A Journey Through Hell -Radiodust- (Hazbin Hotel)

~♡ RadioDust Week ♡~

A/N: I didn't do RadioDust week so here's me making up for it on the last day! XD btw this is an au, not related to the story in anyway. Chapter 2 should be out later today

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Angel hummed softly as he cleaned around the kitchen, fluffing his hair when he got a look at his reflection. He wasn't the same after the miscarriage, it was something nearly impossible to get over. After realizing him and Alastor had lost all chances of having kids again- Angel at high risk- the spider refused to believe he could truly be happy. Al always did his best to help his husband get over the trauma, but he was always a step behind. It had now been 5 months since it had happened.

The spider began to clean out their room, cleaning the only thing that distracted him. He was supposed to be on maternity leave, but his work had given him more time to calm down from the incident. Alastor was at work, leaving Angel to deal with his panic attacks on his own.

So many things reminded him of the baby, losing her at only 2 1/2 months. Angel had always wanted to name his daughter something unique like Ati or Aster, Alastor wanting something Creole like Adelaida, or Adela. Both could agree their daughter would have an 'A' name to not break the chain. Angel was completely convinced it was a girl, even if they never got to know the gender. He had gotten rid of most of his pink clothing, claiming it was too much of a reminder.

For so long, he felt like his body had failed him. Though he was a male living, he was given incredibly feminine attributes in Hell as punishment from God, allowing him to get pregnant. Which was incredibly surprising for him and Alastor both. The spider thought he was a disgrace, a failure as a father/mother. If he couldn't protect his child and keep them from dying, what kind of parent would he be?

While cleaning his closet, a box fell from the top shelf. Angel, being curious bend down and took a peek inside. I side the box were a few things Alastor had bought for the baby. Seeing as the Creole man wasn't too good with babies, he bought a bunch of pacifiers after finding out about them. Angel found that hilarious and adorable.

What really shocked him was the beanie inside the box. It was so tiny..so innocent.  Angel had got it when he surprised Alastor with the news. It was Father's Day, and Al had believed Angel was joking by getting him a gift seeing as he called him "deer daddy" constantly. However, he had figured it out and was ecstatic to find out he was going to be a father.

Angel began to panic, the world around him becoming nothing but painful memories from the past. His breathing became heavy, the same stress that had killed his baby killing his mind. It was mental suicide, every painful memory like cut closer to death. He could see the blood, smell it,  hear the doctor's words chiming again and again through his mind. It couldn't, it wouldn't stop. As if he were reliving the experience all over again.

"Angel? Angel, darling are you alright? Angel!"

He felt arms around him, his body moving back and forth, but all he could see was the sad expression on his child's face. A pale skinned deer demon with pink fluffy ears and hair, beautiful scarlet eyes looking sadly at him. Those eyes giving such a broken look, as if to say "You did this to me"

"I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry baby!! I wish I coulda been the mommy or fuckin daddy ya needed! I failed ya.. I-"

"Angel you're having an episode, take a deep breath! It isn't real, dear please calm down!"

Angel was shaking, his skin ice cold at the touch, but he made it through. He looked into his husband's eyes, breating heavily as the deer wrapped his arms around him. The spider sobbed into the other's embrace, holding him tightly.

"I..I'm s...so..r.."

"Shhh..Angel, Angel darling it is not your fault. You were so stressed.. I should have t..taken better care of you,"

And then, Angel could see it. He could see the pain he had brought Alastor over the last 5 months. Angel had never realized how much this must have been hurting him too, and he had been too selfish and pained to see that Alastor was breaking.

"A..Al, baby, I'm so sorry.. don't say that.. we-we couldn't have stopped it..right?"

Alastor looked up from the floor to his spider, nodding slightly with a small smile. Angel pulled him into another embrace, both of them sobbing on the floor as Angel continued to hold the beanie.

"W..we can always adopt, right?" The spider asked softly.

The Radio Demon nodded, kissing his husband's forehead. "Indeed. We're not broken, we just need to heal, alright?"

"Y..yea.. we're still a family." He smiled back at his deer, cupping hid face as he kissed him, tears streaming down his face. Alastor kissed back, holding his Angel close.

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A/N: Short but idk qwq

~Zee