Band Au Part I

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(TBW: Panic attacks and self-hatred )

A/N: I'm not that good at writing angst, so the last part is a bit of fluff. 

/ˈpanik əˌtak/

a sudden feeling of acute and disabling anxiety.

Panic attacks, something that I've always known the majority of my life. I was in the corner of my room in the apartment I shared with two of my friends, my knees were close to my chest and I felt like I was at a lack of air. I tried feeling around for things, naming the objects in my head that I could feel, floor, wall, sleeves. It managed to calm me down a bit, however, I felt this overwhelming sense of dread weighing on my chest. I parted my lips to call out for someone to help. I quickly regretted that decision. I let out a small gasp and clutched my heart with one hand. The other was pulling at the collar of my navy blue sweatshirt. I felt a hot liquid roll down my cheeks, I was crying. This was just great, I didn't have time for this practice starts in a few minutes. My whole body was trembling I felt my breathing rate started to go at an unsteady pace. As a few moments passed my breaths were shorter and shorter. Everything was happening all at once I felt my self getting light-headed and my eyelids were starting to close. Until I heard a soft knock at the door.

"Keebs you in there?" A voice called out from the other side of the door. It was Amami, he was one of my good friends. Well, maybe more than a friend but I haven't decided on that yet a sense of all the stress with my line of work. He knocked a few times, god just goes away, please. Maybe if I just shut up he'll leave me alone. I don't like anyone seeing me like this though I need someone to talk me through this.

~

I walked over to Kiibo's room, he usually waits for me and Kaede at the door to our apartment before practice. I knocked on his door a few times.

"Keebs are you in there?" I called out. No response he's starting to worry me. I knocked a few times more trying to get a response out of him. When he didn't respond I pressed my ear against the door. I heard faint whimpering, something was up he was crying. Then it hit my god I feel like an idiot. I quickly turn the door handle and opened the door. His room was dark and a wave of disturbance hit me. I knew this feeling all too well. I walked in and looked around closing the door behind me. There was only a bit of light so it wasn't completely black. I looked around and I saw Kiibo. I felt my heart break a small bit, he was curled up, crying, and trying to steady his breathing. I walked over to him kneeling down and gently held his shoulder. Just that one action made him jump and pull back from me.

"Hey, Kiibo it's me," I said. He looked up at me through his albino, colorless bangs. His crystal blue eyes were red and puffy. He's been crying a lot I can tell. He was shaking pretty badly, it looked like he wanted to say something however he didn't. I gently pulled him closer to me. I wrapped my arms around him and placed one hand on his semi spiked hair, running my fingers through his colorless hair trying to calm him down I felt his grip onto my hoodie.

"Sh Keebs it's okay I got you," I whispered, I could feel his heartbeat racing. After a while of staying like this, I felt his body go limp. I panicked slightly then I realized he passed out. Kiibo always overworked himself and never got any sleep. I looked down at his face and I could tell he was mentally and physically exhausted. I moved so my back was facing the wall and Kiibo was in my lap. I reached into the pocket of my jacket and grabbed my phone texting Kaede that Kiibo was had a panic attack and which looks like it was a bad one.

I couldn't help but wonder what caused this. I looked around on the floor for answers spotting a small booklet. I reached for it trying my best to not wake up the sleeping sheep in my lap. I read the cover of it. It read 'Events and Ideas'.

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