A Mother Full Of Memory: An Agnarr and Iduna Fanfiction

Chapter XIII: The Estrangement

Iduna couldn't sleep.

She tossed and turned, pushed her blankets off, and rearranged her pillow, but she just couldn't fall asleep.

Of course, it was probably because every time she closed her eyes she thought about them.

Oh, how she wished she could forget.

Iduna shifted in her bed and closed her eyes.

A pair of arms snaking around his neck. A sigh. A giggle.

Her eyes snapped open.

No.

She didn't want to think about that. Not now, not ever.

She sighed and got up from her bed, heading to the kitchen. Maybe if she made herself some warm chocolate, she'd sleep easier.

She heated up the milk, feeling sleepier already. She added the chocolate slowly, and stirred in the mixture. The white milk slowly turned into a rich dark brown.

The color of that woman's hair.

Their bodies pressed against each other, their mouths getting closer and closer...

Iduna turned away sharply, the spoon dropping with a sharp clang to the floor. She felt tears trying to fall, so she closed her eyes tightly.

Why couldn't she stop thinking about that? About them?

It had been a week already, but every time her mind was idle, she just couldn't help but remember.

Iduna went back to her room, holding her chocolate carefully. She wasn't in the mood to drink it anymore, but she didn't want it to go to waste. She set it down on her bedside table, but instead of crawling back into bed, she curled up at her window-seat, the moonlight illuminating it. She could just make out the castle's silhouette in the starlight. The tears came again but she blinked, refusing to let them fall.

Their mouths getting closer and closer... and then they met. They kissed, the candlelight flickering on their forms, and she pulled him closer...

Iduna's tears fell freely now, streaking down her face. Her body shook with silent sobs.

Every tiny detail was etched into her mind. She remembered how she had arrived at the library, full of hope and happiness. But then she had heard them talk. She had been so naive, thinking that maybe Agnarr was in a meeting of some sort. She had peered into the room, careful to not make any sound, lest she disturb them. And what had she found? That horrid, vile woman, her arms around his neck, kissing him. Iduna had left then, shocked and surprised. She had been desolate, so when Agnarr had come knocking at her door the next day, she hadn't answered him. Petty, she knew, but she couldn't even think of him without weeping, so how would she be able to face him? He had come to her house faithfully for a week, and every single time she had hidden away in her room, because she knew that if she saw his face she would let him in. 

Every time she thought about letting him in, she forced herself to remember that he had manipulated her from the start. If she talked to him, he'd just start using her again. He was better off with that witch of a woman.

Things were made easier for her when, after a week, Agnarr had simply stopped coming.

And that same day, after hearing some women chattering about it during her work, she had learned of the courtship. According to the women, their engagement had been arranged since their birth.

She didn't know why she was surprised to learn about that, but she was.

Because that meant that Iduna and Agnarr's relationship had always been some type of cruel joke. She had been nothing but a way to pass the time until his real bride arrived.

Iduna sobbed harder.

Had Agnarr ever loved her? Or had he really just been playing with her from the start?

She didn't know how long she cried, but when her tears finally subsided, Iduna brought her knees up to her chest and laid her head on them, watching the silhouette of the castle where Agnarr resided. The sun was peeking out of the shadows when she finally succumbed to sleep.

* * *

Agnarr sighed, collapsing into an armchair.

He gazed out the window, and in the distance he could see the village, and Iduna's home.

He didn't understand what had happened.

After she hadn't arrived at the library, Agnarr had gone to her house, but she hadn't answered. He had waited a while, in case she was out doing errands, but she never showed. Again.

He had been worried then, since he thought that she was in trouble or that something had happened to her.

But no.

The next day, he had come back, and he had seen her through the window, diligently immersed in her sewing.

But when he knocked, she had scrambled away to her room, leaving him standing there and never receiving an answer.

He had gone to her house every day for a week, putting off Malena for as long as he could, but Iduna never let him in.

Agnarr even went to Marta's house, determined to get to the bottom of what was happening. But either Marta knew nothing or she just didn't tell him, and he had left even more dejected than he had arrived.

That was when he had decided that Iduna simply didn't want to talk to him, and that she didn't love him anymore. He didn't know what had caused her to feel that, but he wouldn't force her into a relationship she didn't want. He loved her with all his heart, but if his feelings weren't reciprocated, then he would respect that.

And that's why, when Malena cornered him after he returned to the castle, after much prompting by his advisors, he asked if he could court her. He could tell that Malena was disappointed that Agnarr hadn't proposed, but he wasn't ready for that. There was only one person he had ever dreamt of proposing to, and that person apparently wanted nothing to do with him anymore. So he resigned himself into a dull courtship, which would later turn into a loveless marriage. 

But every night, he looked out of his window, and he stole glances of her house in the village. 

And on some nights, if he was lucky, he could see candlelight flickering on her window, and he satisfied himself with the knowledge that even though he couldn't be with her, she would always be close to his heart. 

A/N: So this chapter isn't really better than the last but it will get better I promise! Also I'll try to update the next chapter tomorrow!