I am not crying, you are.

Even if you feel like you can't, believe me you can ~ Past

I really love my job and life is going kinda good right now even if it wasn't and isn't always like that.

I work as a waitress in a restaurant with two hotels and I really like it. I ever wanted to become one since my mother told me stories about her being a waitress as a teenager.

She was my age when she started and worked there for a fee years. She stopped working when she found her love and got married.

She is my Idol. I want to be just as strong as she is.

Her Husband, my father, worked in the Switzerland and everyone knows that working there makes very good money. We are from Austria.

We had a big house with three floors, a big balcony and I mean really big it was about 12 meters long. We had a big garden with a pool, two cars, a garden house where we would have barbecue parties in summer, a field with tomatoes, a pear and apple tree and a small playground.

We had a good life if someone was looking on the outside but the inside was dirty.

Me and my two sisters had a good life as it seemed for our young minds. My sisters and I were playing a lot outside in the garden because we were not allowed to go out on the street. It confused me because there weren't really a lot of cars driving by. Maybe five cars a day and the street was a private street so we knew everyone of our neighborhood really good.

At this time I started to notice something I was about six years old as I remember. It was my last year in kindergarten.

I walked to kindergarten everyday and had a few friends too. I was walking home one day and got inside my house when I heard my mother cry.

I was confused and started walking near the kitchen to eavesdrop on what's going on. I stood hidden in a corner and saw my father looking at her with an angry expression. I didn't realize they were fighting, I only really noticed my sad mother.

I really wanted to run to her and cuddle her to make everything better like she does with me but something stopped me. I had a feeling that I shouldn't let them know that I saw what was happening in here so I turned around and ran back outside to make it look like I just came from school.

I often thought about that day, even in the night. The memories kept me awake. Sometimes I looked at my father and imagined if he could be so mad at me but I shook my head and believed I just had silly thoughts.

Another time we were going out for groceries and me and my sisters sat in the back of the car. My parents were in the grocery store to get everything they needed and we waited for them.

As soon as they came back out they weren't looking very happy. I couldn't hear anything because the windows were closed but I saw my fathers mad face and my mother nearly crying again.

I frowned at the sight and stared at them. They opened the trunk of our car and put the bag of groceries in it. I flinched as I heard my father scream something I didn't understand. I also heard my mother sob for a second then she closed the trunk as fast as she could.

I turned around to look back out and saw how he started to talk to her really fast and started to wave his hands around in a aggressive way. It scared me how he talked with my mother and I felt useless that i couldn't help her feel better.

My sister didn't realize what was going on or ignored it I don't know but I knew that I was the only one that slowly had a clue on what was going on.

I think my parents found out that I saw what happened or suspected something because it was the last time I saw them fighting. I thought everything was good again but then I heard my mother sobbing in the night. My father didn't come home that night because of work he said but I heard them arguing over the phone.