The Chronicles of Matman

Chapter 1: The Becoming of Matman

Johnathon Brune was an ordinary man-child living an ordinary man-child life. He woke up at 10am every day, started work at 7:30am at the local child-care centre, finished work at 5pm, went out for drinks at 10am, and went home at 10pm. He had a regular sleeping schedule of 1 hour per night, which is why he had such smooth healthy skin on his earlobes and knees, and perfectly combed dreadlocks down to his ankles. Johnathon Brune lived in a dried plum, also known as a prune. It was his safe-haven, the escape from all of the civilised humans he would have to see otherwise.

Today was already doomed to be terrible. Johnathon woke up at 2am due to falling asleep at 1am, and was forced out of bed by his bed which has an ejector bed.

'I hypothesise that you will run a marathon' hypothesised his bed.

So, Johnathon put on his hat and SPF-2 sunscreen and started running in the pitch blackness of night.

Please be aware, the SPF-2 is not SPF+2, therefore he will still get a light tan as the sun's rays pickle peckle his skin. As he reached the halfway point, he noticed a clump of bicycles in front of him, estimated to be 91. He decided to give it a shot (riding all of them at once). The feel of the bikes against his hairy legs made him uncomfortable, as if someone was watching him from underneath. He looked down to check, and instead of finding a pair of eyes spying on him, he found a quartet of violins. They began to serenade him in imperfect harmony, all the while he was gradually getting closer to the place that would bring him both his livelihood and his deathlihood. The Persian Rug Store.

Johnathon Brune rode all 91 bikes straight through the wall of the Persian Rug Store, which was absolutely a genius move.

'What the beep man!' The Persian man seethed, censoring himself before any swearing left his mouth, to the great relief of Johnathon.

Johnathon was deeply offended by any notion towards swearing, though, so he swore right back at the Persian man.

'Bleep beep bell sound ringtone warning sound beep beep woop woop evacuate yourself!' screeched Johnathon, having a conniption, and speaking for the first time in his documented life.

At this sudden outburst, the normally peaceful bikes attacked Johnathon, and he flew right into a giant Persian rug. The rug swallowed him whole, hence, the becoming of Matman.