lost all hope

1.

louis pov

I rolled over in my bed hitting the snooze button on my alarm and stared at the ceiling. I had no thoughts, I felt broken. Who knows what today will hold.

I finally got up after I had snoozed my alarm three more times. I showered, brushed my teeth, put on skinny jeans and a hoodie. It's the same shit everyday.

I walked into my kitchen, grabbing a red bull and taking a sip before slipping on my vans.

It's my first day back today, I worked at Starbucks, nothing special. I had 2 weeks off due to a suicide attempt. I sighed remembering the day it happened. Everyone was so angry but I still didn't care.

If they had actually cared they would've been there for me. After the second day I didn't get a text from anyone, only my buddy Niall who I work with.

He's the only reason I didn't try again, he stayed with me the first night and held me, well I held him while he cried and I sat there numb.

He works at Starbucks with me, only 1 day a week to make some pocket change and to "not remember where he came from". He's a singer, a very talented one at that. He gets around 500,000 streams Spotify a month, which isn't an insane amount but to me it was.

I always wanted to sing, but with my body, my face, and my scratchy voice, it would never happened.

I sighed again walking down the stairs of my apartment complex. As I got to the door I watched the bus pull away.

"fuck! Fuck this shit fuck everything" I yelled tears welling up in my eyes.

I opened the door and stuffed my hands in my pockets. It was raining too. I looked up at the sky with my eyes squinted.

"fuck you world" I mumbled under my breath and started my walk.

It was 1.5 miles to my work, not to bad on a bus but it was gonna take me forever walking. I ran my fingers through my damp hair before pulling my phone out of my pocket.

My phone was wet, why wouldn't it be? My dumb ass touched my wet hair before I grabbed it, god I'm such an idiot.

I opened nialls contact and called him.

"hey niall buddy, do you work today?" I asked hopeful

"aye Lou uh no I don't I actually have an interview for the local radio station ! They're gonna play slow hands and then have me talk about it gosh I'm so excited!" he beamed into the phone.

I sighed and let a small smile creep over my mouth, "proud of you ni, good luck"

"Why'd you call mate? You need anything" he was chewing on something, probably food. Or gum.

"Nah I'm okay" I hung up quickly not wanting to bother him.

and so my 20 minute walk begun.

••••••••

I finally arrived, it had stopped raining but my shoes and socks were soaking wet.

I stepped in and let the aroma of coffee overwhelm me. This was the only place I felt alive, I got to make people smile, I would fake mine but seeing them genuinely laugh and smile made me feel a little.

I clocked in and put on my headset, stepping into the drive thru.

"hey James" I said softly waving at the boy standing across me.

he waved smiling "hey Lou you're back!"

James was very gay, not in a bad way, I'm gay too, but he made it very prevalent to everyone he met.

"Guess who we get to meet today? Harry fucking styles, holy shit I'm so excited ! Apparently he has a new partnership with Starbucks for some reason so he's coming in here today to take some photos and try our new coffees. Maybe it's a Gucci thing, I have no idea and I don't care, I'm gonna make this man fall in love with me" he rambled forever about stuff I didn't really care about.

Harry styles was a good artist, he was nialls idol, I didn't care too much for him. I knew his songs sign of the times and watermelon sugar but thats about it.

After about 10 minutes I couldn't handles James' constant blabbing about Harry Styles so I stepped outside to the back to have a cigarette. I sighed leaning against the wall lighting it and taking a long drag before closing my eyes.

"Why do I even work at this lousy place" I said to myself opening my eyes and looking up to the sky. "I'm sorry mum, for everything I've done, I wanna make you proud and I will." a tear started to fall but before I could wipe it away I was pulled out of the way.

"what the bloody hell do you think you're doing" I shouted to the large man who had me by my shoulder. 

"you work here?' he asked plainly taking off his sunglasses.

"yes!" I shouted again, who the hell was this guy, shit was I gonna die? hopefully.

"just making sure." he let go of, "harry has arrived and wanted to make sure no fans were trying to get to him, he's not very in the mood for that"

I rolled my eyes, "wow a poster who doesn't like his fans thats new" I mumbled taking another drag of my cigarette and blowing the smoke out. Before I could put it back in my mouth someone snatched it from me.

"god fuck if you people keep this up I might just try again, you better pay me back for that" I spat out at a different tall gentlemen who was standing in front of me.

"well, you have quite the attitude" he spoke, his voice was low and raspy and he was wearing a black and white striped button up. 

"let me guess you're Henry styles huh?" I mocked his deep accent causing him to chuckle slightly.

"harry but otherwise, you would be correct, and judging by your name tag I'm assuming you are" he bent down and held my name tag between his fingers, causing me to swallow my spit, "Louis? nice to meet you, ya know these things will kill ya?" he said dropping it and stepping on it.

"what the hell do you think you're doing styles? you think you can disrespect my property just because you're famous?" 

he laughed, "I can do what I want sweet heart" he whispered into my ear walking into the store.

what a fucking prick.

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alright well theres chapter 1. I'm getting back into writing so I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'm gonna work on chapter 2 here soon. 

what do you think Louis' dream is?