Behind the Mask

Football

Louis' P.O.V.

Trigger Warning!!!

The football season was about to end and the Rovers are playing their last game today. I had intece practice the whole week along with the preperations for the show. I was busy the whole week and so incrediably stressed out that I am happy whwn the week is over with. Harry didn't even suspect anything because he knows it't the last game to determine if we are ending on third or fourth place. Harry is sometimes way to naive and I often tried to make him understand that being to gullible can be dangerous but in the weeks of the show his credulity really heped.

The team was doing their warm ups and streched or ran a few round like I did at the moment. Our warm up routine consisted of a two round run arround the field, steching and pushups and stuff simular to that. 

After my second round I finished off wit another quick stretch of my legs befor talking with the coach. Stan was by my side and we went over the strategy one more time. I played in the front middlefield and Stan was a defender. 

*

The game had started only a few minutes ago and it was obvious that the other team certainly didn't want to loose. They played sneaky and agressive and were very focused to shoot goals. Our strategy was a bit better then theirs. We blocked the goal better then them but still had enough players to start an attack.

Then someone passed me the ball and I sprinted arround the field passing it to one of the strikers that then shoot the first goal of the game. So far it looked better than we thaught. 1:0 for the Doncaster Rovers. 

The game continued pretty uneventfull after that. We could make sure that the oppontments didn't score but we didn't score either. There were a few chances on both sides but nithing happened. It felt like no time as the buzzer sounded and it was halftime. By the time I got back to changing room I realised that I was dreanched in sweat but still breathing normally.

Performence in the games like these were especialy imprortant. Not only for the zeam but also for yourself because if you play well enough you might get a chance at playing for the national team. I played both an european and world chamionchip and soon would hopefully play another european one. But it isn't that sure if it will take place this year or if they have to postpone it and do in winter or next year. In the back of my mind I know that it could be my last time playing for the nationl team.

 I'll turn thirty next year, when your birthday is Christmas Eve there isn't much of the year left, so I won't really get to play a lot longer. With good luck maybe till I'm thirty-five to thirty-seven but normaly not much longer. The prime of my career is starting to fade with age and even though I still get to play roughly maybe six and a half years I get anxious thinking about it. I don't want to end up doing comercials or being a choach. The taught of having to stop what you do, stop working your job is scary.

But I strangely didn't really mind getting older anymore. When I was young I was so affraied of growing up but I feel like since I had Freddie I saw becomeing more mature as somthing good. He was truely a blessing. Just like Harry is one aswell. He was there when my mom and sister died and got me through depression and the problems I had befor meeting him. He helped me to accept myself with all my flaws, insecureities and struggels. And I feel like I can tell him anything, well I do keep two secrets from him. The one revolving the show and some...personal issues from befor we met.

I talked about it as The Dragon. I had a dark past. My biological father leaving when I was only a newborn affected me more than I give away. I always struggeled with confidece even though aI covered it up very good. As my caree took of the stress got to me and all the hate people were posting everywehre. The type of hate thet fires at my insecurities like my build or my hight or that they think I'm gay and do not deserve the place on the team because of that. I didn't even come out as bisexual untill I dated Harry. To prove them wrong I went out so often and got drunk only to hook up with a chick. I felt disgusted with myself because I never wanted to be what I had become back then. 

 And because of all the hate, stress and poor treating by old manegers, trainers and some old teammates, that are retired by now, I started to fall into depression. And with the depression came an eating disorder and I even cut open my thighs. The scares have healed but if you'd see me in only my boxers you could still se two huge parts of scared skin. I didn't have much space so I cut in every direction on the same parts over and over again.

It started to get better after meeting Harry but my mom's death made me relapse into a much more heavy eating disorder, not like the one I had befor where I only skiped meals occasionly, I couldn't even keep my food in. Even when I tried it would come up by itself. At that point I was happy when I was able to eat at least a creaker without vomiting. I also relapsed into cutting again. One night I cut way to deep. It happened on my arm, the only time I cut there. I drove to the hospital myself and the stiched the cut that reached from my left shoulder to my elbow. Everybodey thaught I had an accident but it was me. I still have that scar and it will most likely never go away.

But then everything changed when Freddies mom decided to trust me with the child and give me full custody. She found a lovly man that had proposed to her and they wanted to start their own family without me to always but in because of the child. She thaught it was better to do it nthen because Freddie always liked me better and because she was already pregnant withthe other mans child. Freddie isn't bothered by not having a mom. Harry has been there since he was born and I felt like the kid always knew that he was supposed to raise him together wit his daddy.

I am now mentally stable and that is all because of my two lovely boys. Because of them I didn't relaps again after my sisters death and only deald with the greive that you feel by loosing someone you loved. It was a mild deperssion that I could overcome with their love, just like everything else. The death of my sister hit me hard but for the first time I felt like I could actually let my emotions go. I kept a strong face for the rest of my siblings but at home I could let go of myself and actually had someone look after me for once.

The break felt shorter then it was. I knew the strategy even though I didn't listen to the coach, I didn't have to listen. Prevent goles of the other team and try scoreing on or two more, but always staying on the safe side.  It was always the same when we are in the lead.

We got back out on the field and I was focused again. It was like a sitch in my brain, as soon as I step onto the field I am ready. No matter what I thaught of befor my mind is always clear when it comes to the game. I love that, because it makes me forget about struggles, it always has. I think that was the main reson why I decided to take the offer on a football scholarship insted of the other one I got offered. It was one for performing arts. Back in school I was in a band and the drama club. I always wrote songs and I still do it in secret. I wanted to be a singer but I guess I thaught it was easier to become a football player. My low selfcomfidence and disbelive in my voice also had to play a big role in the decision.

The game was nearly over and the score was tied at a 1:1.  The ball was passed arround and everything ended up being very frantic. I know either teams wants to win so they try to do their best to scor the final gole without having to go into extension. Then the ball was at my feet and I started to sprint twarts the goal. I am faster than every other player on this field and I am way more nimble. I outrun at least four players of the other team and get ready to shoot.

The ball is soaring through the air. I kicked it to hard I know I did and there are only a few second left on the clock. I watch as the ball is comeing down, the goalie not even bothering to do anything. But then panic rose in his face and he jumped. But it was to late. The ball already landed right behind the line and rolled into the net. I did it!

*

After celebrating with the team and giving an interview I was free to go to Harry and Freddie that had watched me the whole time. THey came running in my arms and we had a big hug.

"That goal was simply amazing. From where we were sat we could see that it would end up in the net but the goalkeeper for the others didn't and he failed stopping the Tommo!" Harry cheered excited and lifted me up. "Daddy is the best!" Freddie agreed and took my hand befor we left the stadium and went home to have a family celebration with both mine and Harry's family there.