Until Then

Chapter 17

Regret

Matapos nag nangyare paguusap nain kanina I feel dissapointed and regrets sobrang sakit lahat ng mga naranasan ko..... Tinanggap ko lahat kahit kapalit nun sakit ganon naman talaga kapag mahal mo isang tao,  handa ka mag sacrifice mapabuti lang kayo.
Akala ko ako lang mahal nya, yung akala ko hindi nya ako basta basta bibitawan pero simula nung dumating si Zoe, nagbago lahat....

nagkamali ako ng akala

Mahal ko parin sya hindi ko mapigilan sarili ko na wag magpadala sa nararamdaman ko,  dahil mali to
tatlong taon na lumipas pero nasasaktan parin ako
Namalayan ko nalang sarili ko na napunta ako sa mini bar dito sa rest house na tinutuluyan namin. Tamang-tama to e iinom ko nalang tong nararamdaman ko.

Habang umiinom ako ng champaign
Nag f-flashback parin sakin mga sinabi ni jerson, sa sobrang pagkainis ko tinapon ko yung hawak hawak kong  iniinom na champaign kasabay nito pagpatak ng mga luha ko.

While I'm miserable sobbing
at the corner in this bar
Nakarinig ako ng pagbukas ng pinto
I don't who the fuck is it hindi ko na binalak na alamin pa nag focus nalang ako sa ininom ko,
habang umiinom ako
Someone grabbed my glass of champaign...

-Hey! You crazy!
Kinuha nya yon at ininom yon hindi ko alam bakit andito to, hindi ba sya nakakaramdam na gusto ko mapag-isa... Tss' I roll my eyes and stand up to leave this place
Pero pinigilan nya ako... Babawiin ko na sana pagkaka ligil nya sa kamay ko nong bigla sya imiyak sa harap ko, ewan ko bakit bigla din ako naiyak para kaming mga tanga humahagugol sa pagiyak. Inunahan ko na sya magsalita

How's marriege jerson?
Do you still love her dearly? - i asked him

Why don't you tell me hayley... What was our relationship to you? And what did love mean to you? He answered

Napa tigil ako ako sa pagiyak dahil sa sinabi nya, ano nga ba yung relationship saming dalawa...
.
.
To me love
was a delusion
The fence that protected me...
And the stable foundation my life was buit on. I though no one would be able to break me... What I though was wholly mine.
Love was the start of this delusion and the end to my pains.

I'm so sorry hayley,  for what I've done to you in a past year i gradual starting to fall in love to Zoe. But I was dumb I realize na ikaw parin mahal ko sobrang akong nagsisi hayley
*sobbing* - hindi ko man lang makita ang muka niya pero alam kong umiiyak siya

Haha? *sarcastic laugh* while grab the bottle of wine*
Are you telling me it's my fault
that we turned out this way?

I just... Gave it though
If you forgave ne then,  what would it be like now.

Inilapag ko yung bote ng alak,baka kung ano ano pa masabi nya
You should go.  It's late.

-What if hayley I told you I regret getting married?
That love wasn't any different.
would yoy sayibg this help?  Once love become married everything turned out ti be the same... What if I told yoy it's plain...
and I've gotten sick of it?
   Will you tell me the truth too?

-What truth!?
that you regret what happen!

For not fogiving me hayley!
For pushing me away and for making me a jerk!
  Tell me you're regretting it all.
  Tell me you still have feeling for me! -sigaw niya sakin

"Your crazy!" - sagot ko

Its doesn't make sense otherwise
Why did you come all the way to the dark and kiss me too...
WHY DID YOU SAY SUCH A LIE FOR ME!? that you do not remember anything hayley!?

"You should leave.  You're drunk jerson. " -asik ko sakanya

     Weren't you actually waiting for me to come back?
Youe were waiting for me to go on my knees and beg...
To get back together
Isn't what you were waiting for Hayley?

Please,  jerson umalis kana  *sobbing* nahihirapan na ako sa bigat ng nararamdaman ko...

Even at this moment, you want to be in my arms!!
I know it's killing you!
Am I wrong!!?

*Slap in the face* Youre insane!

Are you saying hayley I'm wrong?

...Sinimulan ko na sya pag susuntokin sa dibdib nya dahil sa galit at sakit na nararamdaman ko, bakit ba ganito naging kapalaran samin
nag mahal lang naman ako pero hindi akalahin sobra naman natanggap kong sakit.

Hayley am I really wrong?

Napatitig ako sa mga mata nya at ganon rin sya,  puno ng lungkot at pagsisi mga mata nya sobrang na miss na miss ko na sya...
Gusto ko sya yakapin at sabihin na mahal na mahal ko parin sya,
Pero hindi ko masabi dahil mali na sabihin ko pa ulit yon..
Ayuko na makasira sa relayon na meron sya ngayon, mabuti pang tanggapin nalang namin kung ano yung kapalaran na dumating sa buhay namin ngayon.

Napa gitla nalang ako sa gulat dahil hinalikan nya ako,
damn it! I really badly miss this kiss..
Hindi ko na tinanggihan yon at pumalag nalang din sa mga lahik nya, tumagal yung halik namin sa isat isa kasabay non paghalik nya sa noo ko.
He never failed to make me smile,
But I think this is the last moment that we were together...
Im so happy to have you in my life.

Should I go back to you?

No.
Protect that married.

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