Unlikely Romance in a Bass Pro Shop

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Wrote this, uh,
Beautiful peice of literature with Whereallathenamesgo
T h a n k

~~~~

"But, father!" You said, running to catch up with the talented fisherman, "I don't love Pat! Why, I've never even had a proper conversation with him before!"

Guf, your father, sighed.

"I know this, but at this point it's out of my control," He said, his bald head shining in the sunlight, "If we want to have a chance at destroying Matt, we must form a strong alliance with Pat's family,"
"Please, Father! Reconsider! Surely-" you tried to protest, but Guf cut you off.
"Silence! It is already as good as done," he raised his voice.
Anger welled up within you. You swiftly turned away from him and left the room. How could your beloved father do this to you? You sighed as you sat down on the green grass. Your father was under a lot of stress lately; running Bass Pro Shop was no easy task. Not to mention Matt, the owner of Dick's Sporting Goods, was always threatening to lower his prices to put your father out of business. Could that be what pushed him to make such a drastic decision?
"Ey, girl," a voice said from behind you
"What?!" You said turning around. Your gaze fell upon the most beautiful man you had ever seen. his eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and he curves of his face looked as though they were chiseled from stone. The man moved closer to you.
"My name's Juhg Koop, how about you bbygrl?" The words trickled from the gorgeous man's mouth. You tensed up a bit, feeling quite shocked that he'd come up to you.
"My name's (Y/N), it's a pleasure to meet you," You introduced yourself. Although you had only just met Juhg, he had your heart. Even though you were betrothed to Pat, you had no love for him, only for Juhg Koop.

As your arranged marriage to Pat grew closer, your love for Juhg Koop only grew stronger. Every evening, you would sneak out into the garden just to rendezvous with him. The more you learned of him, the more you fell for him. Could he get anymore perfect?
"Bby I gotta talk to you about something a ha ha ha," he started on this particular occasion.
"What's the matter Koopy?" You asked.
"Nothing too real," he said with a kissy face, his hand making a heart shape, "just about the death of my cousin,"
"Death of your cousin?" You asked.
"Yeah haha," he replied, sensually rubbing his chin,"you see, Matt... He cut up my cousin, Yuto's boot. Even his yaddas,"
"No!" You shrieked in horror, "Not the yaddas!"
"Yes the yaddas haha," Juhg,koop said solemnly, "afterwards, he was hung with a Wii remote, a 'Wiimote', if you will, lmao,"
You look at the DICK'S Sporting Goods in horror. It filled you with rage, seeing Matt's business flourish as your father's slowly fell apart. The man who killed your lovers' cousin faced no repercussions for his actions; vile.

"...I also have a confession to make," you said, turning your face away from Juhg Koop's gaze. He looked at you with his emerald green eyes in anticipation.
"I... I am to be wed to Pat, Matt's rival! Oh, Koop! I don't even love him! I love you!"
"Fuuuck," he said in a low voice, "I guess I'll just have to take you first then? Ahaha, just kidding... Unless...?"
Juhgs hands made their way to your face. He caressed your cheek gently, then pulled you in. The warmth of your lover's lips filled you with happiness. You wrapped your arms around him and embraced him. You pulled away to meet his gaze. Juhg began to blush as his hands moved from your face downwards.
"Wait," You said, your face turning red, "We can't do this here." You felt embarrassed and decided to stand up and bring him with you to a more private location.
"Aha makes sense, wouldn't wanna do it in a Cracker Barrel bathroom"
As the two of you left the bathroom, a bag of flour sat on the doorway marked "QUEEN LIZ". Strange, you continued out and off to your apartment.

~~~

Dinner with your betrothed the next day was... tense. After a night of heartfelt passion with Juhg,koop, you found yourself daydreaming throughout the meal.
"Then I said, 'that's not a camel, that's my fianceè!' Haha!... (Y/N), darling, you didn't laugh at my joke," Pat said, turning his attention towards you.
"Oh! I'm sorry, I was daydreaming, what was the joke?" You replied.
Just after you answered, the main course came, saving you from further embarrassment.
"Wait just one second," Pat said upon looking at his dish, "Who put rats in my ravioli? I didn't order ratvioli..."
"A haha, what's poppinggga," A familiar voice said from under the table cloth. After a second or two, a person jumped out from under the cloth and onto the table.
"I put those rats in your ravioli," said Juhg,koop, "I also fricked your girl! She was very," Juhg Koop paused to lick his lips,"Koopylicious,"
"You... you dastard!" Pat cried.
"Oh please..." Jung,koop replied, "my friends call me... Dick,"

What the hell??

?????

It means penis

Why did he say dick?

WTFWTFWTF

Why would you say the pp word?

Don't say That!!

[Everyone disliked that.]

Cock?!

????

"How dare you touch my spouse!" Pat stared daggers at Juhg. Raising his fist, he swung at your beloved. Moving swiftly, Juhg had caught his fist before the blow landed.
"I may not be a fisherman, but I'm a martial artist you CUCK" Juhg,koop said.
The K-pop boyband heartthrob radiated confidence as he pulled off a WWE smackdown on Pat, punching him one last time before leaving the poor twink to rot on the floor.

"Haha I gotchu bbygrl," Juhg took your hands in his as he guided you to his Lamborghini. It was blasting the song DEOXYRHIBONUCLEIC ACID by TKD, keeping on brand even off stage. Your heart ached for him as he took you to his crib. You knew your father would disprove of the ongoing affair between you and Juhg Koop, but with his abundant riches you could still manage to help the Bass Pro Shop. The tires screeched as you zoomed into the sunset with the man of your dreams.

~~~

Joe Rogan, the waiter, came by to check on Pat. His decrepit body sprawled upon the floor. He looked like roadkill to be completely honest.
"Sir, could you pay for uh, your meal?" Joe asked. Pat looked up at Rogan and stared for a solid 30 seconds before reaching into his pocket and grabbing his card.
"Here" he said, holding up the card with his weak and shakey arm. A few minutes later Rogan returned the card, Pat decided he no longer needed to remain at the Olive Garden and crawled home. Guf's business was burned down by Matt while you and Pat were on a date.

The end pog

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