Fighting For A Heart

Chapter 4

That night I dreamed of him again, of the second ball, the first time I thought something about him was off.

I remembered faking illness to get myself out of needlepoint in the queen's parlour, then spending the entire day practicing the steps he had taught me, Jemima there to correct my mistakes. The buzz inside my stomach was indescribable as I was swept up with all the other debutantes onto the dancefloor. I remembered patiently waiting as he descended the steps, holding out the edge of my green dress so he could see the peacock embroidery on it. He didn't notice.

We danced, but he was so stiff. Then he threw me away to his brother, who bombarded me with questions at every turn. Then, finally, I found myself deserted by the edge of the room. Angel waltzed past on many occasions, sneering at me incessantly. Cecily had come and stood with me for hours until Gavrila reappeared, taking me back for the last waltz. I had apologised to him and he had kissed my head and told me it was his fault. But something had been different with him ever since.

There seemed to be no way I would sleep tonight. Instead, I slipped on the worn leather leggings I had traveled home from Baracosia in, riding into the house at three in the morning on a stolen palace horse. They still smelt like Marigold, actually, as I pulled them up underneath my nightdress, before swapping that for one of Papa's old shirts and my flexible corset. I took out my hair, my fingers already starting to tangle it again as I unweaved it from its constraints.

The night air felt cool on my skin. I rolled up the sleeves to feel more of it against the fine hairs of my arms. Through the dark, I worked my way out into the herb garden, placing my bare feet - as I often had - into the twists of the fig tree.

Growing up, this was Nick's castle, his Fort. I was too little to climb up on my own, so instead he'd just bombard me with berries from the other side of the wall. Now that foreigners were living in the house, I held up the fort for my brother.

Tentatively, I found footholds in the branches such that I could lay back in the tree and watch the cloudy, velvet sky.

"Still awake, miss?" A voice cut through the night, startling me so much that I nearly lost my footing.

I grappled with branches and leaves until I could sit up, squinting through the dark to find the source of the country accent. "Who's there?" I asked, giving up.

"Grey, m'lady. I'm down by the bench."

My eyes found him quickly now they knew where to look. "Oh. Good evening, how can I help you?" I tried to sit more comfortably again, but then decided not to risk it, laying back still.

"Would you like a hand down, m'lady?" Grey asked patiently.

"I really am fine. What do you need, Grey?"

"We need you to lead us." He shielded his eyes from the moonlight as he looked up at me, wearing a more relaxed version of his uniform. "We know how we want to do things, but we respect your position and your opinions, so we want your help. This is a battle, m'lady, and we want you to be our bannerman. Banner woman. You get my point."

I shook my head to clear it, although that didn't work. "I-I'm not a leader, Grey. I'm just a girl," If I was anything like a leader, I might've been brave enough to take Gavrila's ring and save us all from this mess.

The butler stood up on the bench so he could see me better. "All the staff seem to think you'd do a right fine job. What else'll you do if you're just sitting round the house all day?"

"I'm still mourning my losses, Grey," I said quietly, harshness beginning to slip into my voice.

"Alright. But you shouldn't be living in the past forever. You might doubt your ability to lead, but we all know that you're the only one who can get us our farms back. Heck, half of us are sold that you'll be the queen one day."

I rolled my eyes. "That's because half of you were here for the horror show that was my time with the prince. And all of you know that I'm still in love with him," I made to roll my eyes again, but a word from Grey stopped me.

"No." He said simply. "Half of the staff watched you grow up. That's how they know that we'd be wise to chuck out that Roi Thomas, chuck out Prince Gavrila, welcome Queen Evangeline to the throne, reigning free and solo."

That made me smile deeply, humbled by their little fantasy. Awkwardly, I climbed out of Nick's tree, landing with a painful thump to my backside. Grey gave me a hand up.

"Queen Evangeline sounds awful." I pointed out, the rhyme in it very much not working.

The butler started leading me back to the house. "It sounds a heck of a lot better than King Gavrila. We've worked it out so one of us staff members will be on call at all times when you're staying hidden up in your room. You need someone to talk to, play cards with, just call and someone'll turn up."

Again I smiled, this time feeling guilty. "You're all so good to me, Grey. I couldn't thank you enough for understanding."

He shrugged. "We know who to respect, and we know how to demonstrate our loyalties appropriately. Now, m'lady, you should go and get some sleep. Lady de Balivan called up a whole host of silk merchants and all the cooks for a consultation tomorrow, so you'd best be awake enough to manage them."

As improper as it was, I threw my arms around him, whispering a quick thank you, before darting into the house and up to my room.