Not Good enough

These past days, I've been having some random thoughts on disappointments and how it leads to the feelings of not being good enough. As Tony Robbins might put it, "the meaning you derived from the events that caused disappointment lead to how you perceived it, which resulted in the end result". This has enabled me to conclude that, disappointment brings about a feeling of not being good enough.

Disappointment is one of the few things we have to deal with as humans and this is as a result of an expectation. When these expectations are cut short, disappointment follows and at the same time abuse of trust. When this abuse of trust takes place, the person is down mentally and all you can think of is - why me?

Questions like, is there something wrong with me? begins to arise and sometimes, you wonder whether village people are after you.
You feel  like you are not worth their time, that you are nothing but a second option and trust me, it sucks.

When one day, people treat you as if you actually meant something to them and then suddenly the next they don't even care you exist. They suddenly become indasboski (not a preacher of love, peace but war). You got attached to them only for them to pretend as if you don't exist the very next day.

It baffles me how people can switch who they are in seconds. Abandonment sucks. Especially when the person who abandons you is someone you deeply care about and thought they cared about you equally but the cruel truth is they don't. They just don't and that is why, they abandon you very easily, as if you were nothing but a toy which they are tired of playing with.

If they had abandoned you, why are you missing people who clearly are not missing you at all? Why are you reliving the moments they don't even remember? And that is when you come to one sick conclusion that you are not good enough for anyone. You are never good enough.

Trust me, the feeling of not being good enough is drowning. It consumes your mind. It keeps killing you inside but all you can do is smile and pretend as if everything is fine.
You start thinking, will i ever be good enough? And everytime, you ask yourself that question, a small voice inside your brain taunts you with a confident 'NO'. It seems like no matter what you do,you will never be good enough and that is why you stop expecting anything from anyone. Well, it's understandable cos you try.