Diary of a Young Professional (Volume 1)

5.22.2017

Dear Diary,

Somewhere along the way, it happened: I grew up.

I'm not a kid anymore, and that realization is sudden and uncomfortable.  My entire life, all I've ever wanted is to be a success and make my parents proud.

Last month I graduated from college, a monstrous milestone for me.  After the awards and commencement ceremonies ended, so too did the feeling of being on the track to greatness.

I spent today unpacking yet another rubber tub of belongings, mainly clothes, into my new apartment. When I saw my graduation cords in today's unpacking– representing academic honor societies, community service hours, and leadership achievements – it already seemed like years had passed. Barely been three weeks have passed since I graduated college...how can I already feel so lost?

I guess I shouldn't be too upset. After all, I did start my new job today

I went back to work for Chambers & Co., a textile manufacturer where I did my junior year summer internship. Lucky for me, I did well enough that they wanted me to come back to their Planning department. They actually called me while I was on winter break before my final semester and asked me to come back to work for them.

In this job market, getting a job offer is a blessing!  Full-time positions are hard to come by, especially for a 21-year-old with only one summer internship of real-world working experience.  Shouldn't I feel elated?  No - I feel safe.

I didn't even look for jobs while the rest of my friends went off to their interviews for half of the spring semester...I was just content to go back to what I know. Was that wrong? Maybe I settled.

My first day at work was familiar, but strange.  So much changed while I was away!  Many faces  I knew the year before were gone; I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to the ones who moved on to bigger and better things. Already, new people filled the seats that were still assigned to other people in my head.

I guess I'll have to start all over again: new work friends, new alliances, new everything.

Well, I guess that isn't quite true – some people were the same as my internship days. The managers were certainly still established in their offices; the tinted glass doors were firmly shut, but the name plates hadn't changed.

Being in charge must be nice.  Just imagine: a private office with a mahogany wood desk and a mini-fridge filled with my favorite snacks (not the disgusting, smelly breakroom mess where I hid my bagged lunch today).  I want that.

All in all, today was a pretty boring day. I went over company policies, got a new laptop, and spent all day on the phone with IT trying to get my company e-mail to work...what a rush. I'm a working girl now. Yippee.

After work, the best thing for me would've been to go sit at the tiny hipster coffee shop next to campus and gossip about first day jitters with my girlfriends.  Even now, I can smell the slightly singed milk and peppermint accent on my standard fat-free mocha.

But most of my friends have moved on to jobs in other cities – or they went home to their parents, wherever that may be. My job took me half an hour away from my college haunts and I guess I'm worried that I'll lose touch with everyone who I have left there.

Will my favorite barista remember my order if I go back now?  Or am I already forgotten?

But the bright side to moving away from my college town is that I'm living much closer to my boyfriend – David. He lives just thirty minutes away from my new apartment; frankly, being between him and work is ideal.  I just wish that he didn't live with his parents so that we could spend a little more alone time at his place instead of him always having to drive over here.

All in all, David is a big step up from the friends with benefits situation that haunted most of my senior year Fall semester.  Note to self: the wildly hot guy never settles down into a relationship right before graduating.

David is a much more available partner, even if the reason for that is because he hasn't figured out what direction he wants to go in life. But he can't be the only person I rely on as I start off my adult life...I've got to be able to make new friends and find my own way through the solitude.

Loneliness is a strange emotion for me. I wasn't ever a popular kid in high school; I was a nerd and a band geek. And I was (and still am) okay with that! Most of my high school "friends" turned out to be less-than-friendly by the end, so I was ready to get out of there.

College was a real transformation for me...I made (what felt like) hundreds of friends and got involved on campus. Somehow, I wound up in student government and I managed to keep excellent grades - despite holding a social calendar consistently overflowing with movie nights, concerts, coffee shop hangouts, and many infamous college parties

Maybe I need to make working feel like those college adventures.  I could get involved in some sort of committee...or excel at my job and climb to the top of the department?  Actually, that's exactly what I need to do!

I'll build a network of influential friends (and frenemies) and ace everything about my job - it can't be much harder than my Finance final exam.

The classes I took as a Business student allowed me to meet professionals and take on projects I found truly interesting.  Throughout my studies, I was dreaming of life as a world-renowned CEO or Marketing guru who frequented rooftop bars and owned private properties at the most pristine pinnacles of relaxation.

I've envisioned running companies from private villas nestled away in between mountains, lakes, beaches...anywhere, really.  So why not start my meteoric rise right here in my very first job?

More than anything, I want to be the executive goddess that I see in my mind's eye.  I've imagined my montage to the top so many times that I can recite every nuanced detail of my vision (right down to the color of my shoes in each scene).  Reality is a harsh wake-up call, forcing me to take stock of my real life situation.

I'm not connecting with influential business celebrities or volunteering with the community's most premiere, newsworthy organizations.  I don't have a small country of online followers on a fitness blog or makeup video channel.  Frankly, I'm just ordinary.

But it is possible to ascend to greatness.  And I have to ascend.  I will ascend.

College would have been for nothing if I don't.

After just one day of work, I miss the allure of being a college student.  Savvy students can build hordes of friends and followers with limitless free time and cultivated curiosity; they can stretch their limits and obtain on-campus infamy.  In college, building a personal name brand is not just a dream - it's a real possibility!   That empire - my empire - is cocooned away from reality in the self-contained bubble of a college campus.

But my bubble has burst.  Now I'm in the real world.

Is it too late to go back?

~ Kelsey