Paper Houses

12:05 PM

Eve watched her before turning to me, "We've been here for several hours and I think most of it's done. We'll break for an hour lunch and return with clearer heads, okay?" I nodded.

I turned to the door and made my way out, following behind Vada down the hallway to the elevator. We both stood there while we waited. I stood slightly behind her and watched as her body remained fairly stiff.

The ding of the elevator announced it's arrival. Vada stepped forward onto it and turned to face me. I wasn't sure if I should get on or wait. But then I decided I didn't have to wait. She didn't own the damn thing.

We stood on opposite sides as the elevator doors closed and we began our descent. I heard her sigh and looked over to see her rubbing her eyes, a thing she did when she was trying not to get upset.  I instinctively reached out for her. Her head bolted upright when I touched her arm.

"Don't touch me," she hissed.

"Vada, come on. You're upset, I know you are. Don't forget I'm the one who knows you better than anyone else does."

"No, Niall, you used to know me."

"I don't want this," I said, looking at her, my eyes pleading with her. "C'mon, Vada, I don't think you do, either. I just can't believe that you don't love me."

"Well, I don't. Not anymore. So give it up, Niall. This divorce is happening whether you like it or not."

"So I get zero say in this? You get to just destroy my life?"

"I'm not destroying your life, Niall. I'm saving it. As I'm saving mine."

"What the hell does that even mean?"

But, before she could answer the elevator suddenly came to a screeching halt, jolting us both off our feet and her into me. The lights flickered and then there was silence.

Without getting up, we both looked at the ceiling. And then at the doors.  Nothing was moving.  Everything was silent.

On instinct, I cupped her face in my hands and looked at her, "Are you okay?" I asked.

The simple, loving gesture I always gave her spurred her into action and she quickly got up. Dusting herself off, she answered, "I'm fine."  She paused a moment.  "Are you?"

"Yeah, I think so." I said, getting to my feet.  "What was that?"

"I think the damn thing just broke." She started pushing buttons but nothing lit up. "Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me with this."

I watched as she hit every button on the elevator and then my own panic began to seep in. "No, no, no, no, no, no," I said as I moved her out of the way and proceeded to hit every button as if I hadn't just watched her do it. "Fuck, no, no, no, no."

"Niall, calm down."

"Calm down?! You know I'm claustrophobic, Vada!"

"Exactly, which means you need to calm down."

"You also know it's not that easy! Jesus Christ, have you literally wiped your fucking memory when it comes to me?!"

I started to hyperventilate, the small little bit of space we had began to spin around me. Without so much as batting an eyelid, she pushed me against the wall and then pushed down on my shoulders to get me to sit. She sat down in front of me and pressed the palms of her hands against my temples. She rubbed her palms there for a minute before lacing her fingers around the back of my head, massaging slowly, steadily into the back of my head while her palms continued to massage my temple.

"And, ten, nine, eight..."

I joined her, "...seven, six, five, four, three, two, one." I took a deep breath and held it for a moment before slowly and shakily exhaling. I felt her warm breath as she exhaled with me. I concentrated on everything she did, knowing exactly what she was doing.

"Eyes closed. Focus on one thing at a time." She spoke softly so as to not jolt me back into a panicked state. "Feel my hands, feel my fingers." She rubbed them further into the back of my skull. "Listen to my voice. It's the only sound you hear." How could she be so sweet to me right now? "Breathe in." I took in a deep breath through my nose and the scent of her perfume filled my nostrils. "Now exhale." I did as she said. "Lick your lips, taste the saltiness of your skin." I licked my chapped lips. She used to kiss me to get me to taste. Now it was this. "And, now slowly open your eyes and focus on what is straight in front of you."

A took a few more deep breaths. I could feel her body so close to mine; a closeness I hadn't felt in some time; a closeness I missed. I didn't want to open my eyes this time because I knew she wouldn't be where she usually was. I used to see her beautiful, softly smiling face; her eyes as concentrated as mine staring right back at me. This was how she always grounded me during a panic attack. Now, I didn't know what I would see when I opened them but I knew it wouldn't be her. I took one last deep breath and opened my eyes. I saw a portion of her arm and the other side of the elevator. I almost let out a cry, knowing this would most likely be the very last time she would be this close and yet I couldn't even concentrate on her face.

She loosened her grip around my head and moved slowly out of my reach. She scooted across to the other side of the elevator and sat in front of me. Although, she wasn't within reach, at least she knew I would need to focus on her and not that wall. I kept my gaze on her, as she looked at me, a bit of concern on her face. Did she still care? Was this her showing me she still cared?

I closed my eyes, again, deeply inhaling her perfume that wafted through the air and exhaled as I opened my eyes again. She was still there, but the look on her face had changed.