My Chosen One

Chapter 4: Tears

He takes his arm out from under mine, and I shiver due to the sudden rush of cold air blowing on my back. And then, unexpectedly, he brings my head up with his fingertips, moves his face closer to mine, and kisses me. I've never experienced a sensation so good in my life; not even when Agatha and I kissed. Our kiss feels right. And in that split second when our faces touch, it clicks.

I've never been straight.

He's sucking it out of me, all the passion I have, it's all Baz's now. I can't imagine what it would be like to move; I can't imagine what it would be like to stop. He's guiding me down the strange path of homosexuality, and I don't want to drop the lantern. Then he moves to my neck, pulls me in close, and, ever so softly, whispers to me, "Simon Snow, you're beautiful, and I love you, and I chose you, and I would choose you again. You mean the world to me, and I would give it up to have you." He sits up a little bit, forcing me to look into his eyes that are so grey, they look like the underside of a rain cloud. "I mean it when I say that that will never change," he says firmly, as though the tone of his voice alone could make me believe him any more than I already do. "I am yours, Simon. My heart made that decision for me a long time ago." He is so good at this. Breaking my heart into a million pieces and then putting them all back together one by one, in the exact place where they go. Crushing me with his beautiful smile and his melancholic words, and then, when I'm least expecting it, making me whole again. I love him.

And then suddenly he pulls back, and I'm not ready for it, and I try to grab him, but he tears away, and he looks at me seriously, and he says, "No, I can't do this much longer," and he looks like a scared kitten, with large, frightened eyes and long, flexible limbs. I come closer, and I inquire, "Why not?" But he just shakes his head and then turns away, turns back from me. His black hair is curling down around his neck in thick locks, and I reach out and run my fingers through it. He turns his face back towards me, and when he does, I can see that he was crying, and I somehow know not to ask about it. And then I somehow know what it is.

"Baz, it's okay," I assure him. "I know what you are, and I'm not scared of you."

He bares his teeth at me, exposing his fangs, and then closes his mouth. "Why are you not scared of me?" He's full-on sobbing now, and I tell him, "Baz, I'm not scared of you. I know you're a vampire, but I also know that you wouldn't bite me. In six years, there hasn't been a single time when you've hurt me physically, and I'm pretty infuriating, so that's saying something." I put my hand down on his back gently, and he arches his spine. "What I'm trying to say here is that, although we've been enemies for six years, we were still able to make up. And even if you do Turn me, that'll just mean that I'll be able to stick around longer." I grab his shirt sleeve, and he comes a little bit nearer. And then he turns to face me fully, and he buries his face against me, and he cries. His sobs are sounding like little hiccups now, and I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him in closer. And then I start crying too, for all the lost time before this that we spent in tirades and debates, for whatever it was that made him think that I wouldn't just let him come as he is. And after we finish, after we've gotten out all our self-pity and depression, is when he finally says to me, "Snow, let's start over. Let's go back to before all this, to before all the negative feelings and hatred towards each other, and let's start fresh." And I smile, and I stand up and walk over to the door, and I reply, "Yes, sir. Let me introduce myself. I'm Simon Snow, the Chosen One, and your boyfriend." We both start laughing, and it sounds like more of a cry than a laugh, and I walk over to him, and he stands up, and I bow. Taking his hand, I ask, "May I?"

And he nods, tear stains still glinting beneath his eyelids, and he kisses me, and he says, "You may."