Fear Will Be Your Enemy

Cocoa With Dad

Lust collapsed against the door of his room, sobs wrenched from him. He felt like he was drowning. Why wouldn't Virgil listen?! Lust had just wanted to help! He didn't want Virgil to end up like Pride...

Lust pulled off his kimono, wearing otherwise only a pair of white shorts. Lust threw his kimono in the mirror in the corner of his new bedroom. It was nice, the room the mind provided. Airy, decorated in sunset-like purples and whites. Usually, it felt peaceful. Not now.

His mind was racing, unable to tear away from his thoughts of Virgil. Virgil, the first person he actually loved, was in love with Honesty. Lust shuddered, biting his tongue so hard it bled. He would do anything to avoid those memories. But they came up nonetheless.

Honesty, calling him to his office one evening. Honesty, pushing him against the wall. Honesty touching him. Honesty holding a knife to his throat, forcing him to be quiet as the man 'had his fun.'

"Whore!"

"Slut!"

"Tramp!"

"Fuckboy!"

All these words, dancing around his mind. Things he had been called, time and time again. "Weren't you kind of asking for it?" Greed had said when Lust had come to him late that night, sobbing. "I mean, dressed like that?"

"Come on, you're supposed to enjoy that sort of thing, aren't you?" Pride had asked, seeming only uncomfortable that his boyfriend had been with someone else, not by the act. But who was he to do anything? Honesty did what he pleased.

Envy had been annoyed at being woken up in the middle of the night. "Men can't get raped," he had muttered, throwing a pillow Lust and telling him to leave.

Gluttony had been in the kitchen, making popcorn at 1 am. "Dude, that's ridiculous. Honesty'd never do anything like that! You're such an attention whore."

And that wasn't the last time it happened either. But it sure was the last time he talked about it. These people were his friends. How could they think these things? "They don't respect me," he answered his thoughts. "They don't fucking care."

Virgil... Virgil didn't care. Virgil hated him. He wouldn't listen, no matter how hard Lust tried to help. God, how he just wanted to help Virgil. Lust had never felt this way about anyone before. There was a difference between a fuck-buddy and a lover. And oh, how Lust wanted to love Virgil. How he wanted Virgil to love him back- to hold him the way Patton held Logan; to kiss him the way Remy kissed Emile; to look at him the way Remus looked at Janus. But he just couldn't have that, could he?

But somehow, Honesty had beaten him to it. Honesty was charming, elegant, and suave. He was a dangerous sociopath, and he knew just the ways to get what he wanted. How could Lust ever compare? He was just a filthy, annoying... slut.

Lust spent hours with his back against the door, dissociating. Nobody came to ask him to join them for dinner, though he heard their chatter and eating in the dining room. Time was passing. How did time pass? He would become aware of the clock- 10 pm. And then let his mind wander, before glancing back at it what felt like only a moment later. 3 am. And then, he would wait an especially long time before looking again- and it was only 3:15.

His bones ached. His heart ached. His skin felt ablaze as if his blood was a current of energy, but he was so, so tired. 

All of these things...

It was such a terrible weight...

He just couldn't carry it anymore.

Lust got up, stumbling to the little writing desk in the corner of there room. He slumped into the chair, grabbing a paper and pen. It was 530 am. Now or never.

Sides,

I'm sorry. I wish I could've been a little stronger for you all. I wish I could have not made so many mistakes in my life. I wish that just ONE person would see me as a person, and not as some object. I don't want to die, but there's nobody around to save me. I'm not trying to be an attention whore. Please just forget about me and move along- don't pretend you miss me. Don't fake mourn. I've been manipulated enough in this life, don't lie to me in death, too.

I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but I just want you to know: Virgil, I am so in love with you. It breaks my heart to know you're with that asshole. But this isn't your fault. It's his. I wish I could be better for all of you. But I'm just... so, disgustingly me. I'm sorry.

-Narrcisus (That's Lust)

He signed it with his real name. It felt weird- he never went by that name, even though all of the sins knew his real name. It just didn't quite fit him. He was Lust, and he would always be Lust. And now, he would die as Lust.

Lust waved his hand, shaikly summoning a bottle of arsenic. He knew from listening to Logan and Remus chatter before that this amount would take about 24 hours to kill him. But he would fall unconscious quickly, and it's not like they'd come looking for him.

The sin crept down to the kitchen, folding the note in half and setting it on the sofa next to the Christmas tree. Hopefully, they'd see it in a half an hour when they woke up to open presents. He almost regretted not getting to be a part of the festivities. In the secret Santa, Lust had gotten Nero. He had gotten him a new pair of Orange cowboy boots- it wouldn't restore his powers, of course, but he had thought that it might make the wrathful side feel nice. He vaguely wished he could be there to see it...

but no. He had a job to do.

Lust spun on his heel, almost running straight into Patton. "Oh goodness!" Patton squeaked.

"I'm so sorry," Lust murmured, hugging his bare chest tightly. He couldn't meet Patton's eyes.

"Oh it's fine, Lust! No harm done!" Patton said giddily, walking over to the Christmas tree with an exited sigh. "I always love to get up extra early on Christmas. Oh, secret Santa will be so fun this year, with so many more people!"

Lust nodded softly, not caring to speak. Patton glanced back at Lust, eyeing him carefully. He took a step forward. "Lust, kiddo, is something wrong?"

Lust took a deep breath, strengthening himself as much as he could so not to show emotion. "I'm just not feeling to hot, Pat. I'm going to go back upstairs-"

Patton waved his hand, walking past him into the kitchen. "Kiddo, if you're feeling sick you can't just go back up all alone and be miserable! Would some hot chocolate make you feel better?"

He pulled the cocoa powder down from a cupboard and looked to Lust for an answer. Lust gave a quick nod. Patton smiled, flicking on a soft light over the counter, so not to overwhelm. Lust got a good look at Patton. The side was wearing his onsie, though he still had his sweater tied around his shoulders. Patton waved his hand, and a chair appeared. He motioned Lust to have a seat. 

Lust sat, and soon he had a hot cup of cocoa in his hands. Patton pulled off his sweater, wrapping it around Lust's bare shoulders. "There you go! Do you need anything else?" Lust shook his head, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He rubbed them away on the back of his hand, but not before the moral side noticed. "Do you need a hug?" he asked softly.

Lust nodded, setting the cocoa on the counter and allowing Patton to wrap him in a hug. "W-why are you so nice to me?"

"I care about all my kiddos, Lust. Why wouldn't I be nice to you?" Patton's grip loosened- maybe he wanted to be let go- but when Lust started bawling in Patton's arms, he just held the sin, comforting him. He asked what was wrong multiple times, but Lust didn't want to answer. He just needed to be held.

And than he couldn't answer, even if he had wanted too. He slumped forward into Patton's arms. 

Wait!

He didn't want to die!

No, please!

Please...

Than everything went black.