wanna be yours ; kagehina

twenty

hitoka and shōyō were bug-eyed and trapped in a loud conversation about something i wasn't listening to at the lunch table. he had his arms staggering around every which way, and she counteracted with all kinds of facial expressions, and they were having fun. i was having fun just watching.
they must have reached an agreement, or somebody forfeited, because shōyō turned to me and smiled, reaching down to wiggle his fingers between mine and squeeze my hand.

"whatchya thinkin' about?"

"nothing."

"that's what you always say," he whined, "you have to be thinking about something!"

"fine. i'm thinking about you."

"as you should be," he scrunched up his nose and craned his chin upwards, wiggling his face at me like a child.

he scooted closer and squeezed my hand again, pressing a soft little peck to my cheek and turning back to hitoka, who clearly had something else to say. they dove into a new conversation, and i was stuck watching once more.
he's waving one arm, since the other one is clinging onto my hand, and he's yelling and smiling and laughing and arguing playfully with her, and he's mine.

we work. we're opposites, and we work.

it's funny how i hated him at first. i didn't hate him- just the idea, i think. the idea that a new kid could show up, smile, and tear my whole world down and rebuild it around himself. i didn't like the idea of letting someone knock down my walls like that. but, he did it, and now i know his favorite food, and that he is an atrocious dancer, and that he has this weird affinity for jim from the office. i know all of that stuff now, and i like that.
i hated change, and i hated different- but he came to school one day and showed me that this thing we have isn't bad. it's not a change, it's not different, it's not necessarily new; it's an addition to what was already there. it's an improvement. it's better.
he makes everything better.

i don't feel sick anymore. i feel happy. i am holding his hand, i have been holding it for a month now, and i'm going to ask him officially to keep holding mine later when we hang out at the arcade with hitoka, and i love him.
for some reason i can't explain, i love him. it happened fast, and even though my train of thought is speeding by, that's the one solid thing i can see as my mind races around the track powered by the feeling of his hand in mine.

he made me love him. the nerve!

     honestly, who does this guy think he is?