Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Part 1

Tori O'Malley liked her life. It was perfect. She was a software engineer with a stable income, a pretty damn nice house, and an awesome dog, Nellie.

The crazy chaos started on a Friday. Tori liked her Fridays very much, since she could sit with Nellie on her comfortable couch and watch TV and yell about how the stabbed intestines didn't really look like intestines. Fridays were also the days she would sit down to eat deep fried Oreos which she had made herself. She seemed to be the only one who could appreciate their thorough beauty.

It was just another Friday, and Tori was on the couch, getting ready to choose a movie, when she heard her doorbell ring. 

Tori knew she should go open the door, but the couch was comfortable and Nellie was at her prime fluffiness level. She also had a gut feeling to run upstairs and hide under the bed in tornado warning position. Yes, the one they had taught you in elementary school, the one where you got down with your head on the floor and your legs folded up underneath you, the one where you prayed the idiot in front of your did not cut the cheese. But Tori, being in a relatively good mood that Friday, decided to open the door in case it turned out to be a girl scout selling cookies or some other good shit like that. She pulled open the door, and she was not at all prepared for what she saw.

There was a woman dressed in all black, and she looked like a ninja. She was carrying a huge gun, and was wearing a mask that covered most of her face except for two piercing eyes.

"Let me into your house." she said, her voice cold, like steel.

"Uh..." Tori said, trying to make her voice steel-like but failing.

"Let me in!" the woman yelled, and Tori instinctively jumped back. Tori Logic told her not to let the woman in, because she was a ninja and all her Friday movie knowledge pointed out that when people let ninjas or spies into their house, their house was permanently damaged (because the bad guys always used the roof for no reason) or they wound up dead.

Tori was not in the mood to die.

"Uh..." Tori said, doing her level best to form coherent words.

"Just let me in, you piece of infectious wheat scum!" The woman yelled, and Tori straightened her spine, and looked the woman in the eyes.

"Not today, Satan." She slammed the door, ran upstairs, and hid under her bed for what seemed like a good two hours in the tornado warning position, Nellie pushed into her chest, licking her face.

When she got up, she backed up against the wall and looked out of the window in the most unsuspicious way possible. She was sure that she was looking out the window in the "Cinderella talks to animals" way rather than the "please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me" type of way. She then sat on the floor, and she realized that her neck hurt from bending down so badly. Stupid tornado warning position.

Little did she know what would happen next.