w a r n i n g : c u r s i n g
d o m e s t i c a u
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"I think we should end this.", the doctor said, leaving the raven-haired one to be silent.
"No," he finally replied,
They were dating, have been for the past 7 months actually, and they were the perfect match. They like being around each other, they both love the same things, they were exactly what the other wished for, but the other felt like he wasn't getting enough, and it's not even about sex or affection, it's about how the other didn't open up to him, yes they shared hobbies and facts about themselves but Loki didn't tell him stories about his life, he never tells Stephen what was wrong when the doctor catches him crying. He felt like the other doesn't trust him.
They were so close, but at the same time so distant, and it hurt Stephen. Specially, when he says "I love you" to the man. Loki practically ignored him the first time, so he convinced himself that the other just didn't hear him, even for the fact that it was impossible he didn't. The second time though, the pale-skinned man winced at his words and they just acted like it never happened, and Stephen didn't end there he tried countless times, failing each time. He just wanted to hear it from the man's lips, but he never did. So, he eventually stopped saying it.
He did not talk to Loki about it though, they never talked about it, and he knew that even if he tried bringing it up, he wouldn't get answers, so he never did.
He ignored it or at least tried too, but he has had enough. This pain wouldn't end until... they end.
"-we are not."
"Why not?", he replied, his voice almost cracking.
"Because, I know that you really don't want to, and I don't want to either, so it wouldn't make any sense if we would.", Loki said, not looking him in the eye, and was standing up to leave.
"So, you're walking away from this, like always, huh?", he called out, stopping Loki on his tracks.
"What do you mean 'like always'?", he answered, turning around, "Stephen, we never even had this conversa-"
"You know what I'm talking about!", he stood up, ",whenever I ask you what's wrong you never tell me what it is, you always say that it's nothing and act like it never happened.",
Loki stayed silent.
"And it hurts me. It hurts me every fucking time Loki, because I feel like you don't trust me... that I'm not enough for you to trust me, that you feel like you have to keep secrets from me...", he finished, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Still, not a word coming out from the other's lips.
Stephen sat down, hoping for at least an answer from the other, but nothing.
They were like that for what felt like years, Stephen sitting in front of the table, while Loki was standing beside the seat in front of him, looking at him. Until,
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way.",
This time Stephen was the one who was silent.
"I'm sorry, if you felt like you weren't enough, 'cause you are more than enough, Steph... and it scared me. You're so perfect, that I was afraid to tell you about my past. I was afraid that you'll realize that you are to good for me, that you deserve someone better, and that you'll leave me" he had tears in his eyes, "Because... 'cause I love you, Stephen. I love you very much."
It was when Stephen spoke up.
"Oh, so now you're telling me you love me? Why didn't you say that all those times I basically embarrassed myself waiting for you to say those fucking words?!"
"Because, I was a coward, I still am. I thought that if I told you then... I'm weak, that you might leave me after, because I-I surrendered to you... I was afraid that it'll happen again..."
"Why would you even think of that- why would you even think of me doing that to you?"
"Those were the first times you were saying it, and I realized that you were different... but then when I was ready to say it back... y-you stopped."
Now, they were both silent. The only thing that was heard from the room were their stifled sobs, and uneven breaths.
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a/n : first time writing angst, i hope it wasn't too bad
