it's Christmas morning!! I check my phone for any messages or emails, I have like two missed calls from my mom, and two text messages from Sam.
Sam wished me a merry Christmas and hopes that I was doing well. My mother on the other hand, left two messages saying that her and Tom would only be home the twenty-sixth. I've come to realize at that moment nothing can change my past but I have so much control of my future. my mother may want to be apart of it, but until she shows it by her actions then I will let her in. just like everyone else.
I close my eyes an hold back a sigh. I made another Christmas. I'm so proud of myself. The panic attacks started when I was around thirteen, and I've always felt alone. ever since the move I hadn't really had any, but now they've gotten worse. the nightmares are back, and I'm always paranoid.
Paranoid to the point where I loathe having to sleep.
It's my fault my dad left, I should've never been born. If my mother never had me life would have been easier for her and my "dad"
Not being able to contain my excitement for much longer I creep down the stairs, tip toeing slowly, and carefully like a ninja.
A hand loops around my waist and pulls me close, I gasp in surprise.
"Morning beautiful, merry christmas." Derrick nuzzles his head into my neck.
"Morning." I squeal when his breath sends ticklish shivers down my arms and legs.
"Let's open presents, I'm sure Tom informed you it would be just us."
He sighs and shakes his head.
"At least I have you this year."
I gulp, that's right. if mom and Tom had never gotten together, Derrick would probably be alone this Christmas.
" Yah me too."
it's nice to know someone understands how it feels to be left completely alone, unwanted and afraid.
"Let's open presents!" I tug him toward the overflowing tree. "wow Santa really did come."
"You, believe in santa." Derrick laughs jokingly.
"Shut up, don't ruin my child like christmas beliefs."
"How about we just open the presents."
"Good idea, you probably wouldn't want to tell your friends that a girl kicked your ass."
"Like I said presents, here's one for you."
I smile at his toothy grin and grab the small box from his hands.
I delicately unwrap the blue ribbon, and lift the lid, inside sits a sparkling sterling silver ring, with three small pearls. Engraved in the bottom is one simple word. Promise.
I stare up at Derrick my eyes wide with shock. "Derrick-"
He holds my hand In his. "it's my promise to you, a promise that I will always be there by your side loving you, and making you feel wanted and cared for."
Tears spring to my eyes, and I feel overwhelmed.
" This is beautiful." I sniffle quietly. "this is way nicer than what I got you."
Derrick just chuckles. "I'm sure I love what Ever you got me."
I pull away from him and pick up his heavy gift basket from underneath the tree.
He pulls at the wrapping slowly, then grins when he sees what's inside.
I watch him intently reading each little note.
" You put a lot of thought into this A, and it's absolutely perfect." he pulls me In for a hug, but I kiss him instead. starting a full on make out session.
"You wanna open the rest later, let's take this upstairs." he pants.
" Mine or yours."
"Mine."
I grin as he carries me piggy back style up the stairs.
After some awkward fumbling with a package of protection, Derrick straddles me leaving me breathless.
"Are you sure A?" I nod slowly, I want this. I need this.
"Okay I'll go slow."
He peels off my shirt and I unhook my bra. I hurriedly slide off his shirt. We fumble with buttons and zippers, aggressively and hungrily trying to fuel the fire of need.
"Slow baby, were gonna do it slow."
He hungrily kisses my lips and I hold back a moan. He's slowly kissing down my breasts as he slide off my pants.
My hands are all over the place at that moment in his hair, his abs, back and neck.
He's gentle, but when it hurts he kisses away the tears. Sweaty and exhausted we both collapse into a quiet rhythmic pattern of breathing. before we both drift off to sleep I quietly whisper , " I freak'n love you Derrick."
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