Star Wars Texts

join the dark side

Savage:  uh, bro, why did we set up our 'join the dark side' stand in front of the Jedi temple?

Maul:  because that's how we'll get the most media coverage and get more people to join the dark side.  Now stop questioning my genius

Savage:  okie dokie, broskie

Maul:  what in the galaxy did you just call me

Savage:  never mind, you're too lame to understand

*a person passes by*

Maul:  hello citizen!  Have you ever felt tired of the Jedi?  Betrayed by the republic?  Or wanted to eat chocolate chip cookies that don't have raisins in them?  Or got your legs sliced off by obi wan kenobi and spent ten years plotting your revenge and staying alive by no other means than pure anger seething through your bones? 

Savage:  I don't think that guy is going to relate to that last statement-

Maul:  Then you've come to the right place!  Join the dark side today and get a free whoopie cushion!

Random dude:  are you guys selling deathsticks?

Maul:  no, but we have something better!

Random dude:  what's that?

Maul:  RAW AND UNTAMED POWER

Random dude to savage:  what's this guy on?  It's definitely not the sticks

Savage:  apparently he's on raw and untamed power

Savage:  on other days he's on depression and special water that "makes your legs grow back"

Maul:  don't make fun of me brother.  One day, I'll kick you in the face with a foot made of flesh

Random dude:  okay, you guys are insane.  Bye bye

Maul:  well done, savage.  You scared him away

Savage:  yeah, cause I was the one threatening to kick someone in the face with a foot made out of flesh

Maul *gasps*:  look!  There's a guy with blood on his face!  I bet he'll join the dark side

Maul:  hello there!

*the dude walks over*

Maul:  what's your name?

Dude:  boil

Maul:  how did you get all that blood on your face?

Boil:  oh, this isn't blood.  I just spent an hour peeling a pomegranate.  Some of the pieces sprayed on my face.

Savage:  what kind of idiot spends an hour peeling a pomegranate when you could just buy the pre-peeled ones from the store

Boil:  hey!  It's actually really therapeutic to peel pomegranates

Maul:  oh my force, do you want to join the dark side or not?

Boil:  the dark side?  Isn't that the bad guy side?

Maul:  only from a certain point of view

Boil:  lol, my general likes to say that

Savage:  who's your general?

Boil:  general kenobi

Maul:  KENOBAEEEE

Boil:  O_O

Savage:  sorry about my brother.  It's an obsession

Boil:  who even is this guy?

Maul:  I am kenobi's arch nemesis.  You are in kenobi's battalion.  Surely, you must know who i am!

Boil:  arch nemesis?  Hmmmm

Boil:  which one?

Maul:  what?  What do you mean which one? 

Boil:  well, the General has lots of enemies.  Other nemesis of his would be Dooku, grievous, Skywalker when he steals his robes...

Maul:  you mean he's got other enemies more important than me?  Ouch, that kinda hurts

Anakin:  oh there you are boil, Cody's been looking for you

Boil:  sorry general, I've been talking with this weird guy who's trying to turn me to the dark side

Anakin:  dark side huh?  Yeah it can be kinda hard to resist

Boil:  not really.  This guy can't even tell the difference between blood and pomegranate juice

Anakin:  wait, so that's not blood on your face?

Boil:  -_-

Savage:  is stupidity contagious?

Boil:  I really hope not

Maul:  so you're Skywalker, kenobi's old padawan

Anakin:  that's me

Anakin:  hey... you're the guy who almost ran me over with a speeder bike back on tatooine

Maul:  that was like ten years ago, get over it

Anakin:  I could say the same thing about you and your obsession with my master

Maul:  well, in my defense, I couldn't even see you, the sun was reflecting off the sand

Anakin:  and I had to dive in the sand to avoid getting hit -_-

Maul:  are you gonna keep on whining?

Savage:  this is lame.  I wanna go home

Anakin:  look, your own brother called you lame, so pack up your dark side stand and get out of the entrance of the Jedi temple

Maul: oh yeah, and who's gonna make me?

Anakin: the 10,000 credit fine for illegal promotion of dark side activities in front of the Jedi temple

Savage: so... there's a legal way to do it?

Boil: I feel like I'm not supposed to be listening to this

Maul: what's the legal way??

Anakin: you just need to get a permit

Maul: well, doing it illegally is more fun anyways

Anakin: all right, well don't say I didn't warn you when Windu comes to bust your ass

Boil: sir, how do you know so much about the legality of selling things in front of the temple

Anakin: when I was a padawan, I tried making some extra bucks by selling popsicles out here, but then master Windu took it down

Boil: ooh that's rough

Anakin: anyways, come on boil, I don't want to be here when Windu arrives

Boil: me neither, good luck you two

Savage: now what?

Maul: now we wait

Savage:  guess you didn't have to wait long.  He's here

Maul:  where?

Windu:  (ง'̀-'́)ง