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ｔｗ ： ｓｅｘｕａｌ ａｓｓａｕｌｔ， ｒ＊ｐｅ， ｐｅｄｏｐｈｅｌｉａ
⏤
i once read a beautiful story, a re-telling of lolita, a book which I had never read, only heard about through hushed whispers of teenage girls with cherry stained lips and blushing pink cheeks/ / when I was thirteen, I used to pine over men more than half my age⏤ I didn't know whether it was because my failed relationship with my own father, or because there was something deeply wrong inside the mechanism of my brain.
but soon enough I had become accustomed, almost, to read books with alarming age gaps. & then⏤ I came across a book. apple stained, perhaps was the name.
the first word that flashed across the screen : lolita. it struck a chord in me, because it was forbidden, a book I had never read. & so I began to read it. a poetic, almost retelling of the story. it was a compilation of letters to lolita, from he who used to be her lover, or so I assumed. the story progressed and led me down a path I thought I knew. a nymphet, he called her. girls who love older men. or so he assumed. that she wanted him.
in the undertones, it talked about grim realities, of rape, of pedophelia. but because it was lightly sugarcoated, I took it all in stride. until I reached the end, and that foul man, the narrator had finished his sugarcoated, gaslighting story. the last words weren't much. I couldn't fathom why it struck me so much. why it horrified me. why it disgusted me. the last words, were⏤ love, dad.
maybe it was because that while this story lead me to belie it was just like all the rest, it was not. because it didn't glorify pedophelia, no, it exposed it, with all of it's malicious intent.
& that was when I realised that those apple stained lips of a child that he, a grown man kissed, didn't foster apple-stained love nor lust. no, it fostered apple cider, malicious and acidic and sickening to the stomach.
I realised that maybe I didn't feel as though it was pedophelia, all this while, because it is so very, sneakily present in our society, in the media, in movies, in homes where little girls must cover themselves up lest a man looks at her and feels lust. it is ingrained in our minds.
I have had to destroy those thoughts from my mind and expose them for what they really are. they aren't inappropriate. no, they are sickening, disgusting and evil.
