The kiss of dawn (16+)

Part 1 - The first snow

He woke up for the first snow. Even though it was time for that, he was quite surprised to notice the white flakes falling outside, as he was about to make his morning coffee. He looked out of the window, and his plump lips curled into a smile, as he recalled many sweet, lovely childhood memories regarding the snowy England. His dad would build the tallest snowman in town. And then he lifted up the little boy to let him finish the procedure and place the carrot nose on the head. "We made it again, daddy!" -shouted the little Ben with a big gap between his front teeth (they were expecting a visit from tooth fairy that night), and jumped up to give his father a proud high five. The next step was giving him a name. They always chose a different name for their snowmen, and as long as he stood outside, he belonged to the family. Ben always felt like he got a new brother for a while. Winter was a season full of magic, and for Benjamin Jones the biggest magic was being loved.

The coffee machine beeped loudly, and the sound pulled him back to reality; or back to the emptiness of his flat, to be more exact. He poured the coffee in a mug he got from his mother. "Not a morning person" was written on it, and it said a lot about him. No matter, how many hours he slept, waking up was always a cruel challenge for him. Not even mentioning the mornings after a heavy party night. Ugh, let's just quickly forget about that.

Ben leaned against the cupboard and started drinking his coffee, while he unlocked his phone to check his e-mails & notifications. His messy, blonde locks were almost long enough to shield his sight. He was wearing an old t-shirt and underwear. Even if the shirt itself was quite loose, the shape of his muscular chest was perfectly visible. The veins on his hands were like wild rivers flooding down the biggest forests, to keep the spirit of nature alive. He was an utterly beautiful creature, someone you could stare at for hours.

After finishing his coffee he set his Spotify playlist on shuffle, and decided to take a quick shower. He was hoping he'd feel refreshed faster by that. He's working on a movie now, and he doesn't allow himself to act poorly or make any mistakes. The work continues today and he wants to prove them why he's there. Thank God, his career was a real blessing lately. His hard work is finally paying off. Big names, legendary directors, talented actors, exciting storylines, positive critics, supportive fans, funny interviews and a fantastic salary with many benefits. Ben has reached a level he has always dreamed of. But there were some lonely nights and quiet mornings, that made him to think about it all. And he always felt like something is missing. He undressed, stepped into the shower cabin and turned the water on. As its temperature got warm enough, he took a deep breath and stood underneath the shower head. His nipples turned immediately hard, as the first hot drops landed on his smooth skin. He put some shower gel on his palm, and started spreading it all over his body. In the meantime, his mind couldn't stop racing for a single minute.

Almost all of his friends were in a relationship, or engaged, or married... and he never dared to confess it, even to himself, but sometimes he was jealous of their happiness. He was with a girl for 9 years, and took love for granted. And then his relationship ended, but it felt good to taste freedom after such a long time. He loved being a popular man who could get literally anyone.

Yeah, it was a good game for a while, but as the time passed by, he started feeling like he needed a change. He always heard sentences like: "Oh wow, you're that famous actor, right? What are you doing later?" or "My friend says you're in a movie, who are you?" or "I saw you in Borhap, you must earn a good money, what kind of car do you have? Would you take me for a ride?" or "You should take me to a restaurant, my friends will never believe who I went out with!"

Nobody on Earth asked him how he feels or what he's thinking about. They felt so special about hanging out with Ben Hardy, yet nobody cared about what's going on with Benjamin Jones. He felt like fame was a mask, and most of the people cared only about the fancy part of his life.

And the more famous he became, the harder it was for him to let people closer. He was often insecure, confused, anxious. Failed dates and failed attempts to get into a relationship made it hard for him to generally trust anyone. He didn't understand why it was happening, but he felt like the problem was himself. And he had no idea how to make it work.

He saw his friends being happy lovebirds, building a future together with the one chosen by their heart. Weddings, kids, the first holiday as a family. And then, there was Ben, who's about to turn 30, and sometimes he feels like he'd rather be a damn rugby trainer, but at least he had someone by his side, who loves him for who he is, and not for the celebrity who's harrassed by the awful British media.  

He turned off the water, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Being lonely was like a shadow in his life. Sometimes it was behind him, sometimes it disappeared, but at the end it always returned, like a scary nightmare. He missed cuddling up with someone, experiencing funny moments with someone, falling asleep in the arms of someone, sharing a meal with someone that looked ugly because he cooked it, but at least it was made with love. He missed calling someone at the end of a long workday and telling her all the interesting stuff he did that day for the first time in his life. He missed asking for an advice from someone he can fully trust. He missed having sex with someone he passionately loves and admires from the bottom of his heart, and wasn't just raw fucks from Instagram. He missed the taste of good morning kisses. He missed feeling safe and sound, because someone was by his side.

And what he missed the most was belonging to someone. Just like those snowmen belonged to him, when he was a kid.
He brushed his teeth, dressed, and packed everything in his backpack. He's going to have breakfast with his colleagues before work. He put his winter jacket on, switched the lights off, and stepped out, right into the ass cold winter.

He woke up for the first snow that day. And he had no clue yet, that this day will change his view about the first snow forever.