Looking Far Ahead

He was standing on the edge of the fourth floor of the Malwiya where he could see all Samarra city. Palm trees everywhere, filling the place like green candles on a birthday cake. The air smelled like dust mixed with pistachios. He looked further down to where Pasha Ali was baking his Baklava excitedly. He wished he could share his happiness. He was such a hopeful man, always ready to serve people and share his sweets with them. Somehow when he serves people his sweets, it makes them so happy as if he gave them Dijlah's pearls instead of Kelecha.

The wind was hard that summer day. It swayed Elias from left to right, testing him, seeing what he's made off. "I don't care if you think I am nothing, I've heard worst from the one I love" He yelled to the wind, why did she leave him? He always reached out to her regardless of anything. The wind hit him harder, as if it can hear him. He laughed to himself for no reason. He was losing his mind. He remembered an Iraqi saying, "The worst dilemma is the one that makes you laugh". And that's what he was doing, laughing at his problems like they were one of his father's jokes.

Pasha Ali was never the type to care about what people had to say about his generosity. Some saw him as a stupid old man because he used to go around town distributing his sweets. They criticized him for being "too nice" because his kindness was given to everyone regardless of anything. It didn't matter to him who was taking his sweets, what mattered to him is that he was giving. Everyone tend to have some form of art to show people and Pasha Ali's was his deserts mixed with the aroma of kindness. Elias wondered what his art was. Was it just getting Baklava to his Baba every day? Or was it loving the people that didn't have a place for him in their lives? It doesn't matter anymore, he's shitless now. He looked down, daring gravity to pull him down. He's testing all earth's elements to kill him but all are refraining from being murderers, if his Mama was here, she would say "No earth element wants to kill you because you're not meant to die today" with a sharp smile on her face, eyebrows up and index finger sharply pointed to him. Sometimes, he wondered if that finger is what will kill him one day. The memory of his mother brought tears to his eyes, made him smile sadly. She always knew when he was sad, when he was hiding something or lying. He wondered if she'll ever forgive him for being an imbecile, since that's what she called him when he acted thoughtlessly like he was doing now. His mother's memory made him rethink if his death day was today. That reminded him of his Baba. He had diabetes but still ate Baklava everyday like he was healthy as hell. He got the index finger far more than Elias did. His Baba used to say "how long am I gonna live anyway, I am just gonna eatt and leave the rrest to God! Besides, that fingerr of yourrs makes you way more roxy then you actually are". His Baba always winked to his Mama like it was an inside joke or something since he never got the hidden meaning. Elias never knew what it was about his Baba that his Mama loved so much. He never did so much around the house, he barely went to his metal shop, always send Elias to get his sweets and yet his Mama kept him around like he was her trophy, never used for anything, just looked at as a memory of an accomplishment. He wondered what his Mama accomplished to win his Baba. Maybe he won't live long enough to discover that since he was starting to get dizzy on top of the Malwiya.

His feet bare, he felt the ground below him rough and hot. The Iraqi sun that day was merciless, bending on burning him alive. He wanted to tell the sun to relax, he'll spare it that sin and carry it himself for the rest of eternity.

He looked at his house from far for the last time, sending apologies to his mother and the smell of Baklava to his father and averted his eyes down to give in to whatever awaited him beyond this day. That's when he saw her. Her abaya as dark as Samaraa starless nights. Her face white and clear as gaymar. He would recognize her even if she was between millions or as far from him as she was now. "Laia" he called her name as loud as he could and that's when he felt himself falling. Reaching for her like he always did, yet so far away from her. Everything was blurry. There was so much fog around him. It was getting dark and very scary that he was forced to let go.

He woke up with his hands on his heart. It was almost sunrise, he opened the window and inhaled deeply, letting the dawn breeze enter his lungs and calm his heart. "Just a dream" he kept repeating. Laia was only going to Baghdad to study, she won't leave him. He remembers they're conversation from two weeks ago when Laia met him behind her mother's bakery and said "I got the acceptance from the University of Baghdad! I am so excited; I am going to be a pharmacist!". Her face was full of hope and happiness that made Elias's heart ache. He wished he was the source of that joy. She's going to leave him for a better life. He heard his father saying that Baghdad is number one in education and luxurious life. He felt like he was dying, that's why he kept dreaming of death so much. He replied aggressively "But what about our marriage, we're getting married in the winter! are you leaving me?". He could hear the desperation in his own voice. What if she leaves him for a better guy? Since all he was is an apprentice in his father's shop.

She looked at him and suddenly, all the joy that was spread on her beautiful feature was stripped away, like plucking the pedals off a flower. He hated himself for it. Her voice lost all excitement and was laced with sadness and disappointment when she said, "Of course I won't leave you, we're engaged, I have the ring you made me on my finger, everyone there will know that I am taken by a handsome man. Baghdad's lights and busy nights won't change me"

He looked down, stared at his hands and the ring he made himself from the shops metal and said; "Yeah you say that now but once you see what Baghdadi man will give you, you'll forget about us". She looked at him with nothing but assurance in her eyes, held his hands closer to her heart and said fiercely "I'd rather die than do that to us Elias".

Seeing Laia's strength has reminded of his mother when she said, "if you want to know if she's yours, then let her go". His eyes staring down into his soulmates, his hands holding hers like they never did before and with his mother's words, he let her go.

With the memory of Laia's eyes and his mother's voice ringing in his ears, he closed the window and went to sleep.