Existence is pain...

Cry?...

You ever just want to cry so bad, but you can't will yourself to?
You ever just cry over something so little, because it actually hurt you?
You ever just want to cry, but you can't, because you've cried all tears possible?
You ever just wanna cry because you can't tell people things?
I cry everyday, idk if i said this before, but yeah, I cry everyday. I'm not afraid to say it. Most of the time, I cry myself to sleep. I told my friend, who thought they were depressed because of quarantine, they most likely doesn't have depression, they're probably just lonely and sad. Let my just copy and paste what I think depression is. This is my definition.

"Its not the same as loneliness, which could just be what you're feeling? Just sadness mixed into the loneliness? I don't entirely know, im bad at this stuff, but I can tell you, being depressed is feeling like no one cares. Like nobody ever listens. Being depressed is like, the worst pain, that you'll never get rid of, its just very deep deep down, and it comes back up everytime you try to be happy. Everytime you get a sudden wave of happiness, that one sudden wave of depression comes over and takes the happiness away. It makes you sadder than you've ever been, I was incorrect in the beginning of this. It is loneliness, because being depressed, people tell you to "man up" or "get over it" or "it gets better" but the thing is? Is that it never gets better. Maybe in a few years? But deep deep down? Its always there, haunting you, getting ready for when it can ruin your life again... Depression is crying yourself to sleep at night, knowing barely anyone cares. Depression is a bitch..."

Thats what I typed out to them. I dont know about anybody else, but thats what it is for me. As that bitch keeps coming back when I realize I'm actually having a nice day, or I'm actually happy for once. That son of a bitch comes back and attacks my heart and my mind. As my mind is the one telling me to kill myself, and that son of a bitch is telling my mind to think too damn fucking much!
THAT SON OF A BITCH KEEPS BRINGING ME TO THE PAST!!!! That son of a bitch.. Keeps making me more mentally unstable... Keeps making me want to lose it all... Makes me want to die all the fucking time... Makes me think everyone hates me... Makes me think, th-that everyone is just in on a giant joke, that is being my friend, or loving me....

Depression is the reason I cry myself to sleep.

Depression is the reason I want to kill myself.

Depression is a total bitch.

Depression has taken over my entire life, and makes sure I can never be happy...