What I Never Knew I Deserved

Chapter 21

It had been a few days and Colby and I had decided to end the pregnancy. Our doctor had told us all about this disease and gave us research on it. Best case scenario would be the baby making it to term and would die minutes to hours later. Our baby is in pain and the thought of that killed me.

On Friday morning, Colby called the doctor and put him on speaker and told him what we had decided to do. We were sitting on the couch and Colby had the phone in his left hand and his right hand intertwined with mine. "Maddison? Are you sure this is what you want? I need to hear from you as well", the doctor said. I looked up at Colby and he nodded and bent down and kissed my forehead. "Yes. I don't want my baby to suffer", I said weakly. 

After we scheduled an appointment, we hung up and I went into the bedroom and put on one of Colby's T-Shirts and crawled into bed and went to sleep.

I woke up an hour or two later and walked into the living room and saw Colby sitting on the couch playing his game. I walked over to him and sat down on his left side and he paused his game and wrapped his left arm around me. "Can we talk?", I asked. "Of course". I took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I just... I've heard of couples going through miscarriages and having to end pregnancies and... It can tear them apart... I don't want that to happen to us", I said as I started to cry. Colby put his controller down on the coffee table and turned to me and wrapped his arms around me and I cried into his chest. "I am NOT going ANYWHERE. You hear me? I love you and I want to be with you. For better or for worse", he said. He pulled back and grabbed my left hand and pulled it up to his lips and kissed my left ring finger. "I gave you this ring because I love you. Because I want to marry you. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. When I gave you this ring, I didn't just ask you to marry me... I promised to love you unconditionally and never leave... Even when we go through a rough patch. I can't imagine my life without you. I promise, I'm not going anywhere, okay?", he said. I nodded and started crying even harder and wrapped my arms around his waist and he held me.

A little while later, we were sitting on the couch eating pizza (Well, I had a few bites and put it down) and watching TV. "Cole, have you called your parents yet?", I asked. "While you were napping.. I called your parents too", he said. I smiled weakly at him. "Thank You", I said. He bent down and gently kissed me and I laid my head on his chest.

A week later, Colby and I were at the doctor's office for our appointment. We headed inside and got checked in and were taken to an exam room in the back of the office away from the front few offices so we could have quiet. I had never been so grateful for a family who's so caring and working for a business that cares so much. They gave Colby the next 2 months off to be with me and have some alone time for just us.

I changed into the hospital gown provided and got on the exam table. I was shaking like a leaf. Colby stood in front of me and took my hands. "I know you're scared, but we're gonna be OK. I love you", he said and kissed me. "I love you too".

The doctor came in and explained the process. "Do either of you have any questions?", Colby said no and I shook my head. "Maddison, would you like anything to calm you down? Most women going through this process opt for anxiety medication.. This is an emotional process", he said. I looked at Colby as if to ask him what I should do. "I think she should have something", Colby said.

After they gave me a pill and got everything set up, we were ready to go. They induced me and the waiting began. 

A few hours later, it was time to push. 

After he was delivered, they wrapped him in a little blue blanket and handed him to me and I felt a few tears slip out and I was thankful that they had me medicated. Colby sat on the edge of the bed beside me and we both looked down at our perfect boy. 

About 10 minutes later, he stopped breathing and I broke down. The nurses came in and Colby had them take the baby and he wrapped his arms around me and held me as we both cried.

A few days later, Colby and I were home and getting ready to bury our baby. We decided to not have a funeral and just bury him.

Two weeks after we buried our son, we decided to take to social media. A nurse had taken a picture of Colby and I with the baby before he passed away, so we both posted that picture. Before we posted it, we put a blue heart emoji over his face. I posted it and captioned it: 'It is with a heavy heart that I post this.. Our baby was born premature and passed away a few minutes after this was taken. Mommy and Daddy will always love you, Daniel Allen' and Colby posted it and captioned it: 'I can't believe I'm having to announce this.. Maddison and I learned last month that our baby had Type 2 Osteogenesis Imperfecta.. A rare disease that only a small percentage of pregnancies end in. Our baby boy's bones were breaking with every move he made and we had to make the extremely hard decision to end the pregnancy. To my boy... I'll never forget you and your Mommy and I will always love you. #DanielAllen #MyBoy #MyNamesake'.

Before we knew it, October was here. Colby and I decided to move the wedding to the first Saturday in April 2018 and have an outdoor wedding. 

Over the past few months, Colby and I started therapy and were slowly starting to get better. Right now, Colby and I were both back at work and doing fairly well.

We had the wedding planned, bridesmaids dresses and my dress bought, Colby's tux rented, and everything was looking great. I had one last fitting before the big day and that was all that was left.

Colby and I started working out together and going on runs as a way to keep ourselves distracted from what we're going through and keep us busy and I've managed to get myself back down to prebaby weight and was starting to get abs.

I couldn't wait to marry the man of my dreams in just 6 months.