The Warning Signs

It was another day in Nowheres, AN. I was just doing my job teaching art lessons to kids and the parents participating as well because the children are at a very young age. I was a naïve young girl; how could I have known what was to come? I have never had a situation like this happen to me, so I had no experience. I had never had a boyfriend, never dated anyone, never even been asked out before. I knew nothing about relationships. I didn't know what was normal and what wasn't, and I naively trusted him to help me navigate through this new path. I wish I had seen the signs; I wish I knew then what I know now looking back. Some may wonder why I didn't listen to my gut and see to the red flags, but it's much harder than you think when it's happening to you. That all changed during my lesson though. I started my lessons as I always do, playing with the kids and talking to the parents about their week. He was just another parent; I was just being nice like normal.

We started talking and he kept me after to talk about his son's progress in the lesson. Then he went on to tell me about his ex and how horrible she was. How she didn't care about their son and the reason he signed up for the lessons so was that she could spend some time with him. He described her as having no emotions and a spoiled deadbeat. I was reluctant to believe this, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I figured this was none of my business. I spent time talking to him before this topic because our conversation had been interesting. We had talked about beliefs and goals for the future, along with just random conversations, trying to get to know each other. Spending that time was my first mistake. I ended up admitting that I have no dating experience: mistake number 2. He then asked if he could take me on a date that night, I had no idea what to say. I was completely caught off guard, but my philosophy is to try one date and if it doesn't work than don't go out again. It seemed like a good rule because it was open to possibilities but at the same time stopping things quickly if it didn't work. In this case though, I should have broken this rule.

He walked me to my car than he asked me if he could kiss me, I had no idea what to say I was in shock. I had never been kissed before and I didn't know how to react, he then leaned in and kissed me before I could coherently answer. So, he was now my first kiss. I got in my car and got ready for our date that would be at Woods Park later that night and we would go to dinner later. We talked throughout the date and it had seemed to go ok, I was uncomfortable a little, but I thought it was because I was not used to dating.

The second date we hung out for hours and he told me he loved me. I again didn't know how to respond, but I felt this pressure to say it back. I naively did. He had to call me and talk to me every day. I thought that this was normal. He told me this was normal. He made me feel guilty if I didn't put him first and make him the center of my life besides my family. He insisted on meeting my friends as well, he hated all of them and tried to manipulate me into thinking they were terrible friends and I shouldn't hang out with them (all false). A couple weeks later I should have left, I should have stood up for myself and spoken up, but I couldn't.

That was when it first happened. He was manipulating and twisting everything around in my brain, so I was confused on what was true about a relationship and what was false. Then while watching a movie in my parents' basement, he took what mattered most to me. I was watching the movie when he had started kissing me, he moved down to my neck, and I started getting uncomfortable. I should have screamed, but I didn't. He started pulling my shorts down and I tried to push him away. He told me that he was 'accommodating me' by doing it gently the first time and in missionary, not any other way. I told him no. I was shaking my head and begging, he just said he was taking either my mouth or my virginity. He told me to choose or he would and then he started counting. I got freaked out, some may think me stupid, but I blurted out my virginity. Some people might have chosen mouth, but I was so scared that he would do my mouth, but then do my virginity next. I was worried that I would lose it no matter what I chose. He then took it and it was the most painful experience of my life. He didn't use protection and I was not on anything myself because I had never predicted this would happen. I should have told my parents who were just upstairs, I should have ended things right there, but I didn't. I thought that since I had technically said my virginity that I had gave consent and that it was my fault. I also forced myself to stay because I had hoped to only ever be with one man in my life so once he had my virginity that's it. Breaking that promise to myself was one of the hardest things I have had to do, but it was the best thing I could do with the situation.