Naturally

Chapter 1

She felt the wheels of her suitcase tugging at the crooked floorboards. A sweat bead drizzling down her wrist. She came to a halt at the hundredth identical door she'd seen that day. She stared into the silver plated letters hanging by a nail on the room entrance. Twenty nine. Alongside it a tiny heart, which she assumed had been scribbled in lipstick.

Maybe she was only nervous because she'd been paired with a roommate two years above her. She'd sent in her application on the very day they'd allowed them in. But they'd said they'd had technical issues and that it had only been processed at the very last minute. Sorry, they said. Maybe this wasn't a big deal to others who came here but, to her, this was very much a foreign land.

She stared at the door knob. If it wasn't scratched and dented, it might have held her reflection. She was still. Ten minutes had passed. Her suitcase parked beside her containing her life for the next four years. Lost in a torrent of thoughts, the clanking of footsteps caught her out. They must be coming from upstairs and heading to this floor. She'd rather stop whirling in her mind and face the thunder on the other side than be caught frozen like a lemon in the corridor.

Fuck it. She gritted her teeth as she placed her hand on the icy metal and slowly turned it, reluctantly pushing the door open. Her gaze couldn't help but fall straight onto the girl lying on a mess of blankets she could only assume was a bed. Magazines strewn over the carpet. CDs, makeup brushes, pillows, clothes - there was no floor left to see. She looked back up to notice the girl blinking at her. Of course, she'd just spent her first impression like it was cheap money.

Neither of them had said a word. They say a smile says a thousand, but neither of them had come within an inch of a facial expression. Just blank looks. The pit of her stomach urged her to move and find her side of the room. Find your bed. Unpack your stuff. Do something.

The messages managed to reach her brain and she remembered to shut the door behind her. She dragged her suitcase along with her to the opposite side of the room where she found a bunk bed, a high window and a wardrobe. This felt like a hostel whereas the plastic had been swapped for oak. Simplistic and rugged, yet somehow cosy and comfortable.

She was so glad she had a moment with her back turned. She thought she'd be able to feel the girl's piercing grey eyes in the back of her head but she didn't sense any judgement in the atmosphere. She was actually feeling a little calmer, something about finally being in the room felt grounding. As she placed her suitcase on the bed, she listened intently to the silence. She gently unzipped the container of all her belongings and began to unpack. A good chance to avoid eye contact.

She dwelled on the striking image of the girl she was to share her room with. She thought she might have arrived first and made it home, then have been able to invite a nervous peer to be her friend and decorate the place together. Yet, here she was, invading someone else's space, as if she was to keep to herself and leave in the morning.

She checked in to her body and realised her hands had dried and that she felt okay. Even if the place was deadly quiet, she felt that maybe, in time, she could make a corner for herself here.

She glanced sideways at the girl, subtlety peeking through the long hair that had fallen down around her face. She was safe to take a minutes look.

She looked for details. Who was this girl. She pulled off an extra-large, over-old, far-too-worn t-shirt and made it look like fashion. She'd have looked like a lost and found in that outfit. Her eyes wandered to the girls face. She didn't think real people had silky hair. She'd never met one before. And now she had. She was a show stallion. Jet black mane lovingly conditioned.

Why did this person make her melt inside like hot honey. She hadn't stood up yet but she already felt her being a foot taller. Intimidation. The kind of person whose naturally got it all with no explanations. She was one of those. And now she had to share herself with her. Her sleep. Her habits. She would come to know them all.

She felt an internal shudder. For a moment she felt foreign to herself, like she was suddenly a lizard in her human body. She felt dry and deserted. Wrong. Nauseous.

The questions came in floods. Mostly whys. Some maybes. All uncertain. She didn't make decisions, she thought about them. All useless because she couldn't turn back from this moment. And she couldn't leave this room.

'No one told me I was getting a roommate'.

Startled out of her internal war, her eyes whipped towards the girl. The words were so soft and so casual. She hadn't thought that she might speak. The silence had felt so safe she'd become accustomed to it. As if they were to have lived in a shared peace of sorts. The girls face was still buried in between the covers. Then as she began not to say a word, the girl looked directly up at her for a moment, then shrugged. It wasn't: not my problem. No, this was: I'm sorry I didn't know, I guess we'll make this work?