Running Out

Entry 1

I wish this was a magic book that gave all you first time renters and young adults all the answers and solutions you need in how to successfully rent your first place. But alas, you too have to go on this crazy journey of finding things out as you go, just as I had, and still am, doing.

Things like taxes, budgeting, bills- all the knowledge every day people use but for some reason we're never taught in school. Well, I wasn't, anyway.

I've not had the easiest start in the game of life, but it's certainly not been the hardest. I'm very lucky in a lot of ways. But I am still human, as all of us are. I get stressed out and anxious very easily, which a lot of people do. And I'm hoping that in writing these entries will help reassure a lot of us beginners that we're all in his together, figuring it out bit by bit as we go. There's no set list of guidelines, sadly, but there are tips! And self help books. This isn't one of those, but I tips is something I have a lot of! Let's do this together. Because at the end of the day, I think everyone is scared shitless no matter how old you are when you get your first place.

So let's start at the beginning. You're at that point in your life now where you have to leave the safety of your parents (or in my case my boyfriend's Mum's) home and find your very own nest. For me this has been a dream/goal since I was 16. My parents divorced at a young age and I lived with my Mum, who I had a very difficult relationship with. The basic timeline was that at 17 I began staying anywhere that wasn't my house, that being a friends, my Nan's, my Dad's (no I couldn't permanently live with him before you wonder) and various boyfriends houses. I would go to parties and drink with my buddies (it's common in the UK to drink at a younger age) up until I was 18, often not even sleeping at all some nights and basically finding any way of avoiding my own bedroom as much as I could.
Then soon after I hit 18 I got into a regrettably long term 4 year relationship with someone and lived with him and his family for a good 3 years of that relationship.
For now I'm thinking I won't go into too much detail about that part of my past, because I don't feel like it.

But I'm sure I will write about it in a different entry because as a 22 year old I enjoy going on about my past and thinking about all the bollocks I went through to remind myself of how good I've got it now. Which, trust me, is a good coping mechanism for when I start to get into a "I'm always struggling" train of thought.

That is my very first tip for you young renters. When you're sat there doing your calculations and getting so much anxiety over money you feel like your chest will twist itself apart with how tight it feels- just remember, it could be worse.

As an example, my first flat is a studio and is quite small. My bedroom and living room are all in one room with a kitchen off to the side and the bathroom off in another room. Sort of like a "U" shape. For some, that would be too small and be uncomfortable or they may feel it claustrophobic or not enough. That thought does cross my mind from time to time and I do find myself looking forward to my future forever home with my own garden and my own dog. However, the fact I've never had to fully run a home before or pay my own bills, I thought it being small was the right way to start. For a lot of people, they don't even have a roof over their head.

In fact I love my tiny flat. It has a skylight and a view of a graveyard across from us and my very own kitchen where I don't have to clean up after inconsiderate people which I spent a good portion of my past doing.

Some might think "Woah, a graveyard that has a creepy church that leaves it's lights on at night right outside my window? That's too spooky for me." But there's something about the way the light glints off of the marble tombstones when the sun is setting that makes it seem very whimsical, soft and peaceful. Although I've only been here in the spring and summer, so I might feel differently when it's darker and rainier out in the winter.

That's my next tip. It's all about what suits you, and what you like. When I hit 20 I suddenly became internally competitive with all of my friends, comparing who was succeeding more than who and who was winning at the game of life. I compared myself to my friends who were going to University and who were in successful relationships and who got their own flats before me. But the reality of it is, everyone does in fact go at their own pace and that's okay, okay? Good.

I had to remind myself that whilst the people were away at Uni learning and building their careers I had different circumstances. Which applies to everyone, we all have our stuff. For me I didn't have the most supportive parents who reminded me to do my homework, or push me to stick out college or try and convince me to go to Uni. My dear Grandad was also very unwell with cancer and my boyfriend at the time was an anger issue filled angsty teenager in a 20 year olds body. All of this pooled into a mix of feeling unmotivated and uncaring where my life was heading and just a general feeling of nothingness. And at the time, I was comfortable in that path of unknowing. I was perfectly happy being a barista oblivious that time did in fact tick on and I now find myself as a 22 year old who actually does want a degree.

But it was more important for me to create that safe space for myself first. I mean, I still don't have a plan- but I have motivation. And I'm more wise, I'd like to think. And I also have steps. Step 1: get a flat. Step 2: work full time. Step 3: do a part time online English Literature Degree. Step 4: enjoy relationship with my best friend. All of these steps are in no particular order, but when it comes to the game of life, there is no right order for anything. Everyone does everything at their own pace, we're all still young, there's enough time. We have enough time.