i don't want you to think i'm just another channel.

how to be cut from reality

I'm beginning to forget things again. Simple things, small things, insignificant things, things that don't matter, won't matter, will never matter to whoever tunes in to our station. I forgot what I did last time, what I'm planning to do this time, who's still here this time, who was there last time, for so many different times.

Because they're all just times in time, repeating itself over and over.

Was I talking, or was it them? Did I eat blueberries or bleach? Is bleach even something you can eat? Don't you see it, see the sounds? You should be able to because apparently, that's something you can do now (I think).

Very, very, simple, small, insignificant things that I don't care about, so why should you?

So many people can be listening, and the thoughts spilling out of their minds could be entirely separate.

How do you connect with someone who doesn't know who you are? Every single time I look at Jonas, I show too much. He knows I do, I know he knows I do, I know he's starting to wonder, wonder if - if the constant feelings of déjà vu really matter but-

Jonas isn't here. He's never been-

He's always been-

He won't come back-

What am I talking about?

I'm sorry. It's just that all these varying times in time blur together, so it gets hard to remember which one I'm in, no matter how many times I try. See? Very, very, simple, small, insignificant things that I care about and don't know why. Can someone please tell me why?

Anyways. I'm here. In this reality that I've created for myself. That's what the ghosts told me.

Her words are ringing in my ears. I guess they're not her words. They talk through her, so her voice becomes haunting after a while. And we'll have the audacity to say we're traumatized when she was used as a slave, with no control over her own body, as if we had the right-

(I need to stop. This won't end well.)

-and it doesn't sound pleasant. Sometimes, it's just white noise in the back of my ears, which is okay. But sometimes it's more than that. Sometimes it rings, rushes through my veins like it's a part of me. The noise is so loud-

Static. Static.

Everything clears. I know where I am.

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