Bennie

It's All My Fault

At the very moment I finished my breakfast, Mama briskly walked in without saying a word. She went right over to my closet that the two new bags were leaning against. She put on the large backpack, and grabbed the big travel bag by the handle then looked up at me. "Time to go, Ben. Go put on your backpack and get your other bag. The tone in her voice startled me a bit. It didn't sound angry or even sad. It sounds like she has a lot on her mind and is worried or panicked about something. While I'm starting to get worried again, I walk over to wear she is and grab my things. She motions for me to follow her out the door, as soon as we're both out she gently closes the door behind us. As we walk to the front door our footsteps are the only things can be heard throughout our quiet and dark home. I watch as she raises her hand and wraps it around the doorknob. I wait for her to turn it but she just stood there frozen, hesitant for reason unknown to me. She leans towards the door and looks through the small peephole out unto the lawn and houses across the street. She stands there for what feels like forever, then flinches backwards, startling me. She turns to face me, and despite it being dark I know she has fear written all over her face. 

"What's wrong Mama?" She stares at me for a moment then shakes her head, as to bring herself back to reality. She turns to look through the peephole one last time, then looks away a lot more calm than before. Her gaze quickly turns to me.

"Nothing's wrong Buggie", she says in almost a whisper. "Mommy just remembered that since we're going on an adventure we should take the family car instead!" A sudden tinge of enthusiasm can be heard in her voice, while still being fairly quiet. This lifts my spirits slightly but I'm still a bit confused. How come she's acting like this so suddenly, when she seemed so scared just a second ago? I decide to just ignore it (I could just be overthinking again). She motions to the garage door with a nod of her head, and I follow close behind silently.

She unlocks and opens the back door swiftly, placing a hand on my back to usher me outside. I place my travel suitcase out first then walk out onto the dark clear floor. I hear a *click* and the headlights to the family car light up. I turn to see mom holding the car keys. She gives me a smile, which I assume is her signal for me to go to the car. I drag my travel bag to the car and open the back door. I push the retractable handle down into the bag and lift it up into the car. I take off my backpack and do the same, closing the door afterwards. As I open the door to get in on the passenger side I see Mama mid-opening the door to the driver's side. She gives me a quick smile, as I pile into the car and she briefly sits down to put the key in the ignition. She briefly gets out the car to put the other travel suitcase in the back with my things, then hops back into her seat and shuts the door.  We both put on our seat belts as she presses this button that's clipped to the sun shade. The sound of the garage door springing to life makes me jump, and moms starts to slowly inch out the garage. 

 Once we're fully out in the driveway, right next to Mommy's work car. She reaches once again to the button on the sun shade to close the garage door once again. As she does this she keeps looking out her window and at her rear view mirror repeatedly until it's fully closed. With shaking hands, she continues to reverse out of the driveway, frantically checking her surrounding. She's be acting strange since she brought in the suit cases. I have this feeling in my tummy I just can't shake; I'm starting to feel a bit scared. I stare out my window to try and get my mind off things when the car jerks to a stop. I face mom to see her eyes locked on the review mirror. Still looking at her mirror she puts the car in drive, and and makes a sharp turn to the right, towards the exit of our neighborhood. She's driving incredibly fast, so much so that I had to hold onto the safety handle on roof of the car. I turn my attention back towards her face. She looks like her mind is busy, and she seems terrified yet still kind of calm. Her eyes kept shifting from the road to the rear view mirror. I wanted to look behind but I'm too scared. The car starts to slow as we approach the exit of our neighborhood, before making a right and blending in with the other cars on the road. Since Mama's finally driving at a tolerable speed, I let go of the handle, and ease into my seat, trying to calm down. 

After about 10 minutes, I've completely calmed down, and notice that my face is damp. I bring down the sunshade and see my tear-stained face illuminated by the small light alongside the mirror. I wipe it away, attempt to dry my eyes with the bottom of my shirt, then close the shade. Suddenly mt heart skips a beat and I realize how worried Mama might be. I look to see if she looks troubled or scared, but she's just looking straight forward. Her eyes are locked on the road, and she's completely still, as if she's in a trance.  I feel a sense of relief as well as a little hurt that she didn't notice. I don't like this adventure. So far it's made Mama cry, and act strange, and drive so fast it made me cry. Adventures are supposed to be fun, but I'm not having fun. I wanna go home.

"Mama", I say, but she doesn't respond, or even flinch to the sound of my voice. "Mama!", I say even louder. She snaps out of her daze turns to look at me for a second then back to the road.

"Yes Buggie? Are you okay? Is something wrong?" Surprisingly, she sounds relatively calm, and even a little concerned about me.

"Mama, I don't like this adventure, I wanna go home." As we approach the long line of traffic the car comes to a stop. Mama turns to look at me and says nothing. Now that the sun's starting to wake up, turning the sky into a dark blue, I can see Mama's face more clearly. Her face looks damp, and her eyes look watery. Mama looks as scared as I was. I don't she's enjoying this adventure either, and it's my fault we're on this adventure anyway. I feel tears starting to well up in my tears again. In seconds the tears start running down my face.

"Buggie? Hey, Buggie?! Ben! Bennie! It's okay Bug, everything's okay Bennie", she says while she brings her hands to my face, wiping away my tears with the bottom of her long sleeve. I try to get a hold of myself but the tears won't stop. It's because of me that Mama started acting strange. It's because of me Mama started driving fast. It's because of me Mama got scared. And it's because of me Mama wanted to go on an adventure in the first place.  

"I'm sorry, Mama. I really, really sorry." Mama's eyes widen.

"Nonononono, no Buggie. You don't have to be sorry about anything", Mama says frantically trying to make me feel better.

"No, it's all my fault...the driving fast..making Mama cry...the adventure, all of it. It's all my fault." I know I don;t make any sense but it's that I'm able to say between sobs. "Adventures are supposed to be fun, but we're not having fun Mama. I'm sorry Mama." Mama looks at me with tears welling up in her eyes.

"Bennie..." Before she can finish her sentence we hear a loud honk from the car behind us. We look ahead and see that traffic is starting to move up. Mama immediately settles back into her seat, hands on the wheel, as the car catches up with the rest of traffic. I slump into my seat with my head looking down and my hands in my lap. The tears have for the most part come to a stop, and the remaining few trickle onto the backs of my hands. Me and Mama sit in silence for the rest of traffic. Without picking up my head to look at her, I feel her daze in my direction. Even if she doesn't want to admit it, I know it's all my fault. I'm sorry I ruined the adventure Mama.

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Author's Note:

I hope you enjoyed the second chapter. I know the story might be going a bit slow, but I wanted to try building a bit before the story really starts to take off. Things get a lot more interesting in the next chapter so stay tuned! Thanks for reading this far if you have<3.