[FANFIC] The Trouble with Hearts

Unpredictable Hearts

Part 1 – UNPREDICTABLE HEARTS

-xoOox-

Phi, do u have some time today? I'd like to talk to u in person about a few things, if that's OK?

Sure, but I have classes the whole day today. If ur free tonight, around 8PM, we can meet up to talk. Do u have a place in mind?

Up to u, Phi, I can just go 2 where u are.

Would u be OK if we met up at my condo near my school? My classes will finish late.

Sure, no problem, Phi. Just send me the address. I'll bring u food. What do u like?

-xoOox-

The trouble with hearts is that they're unpredictable.

Take me for example. I was mighty fine and contented in my own quiet little world. I could even say that I was relatively satisfied to be in a committed relationship for three years with the same person. Yet one traitorous tug from this pesky heart rocked everything in my quiet little world and left a huge irrefutable dent.

Wait, wait, wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's take a pause, and let me start again, okay? Hmmm, I think I should start from the beginning. Before I even auditioned for a role in a BL series, I saw a few clips of BL NC scenes here and there, mostly fan-edited highlight reels. It was instant fascination and part curiosity. Curiosity for a young man in his early twenties is normal, right? So yes, I indulged a bit. Hell, I even rationalized that it was purely out of curiosity, and maybe for research, too, in case I get a BL project sometime in the future.

It started with relatively tame ones. Love Sick The Series Season 1 was pretty tame, but it appealed to me because it was about openly exploring one's sexuality and accepting that no two loves are ever the same. It was good enough for some quiet introspection. But then one BL series turned to two, and two to three, and three to four, and you get the drift, right? It wasn't a conscious decision to deliberately watch BL series one after another, or at least I don't think it was. It just sort of happened. Out of curiosity.

Now, let's go back to the present -- Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat. I originally didn't know the man personally, but I knew of him. I watched his previous BL series, too. P'Mew's NC scenes in that series were, in a word, brazen. Short of showing the actors' private parts, the NC scenes were a tad too realistic and very believable. There were plenty of tongue, explicit hand-jerking motions, and unmistakable hip thrusts. Not to sound bias or anything, but P'Mew carried that role very well even though the storyline had a lot to be desired.

So imagine how my quiet little world rocked when I saw P'Mew in person during the audition for TharnType The Series. I tried to be cool about it, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. And the huge irrefutable dent on my quiet little world that I mentioned earlier, yeah, it was because he chose me to be his Type, and I chose him to be my Tharn.

Rhetorically speaking, in a sea of actors, what were the odds of two people choosing each other to play each other's love interests? I'd say very slim, even close to nil, but by some sleight of fate, we chose each other.

"Phi, I, uh, well, I have questions about work, and I don't know if it's appropriate to ask them during the workshop, so I thought it was best to approach you in private."

Hell, now that we're alone and his full attention was focused solely on me, I couldn't look at the man straight in the eyes even if I wanted to. Something about the way he stared at me brought out nervous tingles in my spine. He wasn't even doing anything. His whole condo was a mess, and papers were scattered everywhere. We were sprawled sitting cross-legged across each other on the floor. His back was leaning on the foot of his bed, and his arms were crossed on his chest. He looked a bit tired, so I felt a tiny tinge of guilt for intruding into his private time.

"It's your first BL series, correct?" He twisted his neck from side to side, and rubbed his nape with one hand as he spoke, trying to ease out his exhaustion.

Even just watching him move was fast becoming a fascination, and I don't even really know why. "Y-yes," I stuttered, and coughed up a little to somehow alleviate the awkwardness. It didn't help. I still felt awkward.

"You'll be fine, Nong. Everything we'll do in the series will be rehearsed during the workshop. If you're worried about the NC scenes, because I'm assuming that's what you're worried about, trust me when I tell you that it will be fine. We'll work it out together." His tone was gentle, patient and reassuring, something I'm thankful for up to this day. And that small comforting smile on his lips was beguiling.

"A-Any other advice, Phi? I mean, I've never been in a BL ship before," I sounded breathless, and I internally berated myself for it. Why the hell am I even so tense when we're just having a completely casual conversation?

"Judging from your eagerness to know what to do for the series, I have no doubt that we'll have no problem working together. I guess I should also let you know that I could be a fussy perfectionist when I want something done the right way, but I'll try not to be too hard on you." He confessed, and crossed his arms on his chest again.

"I-I don't know how to act around a lot of people," I blurted out and felt my ears heating up.

"I noticed."

He gave a full-on grin and I felt myself redden some more.

"With the work on the series, I'm sure we'll have no problem. The fans, on the other hand, well, let's just say that BL fans are some of the most passionate fans in the world. They can be overwhelming." He took deep breath and looked up ceiling, his face scrunched up contemplatively. "Can I be honest?" He looked at me again, this time letting his confident mask slip down a bit.

I only nodded.

"It'll be too much to ask for our series to be a hit. The odds are against us. P'Mame is shelling out her own money to produce everything and we're not sponsored by a big production company. But I sincerely hope we do get moderate success, just enough to get our names out, for P'Mame to have a return on her investments, and maybe have fun along the way."

"Phi, no matter what happens, let's do our best na?" I wanted to say something profound to reassure P'Mew that everything will be fine, too, just as he reassured me, but I felt like a fish out of the water, so it was the only thing I could think of.

He smiled and nodded. "Well then, Nong, I guess I should orient you on the ten unwritten rules of a BL ship." His smile then turned into a conspiratorial grin. "The first unwritten rule of a BL ship is this: Skinship should look natural, not forced."

Skinship. The word rang loudly in my ears as NC scene after NC scene from all the BL series I've watched flashed one after another in my mind like a warning. There's a high probability that I will be doing some of them with P'Mew, and the thought sent a zing of excitement and shiver down my spine. I don't know why I felt this way, but for the first time in a long while, I felt alive.

-xoOox-

The next day ---

P'Mew laughed at me after we rehearsed a kissing scene. "Nong, why did you kiss me for real?" His tone was teasing and light.

"Well, you said skinship should look natural. I don't know how to fake a kiss, and I figured we'll kiss eventually anyway, might as well get it over with now." I defended, trying to laugh off the absurdity of the situation.

Like I said in the beginning, the trouble with hearts is that they're unpredictable. And at that moment, mine just did a silent triple somersault and ten consecutive cartwheels, all while my ears and cheeks were painted with the brazen color of crimson. That huge irrefutable dent in my quiet little world? Yeah, it now had small but discernible cracks.

To be continued...