namin. Na saan ka na ba, Dwain? I was pacing back and forth as the nervous started filling me and worries started bombarding my mind. I dialed her number hoping she answers, but it is just ringing. Why weren't she answering my call? Damn.
“Na saan ka na ba, Dwain?” paulit-ulit kong tanong habang paulit-ulit ko ding idinadial ang number niya.
I heaved a sigh with distress. Where are you, Dwain? Please, I hope you're safe.
———
It has been 3 days and she's still missing. She's still nowhere to be found.
Nagpatulong na ako sa mga pulis sa paghahanap sa kaniya. Humingi na rin ako ng tulong sa mga classmates at iba pang kakilala ko at mga nakakakilala kay Dwain. Nagdikit at nag-abot na rin ako ng mga posters sa kung saan-saan nagbabakasakaling may tumawag sa 'kin kung may makakita man kay Dwain.
Napaupo ako sa kama ng may mabigat na loob. Tears start flowing down my face. Sniffs and sobs are the sounds filling the four corned room of mine and Dwain.
“Na saan ka na ba, Dwain? Why did you just disappear?” I said between my sobs.
My heart beats fast the moment I heard my phone rang. Dali-dali ko itong sinagot without even giving a glance who the caller would be.
“Ma'am, she's found.”
I jumped out of the bed nang marinig ko ang tinig ng isang pulis. OMG! She was found! Dwain was found! Dali-dali akong nagtatakbo pababa at umalis para pumunta sa police station.
Magkahalong tuwa at galak ang nararamdaman ko ngayon dahil nahanap at nakita na si Dwain pero...
Lungkot. Lungkot din agad ang bumalot sa 'kin. No, sadness is an understatement to what I am feeling right now. I slowly walked towards her, reached her with my trembling hands.
“Ma'am, mas mabuti po na dalhin na siya sa isang psychiatrist,” wika ng pulis na lumapit sa 'kin.
My gaze locked down at Dwain, observing what she's doing. Tila wala ito sa sarili, tumatawa nang mag-isa at nagsasalita na tila may kausap na kahit isa sa amin na nandito at nakatingin sa kaniya ay hindi nakikita.
———
“Ano ang napansin mo noong huli mo siyang kasama? Have you noticed strange things she does?” tanong ng doktora sa 'kin.
Dahan-dahan akong tumango bago sumagot. “Madalas ko siyang naaabutang nakatulala, parang wala sa sarili kapag siya lang mag-isa. Minsan ngingiti ng walang dahilan, p-parang...” Sandali akong huminto. “Para siyang nagd-daydream, doc,” dugtong ko. Tumango lamang ang doktor.
“Do you know something about her past psychological condition, any records?” Tanging iling lamang ang naging sagot ko sa tanong niya. She never mention something about it.
“Was she a victim of physical and mental abuse before?” muling tanong ng doktora na nakapagpatigil sa 'kin.
Dahan-dahan akong tumango habang ang luha sa mga mata ko ay unti-unting nagsimulang tumulo. “S-she was r-raped and been tortured by her biological father. S-she also saw how her father killed her mom unmercifully. She's been through a lot and...” I suddenly stopped as the grim memories popped out in my head, how she pleaded for me to stay by her side but I did not listen. I neglected her.
“—and I was not by her side for the past 4 years. I left her behind. It was all my fault. If only I didn't leave her I could've saved her. She wouldn't end up like this... This wouldn't happen...”
“—because in the first place, I already knew she had no one but me,” I continued. Loud sobs and sniffs are coming out from me as the penitence was getting all over me.
———
Nasa harapan ako ngayon ni Dwain, nakatitig lamang sa payapa nitong mukha. Pinagmamasdan ko siyang magsalita at ngumiti nang mag-isa. Tila may nakikita siyang ibang tao rito. Tila siya'y nasa ibang dimensiyon ng mundong siya mismo ang may likha at nakulong doon.
Looking at her, she didn't look lost at all. The way she talked and flashed a smile was actually the same from how the way she does it naturally. A bitter smile formed on my lips as I realized one thing.
She did finally found her comfort and it is crushing me into pieces knowing that it is not by my side, it is not with me. It is with herself and her imagination.
I hugged her as tight as my love for her. Tears were streaming down my face as I leaned over her ear and whispered the words, “Dwain, come back. Please, come back.”
