To Make Amends • Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo x reader

• Chapter 19 •

It was getting late and I was getting tired. I stood up and told Kylo that i'd better get to bed so I wasn't too tired for training tomorrow but he interrupted me.

"Wait! You could stay again." It sounded more like more of a question than a demand.

I had to restrain myself from jumping into the bed. I was waiting for him to ask. Shit. I forgot. Pretend I didn't say that.

"Yes then?" He asked.

I nodded and smiled. I decided to go get something to wear to bed. I ran right back into Kylo's room as fast as my legs could take me. I was so excited to lay next to him again.

I jumped onto the bed and smiled at Kylo who was already lying down. He gave a slight smile. I got in under the covers and he put arm out, so I laid down with his arms around me. I was so warm, just cuddling into him and he was playing with my hair. I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

I woke up but this time I wasn't cold. It was warm, he was there lying with me. I was still lying with his arms around me. I looked at him to see he was awake but quiet.

"Kylo?" I said softly.

"Good morning. Did you sleep alright?" He asked.

"Yeah I slept great. How long have you been awake?" I asked.

"Quite a while. I didn't move, I didn't want to wake you..." He said rubbing my arm affectionately.

Aweeeee that's so sweet. He chuckled.

"Thanks for letting me sleep in. We should probably get training though huh?"

He agreed and I went back to my room to get changed. I had a shower before I changed. When I got out of the shower I looked at my self in the mirror.

There was a huge, extremely noticeable blue and purple bruise on my face where the door had hit me. I pressed my fingers to it lightly to see how bad it was, I flinched at my own touch. Ok yup, very sore. I'm not even going to attempt to cover it over. I put on some clothes and looked for my lightsaber.

"Ugh where is it?!" I said still rooting through my clothes.

Then it dawned on me, It must've still been on Droch.

"Oh no no no. Well i'm dead, how am I supposed to tell Kylo?" I could only hope we weren't going to use lightsabers in training so i'd have time to figure out what to do.

When I left my room, I told Katia to walk with me to the training room, despite the fact I knew exactly where it was at that stage. I just sort of liked her, she didn't talk much but I could tell she was kind at heart.

When I arrived I was exactly on time. I walked in to see Kylo standing with his hands behind his back. I walked over towards him trying to keep my cool. He raised his hand to my chin, turned my face to the side examining the bruise on my face. He gently grazed it with his finger.

"I sense your unease" He said.

I tried my hardest not to think about the lightsaber that was missing from my belt. Blank. Nothing. Blank. He looked into my eyes, raising an eyebrow.

"What are you hiding from me?" He questioned me.

"You know, you have very beautiful eyes." I said entirely dodging the question.

"(Y/n)?" He asked again.

I accidentally really quickly looked at my belt and back up at him.

He did the same, "Your lightsaber. Where is it?".

Shit. "Um well. I may have possibly- well I left it on Droch."

"(Y/n)...That borderlines on imbecilic and-" he said through gritted teeth but stopped himself from continuing. "I'll take care of it. We will focus on the force again." He sighed.

I stood there shocked that he didn't, I don't know, try to kill me or something. I was amazed at how he had held his temper compared to other times. I sat down in the middle of the room and crossed my legs. Kylo sat in front of me this time.

"Focus on keeping your thoughts to yourself. Let them be but don't let them free." He sounded more like a Jedi than a Sith.

I was focusing really hard on keeping my thoughts to myself. I had an idea, I thought I would try to take a look into Kylo's mind. I felt I could have possibly been powerful enough. I probably won't be able but, i'll try anyway. Kylo didn't object so I presumed I was doing well with the whole keeping my thoughts to myself thing.

I focused on the force but also on Kylo. He might've been speaking but I was so deep in thought that I didn't hear a thing. I found images appearing in my head but they didn't belong to me. They belonged to Kylo, it was easy to see. I couldn't believe I was actually able to see inside his mind.

The images were all moving so fast. I saw fire then snoke. There were images of villages and cities being demolished. It was anger, pure anger. All of a sudden the images changed, there was something more, something beyond that anger.

I saw images of...me. There was images of Leia and Han. Luke was there too. Images of the Jedi temple along with the resistance and Rey. A blue lightsaber? It wasn't anger there anymore, it was pain. There was so much more than that, but I was unable to see everything. It was all moving so fast, I felt myself diving too deep.

My head began to pain me immensely and then it stopped. Nothing. He must've been able to block me out. I opened my eyes and looked at the emotionally damaged man opposite me. I couldn't believe everything I had just seen. I was completely out of breath. Kylo just stared at me, looking just as shocked as myself. He also looked somewhat ashamed.

"Kylo I- I'm sorry." I said furrowing my eyebrows and putting my hand on his arm.

He didn't say anything, but he completely tensed up. He stood up and left the room silently, leaving me sitting there staring into space. 

"How did you do that? Why did you do that?" Kylo's voice came into my mind. I don't know...