Anguish & Affection

Part 10

"The lady refused her meal, Sir," the attendant reported. Atharv gave a despondent sigh and shook his head in disbelief. "Why?"

The Head of Staff spoke up, "Without giving a reason, she refused to eat even when we offered to prepare whatever she desired. She hasn't eaten anything in almost twenty-four hours, Sir. This is not good for her health," hoping he wasn't overstepping his bounds with his words.

Her boss seemed agitated about the woman he claimed was his wife, and everyone had witnessed the altercation in the morning. Nevertheless, she felt an overwhelming sense of concern for the distressed lady.

Atharv looked over his laptop with a scowl on his face and said, "I will talk to her. Rekha, can the staff prepare Rajma-Chawal for her? That used to be her favorite meal, so maybe she will agree to eat it."

"Yes, sir. Can I get you anything else?" Rekha asked cautiously.

"Mango juice will do," he replied. "Maybe later you can ask her what she would like for breakfast tomorrow," he thought to himself, pondering if her preferences had shifted over the years.

Rekha gave a compliant nod and made her way out of Atharv's study, promptly delivering the message to the cook to whip up the dishes that Atharv had requested.

Atharv slammed his laptop shut with thunderous force, trembling with the anger that he could not contain. The image of her pained expression and streaming tears threw itself on the walls of his mind, as if mocking him for his failure to avert disaster. He tried to immerse himself in work to distract himself from the sea of memories crashing around him, but it was no use. His fingers rested idle over his keyboard, motionless as his thoughts whirled and danced in a cacophony of despair. Nothing he did seemed to have any effect, he was held captive by the onslaught of emotions.

As he trudged towards the room where Diya had barricaded herself, his mind raced at the thought of what to say to her. He had exerted immense pressure on her throughout their reunion and she was so exhausted that she wouldn't even bother considering any suggestion or advice from him. His fears grew as he noticed that she hadn't been eating anything since several hours—was she trying to win her battle against him by starving herself?

His heart plummeted to the ground as he saw her, seated upon the bed with her back rested against the headrest. Her eyes were ravaged and puffy from non-stop tears, yet still she looked on in a trance-like state as if unaware of his presence. With every twitch of her fingers, crinkling and releasing the fabric of the bed cover, and every whimper that escaped her lips, an overwhelming sense of guilt flooded through his being, threatening to submerge him forever in despair.

His mind roared with indignation, commanding him to compartmentalize. Unrelenting, his feet dragged him inexorably towards her until the oppressive heat of her presence burned into his consciousness. When he sat beside her, she could feel the power radiating from him and stiffened in fright. Drawing her legs protectively against her chest, she fixed him with an icy stare, daring him to find any trace of fear in her eyes.

When he inquired at last, "Why aren't you eating, Diya?", she responded without lifting her gaze from the floor and with a clenched jaw. "I didn't want to take any chances. Who knows what you may have added to the food?". Although his heart ached at the picture she had painted, he did not let it show.

Atharv realized she was referencing the time his people had taken her hostage and humbly looked down.

"No need to think of that now, Diya. Let's get you something to eat. Rekha will make Rajma-Chawal for you, your favorite right?," he said, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he remembered her love of this particular dish and how she would beg for it every day.

"What do you care so much for? No, my favorite food isn't the same. People don't remain the same. You would know that," she remarked callously with a derisive sparkle in her gaze.

"People are forced to adapt when life throws them a curveball. I know; I've been there. Tell me, what do you like now? Maybe we can get it delivered," Atharv offered deflated by the acrimonious look on her face.

"What are you even doing here if you don't really care?" Diya spat.

"I do care, Diya." he replied in a wounded voice. His mind considered the many nights his sister and he had gone without food and concluded that this was Diya's karma, but another part of him felt crushed watching her brutalize herself.

"If you cared at all, I wouldn't be sitting here against my will, Atharv Singh Chauhan," she spat, her voice dripping with venom. "Sometimes, I wonder if the boy I used to play with even exists anymore. The one who was kind to everyone. The one who wouldn't keep someone captive in his own house, least of all someone he grew up with. You are not him," she whispered hoarsely, her eyes boring into his with a fiery intensity.

Atharv's jaw clenched tightly as he struggled to maintain his composure in the face of her accusations. He knew she was right but couldn't bring himself to admit it.

"Maybe I am not that boy anymore," he replied through gritted teeth. "But sometimes change is necessary."

She scoffed bitterly, "Necessary for what? For becoming a monster?"

The room fell silent except for the sound of their heavy breathing and the ticking of an old grandfather clock in the corner.

Diya was taken aback by the vitriolic response she received. "My transformation to this shell, this person that you see today has been nothing but involuntary. There is no one alive who voluntarily chooses to live with vengeance, bitterness and a raging fury inside them," he growled, his tone seeping with barely contained hatred. "One day of unfavorable circumstances can make you go without food, even when you were ready to eat anything before. Now imagine what years of trying to make ends meet have done to me!" His speech grew louder as his rage intensified, and his face contorted in anguish.

Rekha arrived, wheeling in their dinner. She knocked on the door three times and Atharv glanced at her from the corner of his eye.

"Thanks, Rekha," he said.

"My pleasure, Sir. I hope you enjoy this, Ma'am. If you need anything else, please use the intercom to page me. Sleep well!" she said before departing, aware that she had interrupted an important moment between them.

"No matter how much we try to suppress our innate desires, they will always return. You, on the other hand, have managed to extinguish all your feelings, or so you claim. I am eating this food because I can't help wanting to - it's my basic instinct and nothing more. I'm proving that situations can affect you only if you let them, Atharv Singh Chauhan."