Addiction

Your love was an addiction, a drug that had never crossed my lips before I met you. I knew it was there, but I was scared to reach out for it. No matter the benefits, I was terrified of the power it could hold over me. I expressed this to you, but you told me it was ok, that I would never get hurt, and all I needed to do was trust you.

The moment my lips touched yours, it was like my grey and colorless world exploded with color, lighting up like a still lake as the sun peaks over the mountains. You unlocked a part of me I never knew was there, filled a space I never knew was empty, and gave me a rush of delicious emotions I had only imagined I could call my own.

I never expected this feeling to hit me as hard as it did. Before, I had only gotten whiffs of your drug, like when you wrapped your arms around me, pulling me closer to you. When you whispered "I love you" in my ear. Every time temping me to get a full taste of your drug.

But I wasn't ready. Something held me back, telling me not to succumb to the temptations of your drug. I knew that once I did, I wouldn't be able to untangle myself from the bonds it would hold me in.

I wished that I had listened to that voice sometimes.

When your drug called love took hold and pulsed its way into my veins, little did I know that the lights and colors I saw was the sky as I fell into a dark hole I couldn't get out of. Little did I know that the warmth I felt wrap around me was the devilish ropes that would lull me from the happy freedom knew before.

I was in bliss, I craved for this newfound feeling like a junkie needing a fix; I couldn't get enough of it. I then understood why some people bounce in and out of relationships like they are nothing, they couldn't stand to have that special place in their hearts empty.

I didn't know how to tell you I craved for more of your drug, of the feeling you gave me, even if it was just you wrapping your arm around my waist and pulling me to your side. It made me feel wanted, needed, loved.

But I didn't know how to ask for it, scared I would cross a boundary you wouldn't like and drive you away. I was in a whole new world that I knew nothing about, petrified and lost on what to do and how to act. I looked for your knowing light to guide me, to teach me how to operate this foreign land, but eventually someone else, more experienced and with a devilish drug of their own, ensnared your loving gaze from me until the light greyed around me, soon leaving me in darkness.

As you drifted away, I became scared, confused, and broken. I guess my drug you were once addicted to wasn't strong enough.

Just like the voice in me feared, you became tired of me and had found someone better, even though you claimed I was perfect in your eyes. I guess that became a lie.

I knew you'd leave me, but I didn't think the withdrawals from your drug would be so painful. It killed me inside, but I guess I truly did love you, because still all I cared about was seeing you happy.

Your soft, deep brown eyes sparkling with emotion and life, the gentle purr of your voice when you spoke, the curl of your smile that spread across your face; one side spreading slightly higher than the other in mischief. They never ceased to make my heart skip a beat, even if they weren't meant for me anymore.

I can still feel the gap in my heart that was never there before you came into my life, ever so faintly calling out to me, making me forever crave that feeling again. I do not miss or cry over you anymore, and I cherish the lessons and moments you gave me. I do, though, wish that I had never let that feeling become unlocked inside me, I wish it had stay shut, now never being able to close it.

Still, I sadly cherish the memories and moments you gave me, helping me come to peace with my pain.

It helped me learn that everything happens for a reason.