Begin Again

chapter five

THE TRAIN WHIZZES as I settle deeper into my seat, watching the passing scenery from the window. I'm heading home for the weekend as I haven't been home for a while now, and I'm desperately craving some of my mom's cooking.

It's also Halloween, and my roommates had been extremely upset with me that I wasn't going to be spending it with them and their plans of partying around the city.

"You can't be going home," Talia had complained, watching me pack some clothes into my suitcase. "We were planning on going bar hopping to all places with discount drinks if you wear a costume."

I rolled my eyes, zipping up my luggage in one swift motion. "We didn't plan anything. I've been telling you guys that I was going back home for Halloween since the beginning of September."

Veronica huffed, choosing that moment to walk into my room. "We thought you were going to change your mind."

I gave them both huge smiles, putting my hands on their shoulders. "There will be other Halloweens in the future. It's not like we won't have the chance to spend it together again." As soon as the words had left my mouth, I noticed Veronica stiffen, which caused my smile to drop a little. For a split second, I'd forgotten that Veronica would be in Paris this time next year, meaning this was the last Halloween we'd probably all spend together. The thought brought a bitter taste to my mouth.

"It won't be the same, though," Talia whined, pulling me back into the conversation. "We won't be college students next year. What if we're all busy with work? What if something horrible happens, and we can't live together anymore? What if—"

"Tal, calm down," Veronica interjected, rubbing small circles on her arm. "I promise we'll celebrate next year."

I shared a look with Veronica as Talia perked up, wondering why she was making a promise that she didn't even know could be kept.

"Pinky promise?" Talia asked, looking between Veronica and me. She held out her pinky finger, looking at us expectantly. Since I met Talia when we were fourteen with braces and horrible acne, Talia had always trusted the power of a pinky promise. I knew that Talia was only terrified of the future because she was terrified of change, mainly if that change affected the dynamic of our small circle. The desperation and vulnerability in her eyes had pulled on my heartstrings, and for a fleeting second, I felt anger toward Veronica. But how could I be angry when she was chasing her dreams and making a career for herself? It just sucked that things would slowly be changing.

I glanced down at Talia's pinky finger before holding out my own, watching as Veronica did the same, a determined look on her face. I knew we were both thinking the same thing: if a stupid pinky promise was the one thing Talia needed to appease her worry, then a foolish pinky promise was what she was getting. At the same time, all three of us linked our fingers together, holding them there for a while as we all smiled.

"Promise."

The train suddenly lurches to a stop, announcing it as the last stop, which is also my stop. I quickly stand up, stretching my limbs as I reach into the overhead compartment to grab my suitcase, which is way too heavy for only three nights. I'd packed many clothes, even though my only plan for the weekend was to park my ass in front of the television as I indulge in some Halloween candy my mom has stored in the cabinets. Stepping off the train, I immediately see my mom waiting outside her car, a cigarette between her fingers. When she sees me walking toward her, her face turns into a grin, throwing the cigarette onto the sidewalk and stepping on it with her shoe.

"Hi, sweetie," she greets, pulling me into a hug. I melt into her embrace.

"I thought you said you were quitting," I say, gesturing to the crushed stick on the asphalt. She waves me away, shoving my suitcase into the trunk.