I'd never been so panicked in my life.
But how could I explain anything to Lloyd? The doubt that plagued my mind were all centred around him, how could I ever tell him that my life began to go downhill since I met him?
I couldn't. Even if the whole thing about him kissing other girls to take advantage of our 'non-thing' was true.
I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. Everything suddenly crumbled so out-of-the-blue that it made my head spin. My life got turned upside down in less than half-an-hour.
I'm a terrible person. I neglect my friends and I smother Lloyd. I'm a joke. A complete, utter failure.
I grabbed my phone and, while turning my gaze away from my screen so I couldn't see Lloyd's attempts at contacting me, turned off my phone. I plugged it into charge before placing it on my bookshelf and collapsing into a curled, defeated position on my bed. The tears just wouldn't stop.
I didn't know how long I stayed there, cradling myself in an effort to make me feel better. It would never work. I was too hurt by my own stupid actions and the undeniable consequences they caused. How could I have let this happen? It's all my fault. All my fault.
Something heavy settled in my chest as I finally ran out of tears. Dusk grew and the darkness began to creep into my room. I felt frozen in place, in time. Like nothing could break me of this curse that had been placed on me.
A knock on the window made me jump. My hand reached up to pull the curtains back, but I stopped myself before I could. It's Lloyd. Of course it's Lloyd. I smother him. I neglect my friends. I'm a terrible person.
I forced myself to ignore it, pulling my pillow over my head to try and block out the constant rattling of knuckles on the glass. He was determined, I'd give him that.
How could I go into school knowing that Lloyd was bothered by me and my friends hated me for abandoning them? I made a mess of things.
Another sharp, impatient round of knocking on the glass of my bedroom window pierced through my ineffective pillow shield before Lloyd sighed. "Fine."
I flinched.
For a while, there was no sound. Confident that he had left, I buried my face into my pillow and breathed heavily into it, praying that I wouldn't fall into sobs again.
But alas, that boy was as stubborn as a donkey.
"Y/n?" his voice was muffled from the (locked) doorway and made me have to muffle a squeak in surprise. How in the fuck-. "C'mon, don't make me start quoting Frozen."
I swallowed. Lloyd huffed in indignation before slumping against the door.
"Please, I know you're in there," he began in a terribly off-key voice. My eyes widened. "Er- wait that's not the beginning of the song. Hold on, I'll start again - do you wanna build a snowman?" His voice was cracking. He cleared his throat. "Come on, let's go and play! I never see you anymore, come out the door, it's like you've gone away!"
He paused. I was staring at the door in disbelief.
"Please don't make me sing anymore," Lloyd begged. My gaze flickered to the ground, contemplating. I don't deserve him. "Fine, just for you, Princess. We used to be best buddies - thatwouldkiss - but now we're not - godIhopethat'snottrue - I wish you would tell me why - pleasetellmeIamscared."
My lips pulled into a small, watery smile. My heart thundered in my chest, sparking and shuddering at the emotions that were pummelling it.
"Do you wanna build a snowman? Even though it's still technically summer?"
I bit my lip.
"It doesn't have to be a snowman. We could go out for some ice cream instead."
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hide my smile in my pillow. Why is he doing this he shouldn't be doing this.
Lloyd's voice hitched.
"Please don't make me sing the next line," he begged desperately. I inhaled heavily. He sighed.
"Okay, bye-"
I flicked the lock open.
