Another Katsudeku Story

eight.

izuku midoriya

*

(abuse and extreme homophobia trigger warning)

"It's tomorrow! It's tomorrow!" I cheer happily.

"We are in a library, Midoriya," Shoucchan reminds me, poking at my arm.

I laugh as I poke him back with the end of my pen. Todoroki and I have been spending every day in the library's back room during breaks, thanks to Jake-san. Still we somehow never caught K. Jake-san says that he usually comes after school or during class. Call me cheesy all you want, but I think it's more fun this way, like some sappy romance movie.

I trace over each letter in every single note that you have left me. I imagine that you smile when you write each one, just like I do. That you laugh at my dumb jokes the way I laugh at the ego you pretend to hold. I hope that every letter is crafted in your hands with care. The red ink decorating the papers like artwork, and you are the artist. Maybe, I can call myself the muse. I am probably leading myself on, they're just silly little notes. Why do they mean so much to a silly boy like me?

I can't tell you that you aren't the highlight of my day everyday. I would be lying if I wasn't counting down the minutes until I get to meet you, K. I might not know exactly who you are but I know you have a kind heart. Despite the sharp letters in your handwriting, I know that you are fragile and you are misunderstood. You seem just as trapped as I am. I may not free you but I can stand by your side until you learn how to free yourself. I will hold your hand through every step if you need it. Even if it is not love, to have a friend like you, I know I will be happy.

"Come on, Izu. No more daydreaming, we have one more class," Todoroki gets up, waiting for me at the door of the room.

I snap out of my daze and shoot up from my chair. As the wood makes contact to the floor and I jump in surprise, it sounds too familiar. It reminds me of Dad but I will never say that out loud, so I laugh then smile, knowing that my insides are tying itself into knots. It feels like something isn't right but I can't put my finger on it. Dad isn't even home. He's going on a business trip for the weekend conveniently. 

I shake those thoughts out of my mind as we make our way to the final class of the day. As we walk into the class, I notice that the board has 'STUDY PERIOD' written across it. I let out a breath of relief and we quietly go to our desks. The class is louder than usual, it's all chatter about the dance. I try to tune it out but it's too loud for even me to ignore it. I decide that I would put my head down instead, nearly everyone hates me in this class anyway.

"So Bakugou, why are you going to the dance now? Uraraka convince you to wear some matching costume?" Kirishima teases, "Thought you were too manly for a silly costume party."

"Fuck no, I don't have to explain shit to any of you."

Mina laughs with the rest of his friends, "Just admit you're in love and go."

I hear a quiet 'tch', "Love? I don't know what that word even is."

Well, aren't you edgy?

Well, it's not like I knew what love was either. The closest things I had to being in love was with the little boy that read my favorite book to me when I was in the hospital or with Kacchan. But who am I kidding, Kacchan would kill me if I ever got an inch too close to him and I never got to see the little boy in the hospital because of the bandages. But, I like to think that love is warm and comforting. I like to think that one day I would find someone that would look at me and think that I am enough. I hope love is something that won't hurt me all the time. I hope that love will help me escape everything wrong in life. But, I don't think a person like me is capable of being loved.