Eugene's at it again: The Legend of Eugene Shitsneeze continuous

The beginning of the end

Eugene had had enough of this world and decided to make it right. He headed to Cooperville, where his legacy began, primed for war. Fury raged in his heart as he drove onward. After 26 hours of constant driving, Eugene stopped.
"Fuck this shit" Eugene thought to himself as he prepped himself for combat. The retarded children of this forsaken land made their way to his truck to browse his wares.
"I thure can't wait to buy thum eyethcreem" thought the children
"I sure can't wait to bludgeon these pieces of shit" thought Eugene
He started his engine one last time and drove into the horde of downies and one by one, they fell. He jumped from his vehicle of war and began to open fire on the local orphanage. The bloodshed and violence carried on through the night until a gnat crossed his path.
"Out the way, noob, before I kill you where you stand"
"Forsooth! Me thinks one doth protest too much! I am Claud Balls, master of this village and I challenge thee to a duel... TO THE DEATH! Out with it, boy! What say you? Do you accept?"
"I accept your challenge, insect. But how do you think a bug will win against me?"
"Behold! For I bear the mark of the mighty king Dickbutt! I grant you a sword to fight with. The sword of the high elven king!"
"Spare me your lies, fool! There are no such thing as elves! Have at it!"

The two battled violently until the crack of dawn, until one of them was victorious. Eugene won the duel, but it was not over yet. The gnat still had something to say.
"Go to your old sandwich shop, under the fridge... There is a note... Read.. It.."
The gnat lay dead on the floor before him. He stepped over dead bodies and trudged through the battlegrounds of Cooperville until he reached his destination. He kicked down the door and walked to the fridge. He got down on all fours and felt under the fridge or a note. After feeling through dead rats and dust, he found the note.