𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲

...𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗮𝘀𝘀

get ready for some cringe <3
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"Jordan?" Pi'erre whispered.

Although he was awake, Jordan kept his eyes closed in hope Pi'erre would believe he was sleeping and leave him alone.

"I know you're not sleeping." Pi'erre layed his hand on Jordan's chest. "You're breathing way too fast."

Jordan turned on his other side, where he wasn't facing him, to signal his boyfriend that he wasn't in the mood to talk.

"How long are you gonna keep ignoring me?" Pi'erre sighed and wrapped his arms around him from behind.

He burried his head in Jordan's neck and placed a few kisses on the other ones exposed skin before he tried to get him to talk one last time.

"I had no other choice." Pi'erre's cold hand slipped under his T-Shirt. "Do you think I enjoyed seeing him touch you? You're not the only one that suffered. It was just as hard for me as it was for you."

Jordan felt his eyes burning. Luckily they were closed because otherwise he would've had to rub over them by now.

He wanted to scream at Pi'erre in that moment. How could he compare their situations if Jordan was the one who went through it and all he had to do was just watch while it happened? But Jordan didn't say anything. He neither had the energy nor did he think Pi'erre would've understood him or even listened in the first place.

Since Jordan didn't reply or move, Pi'erre seemed to finally give up and let go of him. For a few minutes, the only thing Jordan heard in the dark was Pi'erre's steady breathing. He was about to fall asleep when the other one spoke up again.

"You're being more than disrespectful to me right now, Jordan. And if you think I'm gonna let you treat me like that, you're wrong. Everything you do has consequences. Never forget that."

Jordan's heart dropped. Something about the way Pi'erre said it, was freezing his blood. Not even because he was loud, Pi'erre had been completely calm and quiet when he spoke. It was the iciness and lack of emotion in his voice that made every hair on Jordan's arm stand up. After laying there tensely for an hour, he fell into a restless sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, Pi'erre had already left for work. Jordan was relieved about having some time alone. He really couldn't see Pi'erre at the moment. Whenever he did, it only reminded him of two nights ago and he felt like throwing up again.

Ian hadn't been gentle with him at all. Ever since he forced himself on him, Jordan didn't open his mouth and speak a word once because his throat still hurt and he didn't want to hear his own voice.

Everything about himself disgusted him. Jordan tried to avoid looking into any kind of mirror because he was sick of his own face. Changing his clothes or showering became something he hated because it meant he would have to see his own body that he grew to dislike so much.

The smallest tasks were now a challenge for him. Even something as simple as getting up in the morning. He used to be an early riser but today he woke up at 11 am and continued to stay in bed for more than three hours before he finally pulled himself together and went downstairs.

If he wouldn't have had to use the bathroom, Jordan probably would've stayed in bed all day because he had no motivation to leave it. For what?

Instead of eating a healthy breakfast, he just nibbled on a piece of plain bread for way too long while staring into a void. It wouldn't have made any difference if he would've skipped it. His weight was still very low for his height. It didn't help that he had no appetite most of the time and felt guilty whenever he ate something because of his eating disorder.