"Never thought Christian Yelich would turn down a party.." the guy mouths off
"Yeah, well Yelich is a different shade now." Cody say
Book 2 of 50 Shades of Yelich.
Started 04.3.20
I didn't get much sleep last night, mother and father had went to Mother grave...they went so I could go with just Christian so Lilly didn't have to see me in the state that I know I was going to be in. I didn't feel like getting to dressed up...especially no makeup because I knew I was going to cry a lot. I felt broken, more than ever. I know I lost both parents, but I have different feelings for both parents, I grieve differently I was close to my mother. She was my best friend. I looked at my outfit I wanted to look comfortable.
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Christian comes downstairs holding Lilly. I already had her breakfast ready, and coffee made for Christian. Christian put Lilly in her high-chair, putting her bowl of grits with a bowl on the tray.
Christian looks at me, and I'm trying to stay strong for Lilly and him. I don't like breaking down much, especially in front of Lilly she doesn't need to see that. Christian sits next to Lilly drinking his coffee.
I think he knew not to say anything right not, especially on how fragile I am right now. I just can't believe my mother sent me Lilly a week after her birthday...we could've have double the parties and mother would've loved sharing the spotlight with her granddaughter. Plus Cleo and Robert would be her godparents.
Mother and father came into the kitchen. Mother wiped her tears as did father. They look at me, taking my hand. I smiled softly as I held mother hand.
"We got Lilly, and you two go." Father says wiping his tears
"Paw-paw." Lilly says
we smile softly, as father goes over to her picking her up. Christian comes over taking my hand.
"I got you baby girl." he says softly
The drive there was pretty quite...I couldn't speak...he knew not to say anything right now...well I hoped..we were getting closer I could feel the air get thin...I wanted to escape..I don't need to do this..I think I've put myself through so much...shit.. the car is stopping,
"I am here when you need me." He says
I stayed in the car, I couldn't move..I don't know if I wanted to...I can't believe it was my fault.
"Baby, here I'll help you." He says
"No, Christian I'm okay." I softly say getting out of the car.
I breathed in slowly and let it out, walking to the spot. I touch the coldness of the bar....my hand was shaking...I was filled with emotions. I really didn't know how to let it out.
*flash-back*
The car laid upside down, I was holding onto the seatbelt...dad groaned slowly looking back at me. "Baby girl you okay?" He asked
"Yes daddy, I'm okay my leg hurts and my arm." I softly say
"It's okay sweetie, here daddy phone call 911." He says
Dad looked over at mommy, mommy hand was moving...she held onto dad hand. I had dropped daddy phone after the call.
"Now sweetie stay calm now." He says
I whisper okay.
"Mommy I'm sorry I didn't mean to be a distraction..." I say
Mother didn't say anything. Father looked at mother...father started to cry. "No, no, no, no honey please come back to us."
*the flashback started to fade*
"MOMMY!!!" I screamed falling to the ground crying holding onto my necklace
Christian pov;
I watched her closely, when I heard her scream I knew she needed me. I got out of the car slamming the door, running to her grabbing her. Tears fall down my face.
"Baby girl, I got you I got you." I say
"ITS MY FAULT, why couldn't it have been me." She cries loudly grabbing onto my shirt "I never got to say goodbye!!"
I held onto her "I know baby I'm sorry I'm sorry!"
"Christian it hurts so fucking bad, I need my mother back!"
"Baby, I'm sorry she can't come back but you know what you make the memory of her the greatest thing ever, our daughter will never forget her grandmother and I'll make sure..you are exactly where you are suppose to be, you have the life your mother knew you'd have...you have our beautiful daughter she loves you so damn much and you have me and my god baby girl I'll never stop loving you okay." I say
She calms down slowly. She shakes her head holding onto me. Her scream brought pain to my heart. She has been hurting so long and it fucking kills me...
A/n : I had to stop there it reminded me to much of how my nanny went..I never got to say goodbye...the last thing I said to her was I'll be back to see you and she passed away two nights later and I feel like since I didn't go back I feel like it was my fault she died.... :/
