Maybe This Time

Chapter Forty Four.

ZOEY

Kasama ni Allix ang buwan sa mall habang hinihintay nila ako'ng matapos sa trabaho. He said he will be bringing her to an indoor playground, maglalaro raw sila. Ako naman, nasa main branch ng Pixie Dust ngayon, hands-on para sa pastries na dadalhin sa anniversary nina Tita Aly at Tito Enz. It's their 25th so there will be a celebration tomorrow.

"Ma'am Zoey, you have a visitor," my secretary informed me and I looked up from the inventory that I'm currently doing. I am not expecting anyone today but it's probably a friend if it's this random.

"Sure, papasukin mo," I answered. She went out for a short while to get the visitor. I looked up when I heard the glass door open once more and I immediately dropped my pen.

"Oh... I'm sorry. Is it a bad time?" nahihiya niyang tanong. She even picked up my pen when my secretary left us to be alone.

"It's okay..." naiilang kong sagot bago ko kinuha ang pen na naihulog ko. I motioned for one of the vacant seats in front of my table and she gracefully took the left one.

"Hi, Zoey," she started. I cannot look her in the eyes, masyadong akong nahihiya sa mga nangyari.

"I'm sorry, Yvanna. I... I honestly don't know what to say," nakayuko kong sabi. "I wasn't planning for this to happen."

"I'm not mad," she assured me in a soft voice. I finally looked up and she met my gaze with those sad eyes. "I just wish I knew... Zoey, you could've told me..."

"I didn't think it was important for you to know. I'm Allix's past. What would that make me if I told you? Nanggugulo? Nang-aagaw?" paliwanag ko sa kanya sabay iling. "I stayed quiet. I stayed on the sidelines. I wanted you and Allix to happen..."

Huminga ako nang malalim at pinagsama ang dalawang palad ko sa harap. Napayuko ako at isinandal dito ang noo ko.

"Yvanna, I mean what I said. I never wanted to stand in your way. Kahit alam kong kaya kong pabalikin si Allix kapag sinabi ko ang totoo. Pero hindi ko ginawa dahil ayoko na bumalik siya sa akin para lang sa anak namin. Gusto ko maging masaya siya," pagpapatuloy ko. "Kaya ko naman na kami lang ni Selene, eh. Hindi ko hiningi kay Allix 'yon. Ayaw kong hilingin dahil kung masaya siya sa'yo, ano pang karapatan ko?"

"I know it's not your fault. Oh god, it's no one's fault and that's the truth," pakawala niya. "I understand why Allix did what he did. Selene deserves a complete family..."

"Kasalanan ko, Yvanna. If I didn't push him away..."

"There would be no need for me..." malungkot niyang duktong. "Right?"

"No. If I didn't push him away, you won't be hurting like this. Ayokong makasakit ng tao," balik ko sa kanya nang inangat ko ang ulo ko para muli siyang tignan. "Ayokong masaktan ka. Si Allix. Pero kaya nangyari 'to ay dahil sa mga desisyon ko noon."

"Allix told me," she heaved a sigh before giving me a sad smile. "When he was breaking off the engagement, he told me everything. And in some fucked up way, instead of being mad at you, I understood. Naintindihan ko kung bakit mo ginawa 'yon. It would break Allix's heart if he didn't follow his dream back then. So you broke yours instead."

"I never did that to be a martyr," I quietly said. "I did that for him. So he could be great."

"But he's only as great when he's with you," dagdag niya bago kinuha ang kamay kong nakapatong sa table. "Zoey, when Allix and I started to get closer in New York, I knew that at some point he'll break my heart because I can see it in him that he's still in love with whoever he left here in the Philippines. And that's you."

"I've always wondered what you're like because he would never tell me. Ayaw niyang pag-usapan, ayaw niyang binabanggit. Until I got used to the things that he kept from me. It's all in the past anyway so I respected his choice," pagkukuwento niya. "It wasn't easy at first. He was aloof and I was nursing a broken heart like him so I saw that as a distraction. Until we got close, then our first date was followed by a second one... until I lost count... until we went back here."

"We worked hard for this, Zoey. But that's the thing, tinrabaho 'yong amin para tumibay. Unlike yours. What you had with him was made with love," napailing siya at nakita ko ang luha na umaagos mula sa mga mata niya. "I've always felt that something changed when we got back here. Lalo na no'ng nakita niya si Selene. She's all that he talks about. He's very fond of her."

"Here," I softly said when I reached for the tissue box so I can give it to her. She smiled and grabbed some so she can wipe her cheeks.

"I'm sorry..."

"You don't have to apologize to me, Yvanna. Ako 'yong nakasakit sa'yo. I should be the one saying sorry," I said as I gently pressed her hand. "I'm really, really sorry."

"I can't say that it's okay because it hurts. But I can never forgive myself if Selene will grow up without him," she said while wiping her tears. "You know what, my best friend Hera lost her dad when we were still in medicine school. Nakita ko kung paano siya nasaktan no'ng nangyari 'yon dahil close sila ng daddy niya. If I were in her shoes, I would lose it too. Because I am not me without my dad, and I can't take that away from Selene. Alam ko na kaya niyo na wala si Allix pero iba pa rin kung nand'yan siya para sa anak niyo. Selene deserves that, to have a chance to build a strong relationship not only with you but with her father..."

Hindi ko namalayan na umiiyak na rin ako kung hindi niya pa ibinalik ang tissue sa akin para magamit ko.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Yvanna..." paulit-ulit kong sabi and she held on to my hand a little tighter with an assuring smile. We were both crying but she still managed to give me a smile.

"It's not your fault. You only did what you think was right," she even said. "Hindi ko makuhang magalit sa'yo kasi nakikita ko mabuti kang tao. Nakikita ko kung anong minahal sa'yo ni Allix..."

"But... I can't also stay here. Masakit pa, eh. Kailangan ng doctor gamutin 'yong sarili niya sa ngayon," tawa niya habang nagpupunas muli ng mga luha. "I can't depend on anyone from this hurt. I have to do it on my own so I could be stronger when I come back. So I could face Allix without the bitterness in my heart of what could've been..."

Binitiwan niya ang kamay ko at dahan-dahan niyang tinanggal ang princess cut diamond na nakasuot sa daliri niya. It's their engagement ring.

"I believe this belongs to you," sabi niya pa bago ibinaba sa harap ko ang singsing. "I hope you can get your happy ending with him, Zoey. Kung hindi, magagalit ako. Sayang naman lahat ng iniyak ko kung hindi rin pala kayo magiging masaya," biro niya pa at tumayo ako mula sa swivel chair para yumakap sa kanya. Tinapik niya ang likod ko bago ako muling hinarap.

"Don't waste this chance, okay? Not everyone gets a second chance at love..." paalala niya pa at tumango ako bago siya muling niyakap.

I honestly do not know what to feel. Sa totoo lang, takot akong harapin si Yvanna dahil sa hiya na nararamdaman ko pero tinanggap niya ako nang walang galit. She let go with grace, she's selfless, that's why Allix fell for her.

"You are beautiful, Yvanna. And I'm not saying that lightly," I said and she smiled. "Thank you. Thank you and I'm sorry."

"I'll heal from this, Zoey. Just promise me, you'll make it right this time?"

"I promise," I assured her.